I have an art sale up on the shop through November. Lots of doodles, but also I am working on some new things and some will end up there, so check in on it from time to time if you are interested.
I also have new pieces up in the other sections and, again, am back in studio, focusing!
{I write a monthly Tails & Tales column for the local paper. This was this month's.}
“Goodbyes are hard, I don’t like them,” said young Hannah, the tiniest goat.
“Goodbyes hurt, so listen for the “hellos” that come your way,” said Auntie Bea, an old goat. “They help.”
We’d just found out that White Dog had bone cancer, with an estimate of a few months to live.
“He talks to the coyotes and tells them to stay away,” said Ollie the goat.
“He saved me from an eagle,” said Marta, one of the bantie hens.
White Dog is a Maremma, a breed that lives amongst the farm animals to protect them from predators.
“Mrs. Dunn, are you going to cry now?” asked Hannah the goat.
“I think so,” I said. “Every day, I see him in the field. And at night I see him as the moon rises. I can’t imagine not seeing him.”
Earnest the pig put his arm around me, and said, “I’ll still be here with you, Mrs. Dunn.”
And then Hannah cried, and Henneth the blind hen cried and that started all the hens crying, and soon all the goats were crying too. All that crying made White Dog come to the fence line to see what was happening.
“Are you okay?” asked White Dog.
“We’re sad because you have to leave us. Don’t go,” said Ollie the goat.
“Please stay,” said Pickles.
“It’s not up to me, or you. My body can’t keep up, so I have to let it go,” said White Dog.
“Where will you go?” asked Pickles.
“I will go everywhere, so I will still be over and around you,” said White Dog.
“Like the worms and dirt under our feet?” asked little Puddles the goat.
“Like the clouds?” asked little Hannah.
“Yes, exactly like that,” answered White Dog, stoically.
“That’s where Opie went!” said Pickles.
Earnest the pig got close to White Dog, and whispered to him,
“I’m sorry my tusks hurt you, White Dog. It was a misunderstanding,” said Earnest, referring to a run in over apples some months ago.
“It’s okay, the doctor stitched me up nicely,” said White Dog.
White Dog started to walk back to his tree as dusk and then the dark took hold.
“White Dog!” Pickles called out. “How will we know when you’re ready to go to the clouds?”
“I’m ready to go anytime,” he said, “But I’m waiting for you to understand I’m going to a place that’s here, there and everywhere.”
Pickles and Earnest walked together. “A place that is here, there and everywhere. It sounds really big,” Pickles said.
“That is why he can’t take his body, he needs to be light, like a feather, so he can ride clouds over the farm, or go anywhere,” the pig said.
Back at the barn, I got everyone settled for the night.
We could hear some coyotes far off in the woods. White Dog barked, and the coyote howls stopped soon after.
“Mrs. Dunn, are you crying again?” Hannah asked.
“Yes, she is,” said Earnest the pig.
So the turkey became very friendly and imprinted on the woman. When it came to rehome all her chickens and fowl, she was concerned about RGB, aka Ruthie–she wanted to find her a forever farm home, and somehow she heard of me.
Now, when I listened to the voice message, I was initially saying 'no' in my mind. I know nothing about turkeys, although I've heard some make nice barn pets. But I have a lot of fowl here and was just getting settled with the two naughty boy ducks [who suddenly have become gentlemen and are living again with the Pekin ducks]. And with White Dog's decline and cancer, I thought he might be upset by a larger fowl.
But then I heard the woman say she even thought Ruthie might be a good animal to take on visits to the elders.
Hmmm...um...sure, I thought.
But after talking to her at length, I felt her sincerity, and I agreed to take on RGB.
And I'm so glad I did. She is a lovely turkey. She has the perfect name as she is no push over, but she is not pushy with anyone and the first night I was worried she'd leave the open windows of the barn, but there she was the next morning. Each morning I arrive and she is usually on a perch in the White Dog barn. She wanders around at will staying close to the animals and barns. I can pick her up at will and hold her. Some nights she gets a bit grumpy [perhaps she is telling me, I am not a baby you don't need to hold me all the time], trying to peck my hand if she is perching. I learned from the woman that turkeys don't lay an egg a day like hens, they lay randomly and when they do they often hide the eggs, and they get a bit broody, and sometimes grumpy with you. I have not seen any eggs but they are very crafty.
