Shirley isn't trapped anymore

I found out yesterday that one of the first people I met, with little Opie, at Cove's Edge, has died. She was only 61. 

 

Shirley really struck me, and my heart. When I visited with Opie on that first visit, Abbey the activity director had brought many residents out-they have a lovely large area outside perfect for our animal visits. I told Abbey how Opie would find who needed him most, but that I would also let him visit everyone. And we did, but Opie kept going back to Shirley. Shirley had just arrived there and of course I'm not privileged to knowing all the details of her condition but I assumed she had a stroke. She could not speak, she could smile though, and her limbs were crippled and she was in a wheelchair. I was told she loved animals and was very depressed as you can only imagine. 

 

Well, that day, Opie found her, and every time I'd share him with others, Opie kept going back to Shirley. It was a beautiful thing, a sad thing, aand  memorable thing. I miss both of them. 

 

Sometimes when I went on visits, Shirley seemed more glum, sometimes, as when she saw Harry out the window, she beamed.

 

Shirley was a nurse before her life changed. She had two children all grown up. She liked crafting and campfires and being outdoors. I can only imagine being trapped in a body, and then with COVID trapped in a building. I hope Opie, and Bear [he sat on her bed many times as a pup and she always smiled] and Harry...helped her situation, I know it did even if it was fleeting. I know we all hope she found Opie, and anyone else she craved to mingle with again. 

 

You're not trapped anymore, Shirley.

 

 

 

 

Tiny gesture fills my heart...oh, open your eyes too if you haven't

We did another Facetime Friday yesterday. Bear, Officer Mittens, Omar and Oscar and I put on a show, with visits from Pat the Cat puppet and grumpy pig puppet. I also made shadow puppets which was spontaneous because the sun was coming in perfectly for it. I read them "Everyone Poops" a funny look at, well, pooping. We laughed and talked, it helps them a lot. We will do it again next week. At the very beginning when I picked up the Facetime call, the ladies all had animal masks on-and they said they were animals and they wanted to be adoptd into our farm! That just made my day!

But then they told me they had honored Opie. When someone dies at the residence, they put a photo on the front entry table so everyone can see and honor their life and passing ...and they chose to put Opie there. I’m so honored...so is Opie. I have to tell you it made me stop in my tracks. I was so touched and honored. I think I hit a wall. Opie was my partner, he was young, he was a natural. I am mad he was taken. The question,

"Why?" can only be answered with 'Because."

The sadness is piled on with the sadness I have for the country. If you can not acknowledge that there are hate filled whites that want nothing more than to see people of color gone, you are not seeing clearly. It is not about politics. It is about 20% or more of the country truly fearful that their white privlidge is being taken. We've been here before, we in fact never left it behind. If one thing comes of this four years I hope it is that people, white people, will begin to acknowledge this. And it is not all a bunch of neanderthalls that went to the Capital, it was your Uncle, your pastor [I know one who was there], your doctor, your neighbor...the people that went about their lives...until a leader stepped in and gave them a megaphone, and helped choose their mantras for them, they fed off each other. 

So that is part of the real hurt of losing Opie. He was pure love. He wasn't inciting anything. He was just giving his time and love to old people, and to me. And now he was taken.

That is why this gesture of acknowledgment form the elders at Cove's means so much. It was and is a blessing that they ackowledged him, and in so doing ackowledged my therapy work.

Goodbye Opie

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

Opie died this morning minutes after this video. 

I got to the barn about an hour later than normal and I heard him crying when I entered. He was lying down. I got him up but he collapsed. I ran and got a pain shot and he cried when I left. On my return, Goose was at his side. I sat with and repositioned him in a safer spot and added more blankets. I got up after about five minutes and he calmed but I got up to quickly feed in the elder cat suite-and he cried. I quickly fed the cats and heard him cry once, then I heard The Goose honking. I stepped back out of the cat room and The Goose left Opie’s side. That’s when I took this video. I really believe he waited for me. That might sound egotistical but Opie and I were a working team. Last night he fell on his side and I knew it was probably days and would need to call the vet this week. I didn’t think it would be this fast but the CAE had effected his spine and the wasting was rapid. 

