Why is this so scary?

When I started this blog back in 2009 it was a new platform. There was no Facebook, Instagram, or TicToc. It was a wonderful time to get into blogs because people actually came here and communicated over a post. I became friends in real life with many of those people, and many still follow along in social media. The blog helped me get into writing, daily and consistently. My writing has really improved over the years because I work at it.

But in time, the other social media platforms have really taken over. I've been digging my heals in the ground about my blog for several years. What I like about it, for me, is it is a history all on one page of the farm and animals. It is a quieter place for people to come without ads and videos popping up in their feeds.

But I think the reality is...people who follow me generally don't come here much, and if they do, they don't comment or partake. That's fine. It's the reality of social media. Nothing stays the same, and blogs have faced that. 

I feel like I've been having to try to write on the blog–where as I more enjoy sharing my day and movies and stories on IG and TicToc - which all are shared on the Apifera Facebook page. 

I feel like the blog is....maybe done. But I'm fond of it. And as social media is always changing, having the blog is a safety net in some ways.

If the blog was gone, I don't think I'd notice much difference in donations, or art sales, since the blog seems to have become more of an archive of the farm's history, and my history when Apifera was started.

I don't know. I feel like it would be freeing to say....it'll stay up, but my daily writings and photos, videos, puppet movies and more will happen on my other platforms.

Why is that so scary for me, to let go...

Greeting the day!

 

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

Things are settling...and thank you

After rushing around for days we have made it safe for The Goose and the other fowl to not have to be terrorized by the male ducks. I know they are just being themselves but I'm relieved we at least got part one of the Keep The Terrorists Out of The Front Paddocks done.

The Goose is relieved and has been back grazing in his orchard and doesn't look terrified anytime the two males approach the fenceline.

Now the Terrorists are living free range in the outer barn and pasture where the sheep and Luci graze. They are harmless with them but they like to corner White Dog in the morning near his food. This is an accident waiting to happen but it is complicated because White Dog comes into the barn to eat so no ponies or sheep will eat his food-and he does not like anyone near his food, as most Maremmas will tell you. So eventually we will have stage 2 and 3 done where we will have a secure area within a couple other paddocks where The Terrorists can stay. At least that's the plan. Plans can shift, especially with marauding terrorists.

I want to thank so many of you for rising to Goose's need and donating! Really, I so appreciate it. It takes a village around here...and Martyn.  

Trauma for The Goose, and me...

 

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

I’m raising money for an unexpected need…$1500 to cover pressure treated posts and boards and no climb fence-materials are more expensive now. For the past months, the two male ducks have really been trouble. They keep squeezing under and through fence areas despite my efforts and harass The Goose. They also harass the three lady ducks and older goats if they get in that area. I am literally adjusting fencing almost daily…but they can contort under. 

I thought I had it down but yesterday was the last straw. I found The Goose battered, panting and panicked. It took me about 30 minutes to calm him, by holding him, stroking him and just sitting with him until he stopped panting. If you have had male ducks you know they get on the back of an animal and pin their neck with their beaks [much like roosters]. Love making to a duck or chicken is the opposite of the word, it is aggressive. They’ve drawn blood now on animals and that’s the last straw. I want to recreate an area near the pigs where they will not get out…I will also rehome them to another duck home if someone out there comes along. For now they are in outer barn until I can get material to contain them. 

 One of the biggest ways I use energy, and creativity, is to constantly be thinking of solutions when things like this arise-and they arise all the time. It is one reason I don't travel [I did my fair of traveling, I am very content as a homebody, believe me]. Even a trip to the grocery store can  have be come home to a surprise situation. I am not complaining, but to people that ask me about starting a sanctuary...I always tell them, you have to be present in mind and body and drop everything to fix or rearrange or interfere.