I'm just thoroughly enjoying getting to know her and learn her language. She has beautiful pink coloring near her mouth and she is very pretty. Arlo the llama has more of a territorial feelings about her-which in fairness is part of being a llama. So I have Arlo and Teapot residing in the outside barn versus the inner sanctum. That way Ruth can perch and there is no issue. I have seen her go into Arlo's area there, and she puffs up and stands her ground-but I only worry he might grab her neck. On the other hand, I've seen her in there with The Teapot and Arlo just stays a distance. But I don't want any accidents and in time Arlo will learn her space and his. Captain Sparkle also thought she was a space creature. But now they eat in the same place.
I think the moral here is...being open to new experiences. I was ready to say 'no' based on feeling tired about my current bad boy ducks. But the more I heard and read about too, I thought, I think she is meant to be here. And with the sadness hanging over me with White Dog and his cancer, having a turkey embodying RGB is a nice addition to my day.
The other thing that made me happy is when Ruthie and her former owner came, she was so happy to see the farm here and she just felt so good knowing Ruthie would have a good life and be free to roam in the orchards but have a safe spot at night. I know how hard it is to leave or rehome animals when a big relocation happens-we went through it with my sheep and some other creatures when we left Oregon-it is a heavy job finding homes and feeling you are doing the right thing for animal and human. So I was happy I could somehow lesson her load a bit, and she knows Ruthie is safe and happy.
Baby Donkey is made of a wooden base, and is very sturdy. She is 16" long from nose to tail and 13" tall. Her hand stitching is of Apifera's own fiber, and silk and cotton thread. She is a one of a kind.
Visit Baby Donkey on the shop and see more photos of her and adopt her >
But I've been having trouble for a long time now carving out time for art, and with art, for me anyway, I need chuncks of time to ponder, explore in my head with out thinking of everything else I have to do.
I feel I'm shifting into my art raggedy dolls too, frustratingly. I say frustratingly because they take a lot longer to birth than a painting. I am also limited in certain skills like using methods to make them stand as I want and I fumble along.
Then again, I have written and created four more illustrated books since arriving in Maine and I seem to forget that.
Ack.
Anyway, autumn is full on now, it's pouring out today and I love it. I am determined to keep my November through April more open for me and the studio. I will not abandon my elders at Cove's Edge but am going to focus on them as far as elder visits. I also take care of the business side of things here, completely–the books, taxes, bills, truck and tractor work, repair scheduling, groceries, feed stores, vets, furnace and fireplace, doctor appointments. It's amazing how much time is eaten away with that. I think of my mother-and all mothers-who had kids to haul around and how they said their day felt like it was in a car. Mine is often at the computer.
Anyway, the shifting thing. I think in my life there are clear, distinct shifts that have happened. They seem to happen overnight but I think I gather information in my head for months, years even, and then one day wake up and say to myself, "I'm moving to Maine," or "I'm going to make books now." And I feel my spirit guides want me to shift, but I keep false starting into it. Maybe I'm afraid of losing what I have. But if I look back on any shift I've made, it always brought more abundance into my life.
Or maybe I just need more cat naps, something I've started on a rather regular basis.
These smaller visits are really what I love, as they allow more intimacy with the elders, and me, and the animals. I was so touched because before they left, Linda called me over and held my hand [touch is very important for her] and handed me a card. She told me, in tears, that the last visit with Biggs and The Teapot meant so much to her and it helped her spirits for days. I read her card later and in part it said,
"The horses and the dog made me feel like I was home again after years. It lifted my spirits for days and I'll always cherish that visit. I enjoyed myself for the first time in a very long time."
This of course is why we do this, to lift them up, to give them something outside of the confinement and lack of independence they are faced with at the residence. As we had our visit, there was a lawn mower in the distance, and geese flying overhead. I realized at the residence they never hear these things, things we all hear and take for granted, and a lawn mower might be considered an annoyance, but to those in the home, it is a reminder of their old life. It must be a continual bittersweet sensation when they think of home.