I am so glad I got to the barn when I did. It was so like Opie to wait for me. I am very very sad and upset.

It doesn't seem fair when youth is taken. But it is taken all the time. I think he was one more comet in the sky moving pretty fast for his size. He did more in his four years than some people do in a lifetime. He was a natural healer, just like Pino, and Birdie, and The Goose. I have seen it a million times with him, so have my activity directors at the various elder homes. 

I have been crying all day. Usually I am very stoic about the deaths, especially when I know they are coming. But some of them just knock you to your knees. On the one hand, the fact he died so quickly this morning is a blessing for both of us-he is out of stress and I was able to be with him in his home and there were no vets available today. I might have been able to get him up to Warren to the emergency small animal clinic but they might not have wanted to help due to license issues. To hear his cries was very hard. I have been with so many dying animals. Some cry quite a bit right near the end. I feel in many cases it is is fear, they don't understand what they are experiencing. That is why I'm so glad I got there. I wish I had been there sooner but he might have lingered anyway I don't know.

When he was diagnosed with CAE, I knew little about it. I've tried to learn as much as I can. It's a horrible non curable disease. I do know that he was very sensitive in his spine in the last days, and he had become so thin.

I have a huge ripped out heart. I have much to smile about, but combined with the chaos of the Capital mob, the hate emanating from many people-some in my own community-I will continue to weep as much as I need. Feel free to join in, let it out, and then remember that once upon a time a little goat made people happy in his own little natural way.

Opie returns to his healing practice and Pickles comes along

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Aug 6, 2020 at 12:33pm PDT

We returned to our old friends at Wiscasset Green and it was so wonderful to see them again. It is the first place we went with Opie, and he made regular visits there. We made friends, lost many of them over that two year period...and now we have made some new friends there and three of the original residents are still there and they were very happy to see Opie. I wondered what Opie would do, since he has not been on a therapy visit for awhile due to Covid. But he just fell right back into place, he visited each resident on his own, and then he gravitated to a couple of them as he always does. When we went to leave, he did not want to go, he stuck to Evelyn's side. I know she was hurting as she told me how hard it is not to be able to touch or hug their families. We got a kick out of Charlie. He was one of those guys that might not have shown interest in seeing a goat, but clearly got a kick out of Pickles. Pickles even fell asleep in Sylvia's lap.

I promised them we'd be returning for regular visits. The new care manager really understands and believes in what we are doing, and like me believes in the power of animals and how they can heal, or help heal a wounded heart. And I think all our hearts a pretty wounded right now.

View more photos on Instagram.

Opie got his wish!

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Jun 26, 2020 at 8:46am PDT

Opie Misses Cove’s Edge {And the animals have a plan}

{This is my monthly column for Tales & Tails for our local Lincoln County News paper}

“What’s an optimist?” asked Opie the tiniest goat of the farm.

“An optimist makes your eyes clean!” said Ollie the goat.

“That’s an optometrist,” said Earnest the pig. “You’re an optimist when you see that the glass is half full, not half empty,” Earnest explained.

“What’s a glass?” asked Opie.

“It’s a people bucket,” said Henneth, the blind chicken.

“The point is, Opie, you have to look at the situation with optimism– someday you will be able to visit your elder friends again at Coves Edge,” Earnest said.

Just then Harry the llama walked into the conversation.

“I enjoy looking into their windows, they smile at me,” he said. Harry has been going to Cove’s Edge to walk by windows so the residents can see him and wave.

“I’m too short to walk by the windows,” said Opie sadly.

“You need a ladder like the one in the shed,” said Earnest the pig.

“That’s a great idea,” Opie said. And he scurried off to the main house. In minutes, he returned, forlorn.

“Boss lady won’t let me use the ladder,” Opie said.