Pat the Cat at one point said..."So peaceful." I commented that at the residence it is very hard to find a spot of one's own to just sit, and be alone in peace and quiet. She agreed. Pat the Cat is a friendly, nice woman but we all need, and some of us more than others, our time alone to just be with our thoughts.
I am glad I can help them, I wish I could give them their homes again but I can't.
I was happy White Dog partook in the day too. He had a sore morning, I could tell, and he dd not come out of the barn all morning after chores. I did not want to force him. But right about when they were due to arrive, he perked up and insisted on coming to the gate and he waited. It's like he knew they were coming. Knowing him as I do, I don't doubt he knew they were coming to visit. So in he came. What a healer he is, but of course, now with his bone cancer, these meetings take on a double meaning, a stoic one, a heartfelt and bittersweet one....but I'm so glad he can have this in his final days or weeks.
And thanks to the generosity of Martyn's boss, he had the crew come over one afternoon and we got the 12 tons of hay in. Phew. That was a huge load off my mind. I crashed that night and even though I knew how much worry it was causing me, I really knew after it was all stacked. We could have done it on our own, but...it would have been so hard and taken us 4 separate weekends most likely. I can't toss the bales up high anymore due to my shoulders. Thank goodness I didn't need to get our usual 17 tons since we are starting later this year to give hay. I have to say, it is such tiny hay bales, they are compressed Canadian, very consistent and better protein. So far everyone is eating it even though there is some stem left but nothing horrible. It cost more by about $2.75 a bale, but if it is higher protein I might try to do half and half next year. But getting the one ton pallets here is a task. I don't think its fair to rely on the crew each year. They did it pro bono for us, which was so helpful and generous but I can't expect that.
Anyway, we got so much done this weekend. Little jobs that mean a lot-like getting kindling cut, getting debris out of fields from past jobs, securing some fence issues, and on and on.
And...the book arrived! Friday afternoon. And it is beautiful. The shipping fiasco-they could not find the pallet in the route from customs-was all because of lack of employees and the mess the world is in all over with Covid. So, I will be getting those out to buyers next week.
Mainly, I want more creative time. It seems like my September was full of so many appointments. And now October is looking like that too-truck fixes, over due doctor stuff, many, many vet visits...I am frustrated by the lack of studio time, but I have to say, I think maybe I needed to be away for awhile from it, I don't know. I just started a raggedy creature and this week despite more appointments I hope to have time for it. I'm percolating things in my mind too as I work.
We also had two vet needs arise in two days-Jonathan the elder cat had what might have been blockage but thankfully it was not and meds helped him. It means going back to all urinary cat food, which I always used before but the then-residents of the elder suite just stopped eating it after years. But now I will go back to it soley. And then I had to have the vet out for old Matilda and her chronic lameness. I had searched for an abscess over the past weeks but found none so wanted an x-ray done which we did. But the vet did fine the abscess which had popped. At least I was looking at the right spot but never found tenderness, maybe I wasn't pushing hard enough. Since it was on the bottom of foot we have her wrapped in a boot. She got instant relief I think. We took a blood panel just to have. And I have her up to 5# of supplement versus the paltry 1# what would eat before we learned her levels had changed and we changed her medicine. She is eating much better now.
Such a mundane boring post! But I have been enjoying getting tasks on my list done. Feels good to get prepped for winter. I hope we have lots of snow this year!
UPDATE! The Walter book was suppose to arrive Friday. It was shipped on time from my Canadian printer [I have used them for all my books] but is sitting at the US side of the border and has a customs hold on the container [so not necessarily an issue with my books, but with the entire shipment container.
There are many on all sides trying to get me answers on an arrival date. Frustrating to say the least but in time it will be here. Thank you to all pre buyers for your patience!
This has never happened and I suspect part of the trouble is shippers all over the country are having staffing issues.
And the other good news is you can now mix and match designs!
Linda lives at Cove's Edge where we visit regularly, and she went blind from a disease several years ago. The disease also effects her breathing and she is in a wheelchair. You might remember her in photos, pre pandemic, holding little Bear in her lap, she loved it. She loves animals and once had horses and other critters.
It's hard for her in many ways, physically and emotionally and my Girl Friday at Cove's thought it would be nice to get her out on her own to the farm, and I was right on board. I didn't have my assistant equine person but with two caretakers and me, I knew we could handle the horses so I brought in Biggs first. The flies were bad, but she was moved to feel a horse again. And then I asked if I could bring the pony, and of course she said yes. But also, I wanted to bring White Dog in, who is a natural but under the circumstances I knew he too would benefit. And he did. In fact, when The Teapot was getting hugged, White Dog also asked for more.
At some point, Linda said that "It feels like home."
This is why we do what we do. And I've written about it many times. The biggest sadness of the elders in residences is they are not home. They appreciate the care, but it is not home.
We also talked about touch, the importance of it in our lives, and of course to the blind touch is very important, and smell. I reiterated that the animals allow the elders to touch, and be touched, and I also touch them. Many people without even knowing it are shunning elders in their daily lives, almost as if they don't want to look. Linda said it best, "They are afraid they are going to be old too, or like me'. I agreed. None of us want to become non independent. It is a visceral fear.
Linda has been through so much in the past years losing her eyesight, and her husband and her home. For those two hours though, she was free-free of the constant noise in the residence, free of all the activity around her, and she was also free to talk on her own and have a one on one conversation. To know she felt at home, it just was so heartwarming, even though fleeting.
We described all the things around us, the goats wandering, the ducks and The Goose-who spoke frequently and Linda talked back to him- and the sheep and llamas in the outer fields.
When it was time to leave, she grabbed her two caretakers arms and wanted hugs and she cried, she thanked them over and over for making it happen. We already are planning another visit. I'm hoping we can do it in the outer barn where she can be surrounded by the donkeys and horses. My Girl Friday is on board. It takes a village to care for our elders.
I am a big fan of the NPR show, Hidden Brain, and today's episode was riveting for me. It details the life of a nurse who in her 50's is diagnosed with ALS. The story had insight for me, and resonated on personal levels because I know someone who was diagnosed recently and over time I have been learning a lot about the challenges of ALS patients. It's a cruel disease.
While the episode goes into great detail about how the family cope with the diagnosis, it also focuses on what we might choose at our death, versus what we say we want at our death. This woman saw suffering due to her job as a nurse. She made it very clear to her husband and sons she did not want to linger, she did not want to be lying on a ventilator. She said this many times. The husband faithfully and lovingly cared for her and in the early stages of ALS she is able to live, and travel and do the things she wanted. But soon she begins to have other side effects of this horrid disease, and eventually has a feeding tube put in. But she and her husband continue to walk and drive to the beach where he carries her food and feeds her. They were both living, they did not talk about death, they were still living.
But then one day, suddenly, they are faced with a decision, after she has an episode of her lungs filling up with mucous. They are told she has the choice of hospice, or to be put on a ventilator, which will be permanent. Nobody discussed it with her family, but she chooses the ventilator, and they are shocked and dismayed. But they eventually take her home, and set up an ICU basically, in the living room, and they have four days for 4 full time nurses to teach them how to use the equipment. On the final day, something goes wrong.
I won't go into more of the details of what happens, but the story really focuses on the idea that we really don't know how we might act if we had been faced with death on that day. Martyn and I have had the same discussions-no gallant efforts to make me live like a vegetable, or if I can't walk to the barnyard and can't use my limbs and do what I love, don't do the heroics. No tubes. And this woman was like that. She knew what the ventilator meant, with a tracheotomy. But she chose, when forced to in that situation, to live. Perhaps because she just wasn't ready at that very moment. Even though they all knew her disease was what would kill her, she wasn't ready at that moment.
Every day a hospice caretaker sat with her in the house, sometimes for minutes, but she would tell the husband [in her non verbal way] she just was not ready to die or admit defeat or go to hospice. But one day, the hospice nurse was there for a much longer time, and came out and told her husband she was ready to die. She died two days later in hospice.
I was so riveted by the show. The husband is the narrator as is one of the adult sons and it brought to light many things we all will face, most likely, at some point.
It also made me hate ALS even more than I did. I want my friend to die with dignity and no drama.