“You can’t visit your elder friends right now, Opie, but maybe you can make a gift, and then when you do get to go back to Cove’s Edge, you can give it to them,” said Earnest the pig.

Opie thought for awhile.

“I know, we’ll have a parade!” said Opie.

“Fabulous idea!” said Earnest. “We’ll need a marching band!”

Ollie ran in with a stick and began twirling it. “I saw a girl doing this in a parade on TV. She had white boots and fringe on her shirt. I will need a costume,” and he ran off to the house.

I returned with Ollie to the barn to find that the animals already had a sign up sheet on the wall. Earnest had been nominated as Director, Producer and Location Logistics Manager. Henneth the blind chicken was in charge of instruments.

Old Friede came out, she was one of the elder, crippled goats. Friede is very quiet and shy.

“I would like to be a clown,” she said.

We all grew quiet because we were surprised Friede would even want to partake.

“You will be the most wonderful clown!” Earnest told Friede. “Will you be a happy clown, or a sad clown?”

“I will be sassy and laugh out loud and twirl and dance,” said Friede, “just like when I was young.”

“We need someone to lead the parade,” said Earnest.

And everyone looked up, to Harry the llama.

“I’d be honored,” said Harry.

By the end of the day, the donkeys had been chosen to take up the rear of the parade, the ponies would carry flowers to be tossed to onlookers, and The Goose was also asked to take care of crowd control.

“And Opie, what will you do in the parade?” I asked.

“I will run up to all the people and tell them I missed them and that it is a wonderful day,” said Opie.

Bear and Opie's Love Mobile keep on rolling

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Jan 30, 2020 at 12:30pm PST

Every week the staff and residents notice how Bear is growing. I notice it too. I already look fondly at his first photos here, he is growing like a weed but still is completely a pup. He has a beautiful temperment and each visit I think we bond more with people, and I with him. People keep saying how calm he is. Well, I agree, but then I always add,

"Knock on wood."

I think that initial ride home in the truck, on my lap, for 2 hours was a real bonding thing for Bear. He was so timid, and trusted me instantly. He had too. I taught him basic 'sit' immediately, and within a day he was doing it on command, and does so on our therapy visits. He sits well on people's beds too and isn't too ansy-although as I've said before the home is kept sooooo warm and I give him water but at this stage water means piddle breaks outside, which is fine. The hot temperature of the place makes him pant a bit. Panting can mean other things-pain, anxiety, fear...but in this case, I truly think it is the temperature. He is not as bothered in the beginning hour. Some of the private rooms almost take my breath away they are so hot! If I ever end up there I will have to be buck naked at all times.

Opie has sort of taken a back seat in stardom to Bear, but I think he is okay with that. Opie's real talent lies in going up to people that need him most, something he can't do in The Love Mobile. Come summer when he can be in the courtyard he will be free to show his talent again. Will bear follow suit? We will see.

In the past two weeks, three people we visited at the home have died. They were sudden, and fast deaths. The thing is, you don't do this thinking nobody is going to leave. They all leave. I wonder if I could do this if my parents were still alive? It might sadden me in ways I could not fathom now. It's not that I don't feel sadness at times, I do. In fact, I have to treat myself to decompressing after visits, and sometimes I forget that the visits even though enjoyable and full of laughter too, the energy is very strong on some days, around some people. I have to remember that for the animals too. I have a ritual of pulling energy off their backs as I breath it in, then quickly release my hands as I breathe out. I thank the animals for their work that day.

This residence home is a good fit for what I want to accomplish with my work and animals. The staff is helpful and loves our mission. I am getting to know some of the visiting wives, 'The Wives Club" as they are called. I've been to homes that are so depressing the second you set foot in the place. This is not so here. They try really hard to make it full of life, versus bodies waiting. The rooms are rather hospital like, but that is the stage most of the resident are in, this is not a place you go when you are independent, it is the end of the line basically.

Bear and his friend John who used to have a lab and loves Bear

Opie holds court and Earnie talks to him

Even though he can get out, he stays in his basket with my command

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Jan 30, 2020 at 12:20pm PST

When you're forgotten and invisible

So if you are walking down the street one day, and you see some old and hollowed eyes, 

please don't pass them by again, say "Hello in there, hello" [John Prine]

Martyn and I, and Opie, popped over to Cove's Edge on Monday afternoon so Opie could spin around the complex in his Love Mobile. I usually go on Thursdays but due to holiday I went on Monday-I didn't not want to go, I know how hard the holidays can be, the memories they trigger, the sadness of beautiful Christmas songs.

We had nice visit. When we arrived, we were told Opie was greatly needed today, many of the residents were angry or grumpy with each other. We all knew the holiday was bringing that up. Many of the people in these residences do have family within driving distance, some even quite close, but they never come. I've already met some who endure that lonlieness, and it is not made up, I know it to be true.

It is hard to see your loved one in a home no matter how good the quality. Cove's Edge is part of a group of facilities here, one is for independendant living [they came to the farm this summer], one is for people who can live alone but need help so have their own apartment, and Cove's Edge is for rehab, hospice and full time care, I guess you might say it is often the end of the line. I have been to places that are truly depressing the minute you walk in the door but Cove's Edge is not like that. The staff are very good too, and they do a really good job creating a life within the halls of the place, even though most are wheelchair bound or bed bound.

No matter what positive spin one puts on it, it is hard. A body gets old but the mind is still there. Or a mind goes and the body is strong. Mates of fifty years die, dogs must be left behind, grandchildren feel funny visiting Gamma in a bed...

In some ways, it is easier for me. These are not my family. I do not have any dynamics or conflicting relationship issues with these people. My role is to bring a smile, a goat on wheels, and soon a puppy. And we will be doing that consistently, on a set weekday so the elders know it is part of their lives.

Martyn and I almost didn't go yesterday because I had not heard back from my contact-this is very, very busy and stressful time there and she handles it with humor and grace, but at the last minute she wrote and asked if could still come. And we hopped in the truck with Opie and arrived. I am so glad we went. We were needed, not just for the residents but the staff. We had some beautiful visits, we always do. There is never a visit that doesn't bring something to them, or me, or Opie. Opie was spot on and very focused.

One of the most touching cases we have there is a woman in her fifties who had issues that have left her immobile, speechless and wheelchair and bed bound. And she loves animals. We have visited with her with the pony and llama and now Opie. She is excited to meet Bear. I am bound not to disclose certain things due to privacy laws [like names, of course] but I have to say when I heard she has family that never comes, it is so sad. I don't know the reasons, it is their business. But no matter what, she is a young woman in a hurt body, and I know it is a depressing situation for her. I walk out of there and wonder how long the effect of an Opie visit might help. Does it matter if it is a minute or a day? Perhaps the more times we visit she will understand– I keep my word–I will be back, weekly.

When we were ready to go after an hour and a half, we wheeled out to the door, and many residents were told Opie was leaving so they got wheeled over to the entry-it took us awhile to get out of there-so sweet!

Last night, Martyn and I decided this has been our best Christamas...because it is balanced. We have done some fun things we never do [out to lunch, buying food at a local farm, stocking stuffer gifts, special cheeses] and we have had fun on the farm. But we have also done two therapy visits togehter with Opie. We have each other, and we have shared ourselves, and our goat, with people who need love.

I'm grateful. We've had so many cards this year too! I think people are really starting to get what we are doing. And people have sent bells, a baby blanket for Bear so he can sit on people's laps...it's all heart warming.

This is a volitile time for our country, and planet. I suppose their are 30% of the population that think things are fine, but many of us don't. There is more fear mongering coming from the top down than I've ever witnessed in my life which began in 1958. I bet many of the people we visit with at the home are on the opposite spectrum of us politically and socially....but we have many things in common–we need love, and care, we can all be broken and we can all be empathetic to those that are broken [or should be, some are not capable of empathy].