It really helps to bring in larger donations when foundations and trusts can see valid reviews on trusted non profit sites, such as Great Non Profits [just click on the 'share your story' button]
If you have been to Apifera, experienced the setting and animals, if you follow along and see the work we do in caretaking elder and special needs animals, if you love the work we do helping elder people with our animal visits and you donate because of that, please write us a review-doesn't have to be long.
Or perhaps one of your loved ones has benefited from Harry the llama, or Bear the pup, or Opie the goat or many others via our visits, or by our stories we share.
It takes a village to keep a non profit like this going and I'm grateful for all of your support both monetarily and emotionally.
The beginning of September is always a favorite time for me. I always feel like it is a time to take stock on what has been, and what is needed and coming. I liken it to being a flower in the garden, I bloomed all summer full force and now it is time to reflect more and go within as winter comes, a time of creative renewal once the summer chores of the farm lesson [not that they ever go away].
This summer started out pretty good. We had some equine healing days and Beauty Parlor Days here at the farm with elder residences. But that was cut short quickly with rising Delta cases. We also could not secure a porta potty this year due to the pandemic-go figure! I can't have elders using the house bathroom, it is unsafe due to the old house trip factors, and the many animals wondering inside. It also takes me away from the animals outside and it just isn't practical [we had an incident with someone really needing to go, so we agreed of course, but it wasn't a good situation. I need to be with the animals].
So I was disappointed in the lack of equine healing visits, especially since Biggs really seems like a natural.
But our visits to Cove's Edge have been really special, and to be able to see them in person and not through a window is great. We also have had them come in a visit on their van, and me and some smaller animals go on the van-perfect for hot weather! My Girl Friday there is going to attempt more of these visits with a couple of the wheelchair residents, and one that is blind who loves the animals and touch is so important for her. The heat and humidity made visits a challenge too, and rain!
I have other ideas about how to keep the residents lifted up in winter. I am wondering about a letter writing project where one of the animals writes every week and my Girl Friday can read it out loud. I also am looking into a portable projector where she could put a photo show on the wall. All of this depends on how the pandemic swings, but I am feeling like things might close up again. We'll see.
I think this year has been even stranger than last year when we were in lock down. Last year, we knew what we had to do-stay home except for the most important tasks. At least that is what much of America did. This year, it felt like starts and stops, more uncertainty, anger everywhere, confusion, misinformation-all lumped in with so many upsetting things in the world like climate change and wild fires, wars, refugees...the list goes on and on.
I feel like I got a bit beat up by it all, as many of you have. I always strive to keep my posts online upbeat, but honest. I'm also more than ever putting on my pink bubble suit to defect many comments that are in my face. I think most people, good people many of them, are on edge. I get it. So I post Pickles leaps and Franklin Muffinpants chats and Harry the llama giving kisses to elder people. And sometimes I slip, and post something a bit more raw, and there's always somebody who calls it out-stop, Katherine, we come here to be uplifted, do not share that side of your feelings!
I'm dancing as fast as I can.
It's hard to be honest right now and upbeat at the same time. Maybe you disagree, but as an empath, and a sensitive soul, I am having many spiritual conflicts...about my fellow humans, and about my feelings toward them. This is a time to really grow spiritually-at some point. When I get there I'll write about it. I was thinking the other day that animals have never angered me-well, except biting flies-and nature has never angered me on the same level...but people do, and I'm working on that through this upheaval of a divided world.
So...goals for the non profit are to keep trying, to keep sharing the animal stories, to keep showing up for our elder people. You know, I don't think they really understand how important the visits are for me too, they feel like family visits to me.
So, how are you coping in this world these days? Are you isolating more, or are you trying new things?
I am remiss this week. With taking caare of White Dog adding some extra weight on my shoulders [FYI he is doing well, eating and taking his meds and the scars are healing well with no stitches busting, thank goodness] I've neglected writing here...in my quite place. I call the blog that becasue it is where you can come and not be bombarded with ads, feeds, likes and mch of the time, food fights.
Autumn is here [for me anyway] and I always like to take time to reflect on where I'm headed, or want to head-in art and the farm. I always get rejeuvenated creatively in fall and I have lots of ideas. The Walter book should be shipping in 9/20 range and I am mulling doing some weekend art/book gigs in The Lovey Hut this October-depending on the pandemic.
Anyway, I hope your Labor Day is full of good things.