But to be invisible while still inhabiting your body...to watch staff and others rush by your bedroom door as you lay in wait for the next dinner bell...televisions on all over...no animals to hold, no ability to simply get up, turn off a tv, and grab a book you want to read...we need to notice our elders.

Is this my best work to date?

Yesterday Opie and I ventured over to Cove's Edge to take the Love Mobile for a spin around the complex. This was our second voyage and it was received as happily as the first. I am getting to know faces and some names and people are getting to know Opie and talk about him. Now when they see the Love Mobile they know what is coming. I am also so happy it allows us to visit those that are bed ridden.

Last night I was sitting by the fire reviewing my day - Martyn came with me which was nice too-and I had a flash thought go through my head: I think this is the best work I've done so far. I feel like my elder work with animals is so rewarding and important-and so me-but adding in my work with sharing animals with the elder people on a consistent basis is important work. I feel like I'm just beginning to touch on things that I've been preparing for for years.

There are so many stories within those walls. I like talking to the people. This visit I met a sweet woman who recently retired and has Parkinson's now. She had been a nurse and caregiver her entire life, and told me how she had cared for a gentlemen who had Parkinson's, long before she had it. She took extra care for him, and he knew it, and in his ending days he told her how her care had meant more than any other and how much it meant to him. And now here she was, being cared for the same cruel disease. My Uncle had it, and it is cruel.

But Opie also provides us with a way to share stories about animals, which leads the elders to talk about dogs they had or goats they raised. We also met a blind woman, who became blind from cancer treatments, and she smiled and smiled when we rolled Opie up so she could feel him.

I try to empathize what this would be like-to be sitting in a residence without animals, remembering my donkeys, horse, goats, and more...perhaps even my husband...would I survive that? We all would like to live out our days at home, like my mother did, mobile, free to drive, cook, and do things we are used to doing. But it doesn't always come in script form like that. While I don't dwell on it, in this work one is confronted every day with the fact that life is fragile and often unfair, and often daunting. There is a song that I heard recently-I forgot by whom, it goes–"Sooner or later one of us is going to have to live without the other." Many of these people have lost mates, or their mate lives in their home and they visit - sometimes daily. I hope I don't have to do this, or Martyn.

I don't dwell on this, but I definitely am aware that each day is a gift. I have so many freedoms. I have carved out a life, it took years to get here, but I carved it out for myself and I am intensely living it every day.

I'm not afraid of death. But I am afraid - if I dwell on it-to be kept alive in a building no matter how nice, without my animals, or my ability to make my decisions on the simplest of things like, "Think I'll get up and make a scrambled egg."

I hope Nature will grant me that wish, to live my life out with Nature around me. I have thought about this, NAture might be saying,

"Well, okay, we grant you that wish, but it might mean you will die sooner than you had in mind from a disease or accident." I guess...that would be okay.

Opie speaks

Opie on arrival to Apifera

Three years ago, Opie was born and shortly after came into our lives as a bottle baby. We were all graced by the set of events that would propell him to Apifera. He began his therapy visits soon after, and was a natural. Of course as a bottle baby, he was soft with people, but if you watch him in action when he is 'on the job', he knows his stuff, he silently weeds out the most tender in a room.

"Today I was born!" Opie said as I entered the barn.

"I know, what a good day for us," I said to him.

"But my mother died, and my brother," he said.

"Yes, that was a hard part of that day," I said.

"But I'm here now. Let's go run!"

I declined to run, but watched him skip out of the barn into the chilly day, and he stopped in the sun to chew his cud.

Opie with one his friends at a therapy visit...we miss her

Opie's Love Mobile...touching elders one hand at a time

This sweet guy had a great whit, and I told him Opie had never met an elf before.

I am still glowing in the afermath of love of Opie's first voyage out in his Love Mobile. Sometimes i get these great ideas and they almost manifest, but don't for whatever reasons-it is part of living with a creative brain and heart. But this time, we made it to a finish line and all the effort was worth it. I want to thank many of you that helped with donations to get our Love Mobile built [and of course, Martyn!].

The Mobile did great, Opie was as usual a star and love magnet, we rolled all over the complex–it is a big place and meandering but perfect for our Love Mobile with wide open hallways. The residents knew we were coming and are of all different levels of aging-some with dementia, others sharp as tacks but just unable to care for themselves, some blind, some in rehab hoping to go home. There were lots of smiles, lots of touching moments, lots of love being sent out of that little pygmy body of his.

We were there over two hours but it was so great. I was exhausted that night, but in a good way, and I know Opie too picks up on all sorts of feelings when he goes into a scene like this. I always massage him after, and praise him. I'm so proud of him!

We left our Mobile there and will do that for the winter so we can go back frequently. We plan to put a little mail box up on it, I'm not sure if that will take off, but it is one more thing for the staff to encourage the residents to do-write Opie a note-for fun.

I also plan to bring the new pup out in it too.

It is amazing what one little goat can bring into someone's day. I know too the staff loves it-they have very demanding jobs and I hadn't thought about that, that animal visits are good for them too. My main contact there is super appreciative of what we are doing-she really gets it and believes in animal therapy for healing the heart and soul. I too believe in the power of touch-and elder people are not touched enough. They want to be touched, I do believe this, within boundaries of course. But they are creatures that had long lives and love and pain and joy just like any person of any age-just like an old cat I bring home...I try to touch in appropriate ways when I feel it is okay.

None of us want to end up in assisted living. I am not sure I'd survive it emotioanlly. I have a good attitude, but, not being able to have one animal with me, or nature...this place is one of the nicer places...but it is still a facility and many of the people there were being visited my spouses. Some have left animals behind. When I go on a visit, I focus on their faces, and hands, and Opie, and my energy is upbeat-not so sun shiny that I am not being aware of where I am, but I want to be focused on my task-to take their hearts and lift them a teeny bit, even if it is for a short time. To let them know a little goat named Opie is coming back and it is no bother for us, we just like visiting and making them a little happier than the morning they awoke.

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Dec 6, 2019 at 1:55pm PST

Opie liked Earnie from his first visits and we love Earnie

The Mobile allows people in bed to pet him.

A little goat that makes someone smile, that's all

The Opie Love Mobile update

I have the Love Mobile almost ready to roll. But...a slight snag. The second time I put Opie in for a test drive with the added wall height we made, the stinker jumped out. I think when he's at the elder home he will be more focused on his duties...but I worked on using a sling system to help assure he stays in. I might also just add more height....

I don't want to take it out for our first visit and have a bad experience for him. The harness system is ok, it just would be nice to put him in and not worry about rigging it up.

But it is pretty cute. I ordered a license plate for him too, we don't want any trouble with law enforcement and since it s a small town every one nows everyone.

So stay tuned to the continuing saga of The Opie Love Mobile!

Opie's Love Mobile is about to roll!

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Nov 11, 2019 at 10:15am PST

I'm pretty excited that we got a lot of the Love Mobile ready to roll this week. I was able to spray paint the added siding we put on for height, and Martyn still needs to reinforce those sides which is easy peasy. I decided to see how Opie liked the mobile the other day, and he got right in with a little lift. He is used to being in the car with me so he really was fine when I rolled his Mobile around. I have a rubber matt in the bottom which allows him not to slip. He kind of started out wondering if he should bail, but once we started rolling around, I think he really liked it. He will understand the Mobile is his love machine once we start going to Cove's Edge in it. But I'll have a tether on him just to be safe.

Then I decided that it needs a canopy! So Martyn will build a lightweight wood frame today and I can add a fabric top, and little prayer flags of some sort.

I told Martyn that it would be fun to have a little baby cart that was hitched to the back for Opie's chicken. I just can't stop myself.

Martyn refuses to wire it for an AM/FM radio. Geese, some people.

Stay tuned. My horrible chest cold is waning but I'm still not quite ready to go to visit elders. But maybe very soon!