The Goose was brought to us becasue he was always getting beat up by the other geese. On his arrival, it was clear he was a sensitive soul, seeking out the ill or dying. First it was Rosie the pig who he stayed with, then Birdie. He would stick close to many who were in their final days. He would preen Muddy's cancerous leg. Whenever he starts gravitating to an animal, I listen and watch. He is a spirit animal to me and he deserves to be left alone. I told him I was sorry that once again I had let him down. While I am not the aggressor, I am his caretaker and I keep telling him it won't happen again, but it does and this time was especially bad. So toomorrow and through the weekend I will get it done.

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A capture from this morning

I caught this image this morning, right as some rain clouds blew in...I find it both mysterious and mystical. As one of my readers said, it looks like it was taken in the 1700's when the house was built.

We swoon every day over her

I am so enjoying spring this year, and all the crab apples are blooming together. It is spectacular. So every day I can't help but take as many photos as I can. The bees are buzzing! 

I am watching out for two mother birds who are roosting-one is the mother dove outside my office window, the other is a robin in the rafters above the pony area. The five chicks are feathering out but sill under heat for now. The garden is popping! The vegetable bed is planted. The sheep are being sheered and the llamas were sheered last week. Spring is so full of work, but hope, and beauty and reemergence.

Everyday of spring I am aware that winter is coming, every day of being 63 I know that 80 is right around the corner. It all goes in a flash. It goes fast every year, just like our wise mothers told us. And that is why I will be outside most of this week, just looking, smelling, gardening, brushing horses...because there will most likely be a day when I can't. We work hard and we rest easy.

Maine skies

I like Maine. I feel very at home here, with the terrain and feeling of the area. Of course, Maine is big and varied, I might not feel that way farther north I don't know. Maine to me is a mix of my homeland of Minnesota and my memories of New England when I was in college.

But the sky here is very intense. It changes dramatically on an hour by hour basis. We are on the coast so the storms that blow through gives us drama in such a beautiful way-tones of Payne's Gray all over.

I caught this photo the other day and I especially like it.

Working in between realities

In between realities....that seems to be the state of my artist brain. When I'm painting, I am in an inner reality, but then when I look outside at my barnyard it feels like I am in the reality of the painting.

Or I've gone mad.

Anyway, the spring is percolating and the garden is popping and the green is greening. The puppy has a week under his belt and he is the bravest little chap, much braver than Bear was. He is also more independent, not afraid to wonder around on his own, although he loves Bear, and Officer Mittens too. He squeezed through the gate and I caught this photo, but rescued him before Calla could pounce him, which she would of. His little bones are ready for that.

I've been wroking on the Walter book. It is really one of those cathartic projects for me, one that I hope to have ready for you in the coming month. It should flow out of me once I'm fully engaged. I'm trying to be in studio working on it at least 4 days a week. May is always one of the busiest months on the farm. We have the vegetable garden to prep and plant, sheering the sheep and llamas is coming up and all the spring vaccines and feet trims and such. The healing visits to the farm are ramping up too and I hope to be taking Harry out in due time too.

I predict this summer will be crazy with out of towners. People are pent up. The grocery store usually sees what I call the polite old timers return to their summer homes. They are quiet, dress down and are polite at the store. Then in July it heats up with many people passing through to Acadia, often with hundred kids in tow. They are louder and more in their vacation mode shouting into phones and such. I was at the store yesterday and the out of towners are already here, and many were not local summer people, I could tell. I sound like a grumpy old fart but you really do feel like they descend on the town like summer flies. Some are quiet, many aren't. I am happy for the shop keepers though, they rely on these same people to make a living and I'm sure they need all the help they can get this year, although I know many that did fine with smart marketing and loyal national base. I'm grateful we got our house when we did. Like many areas in the country, the real estate market is nuts and there is very little available.

Feeling the sadness through the screen

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

Today Was Facetime Friday. I decided to bring The Goose in...what could possibly go wrong? He stayed in Bear's play pen while Officer Mittens kept his eyes on him. He pooped a lot. He flapped his wings and preened. One woman was worried he was sick due to his wrinkled feathers. We discuss the inside's of a goose bill and how they can really hurt you if they need too.

 I felt the sadness and 'worn outness' of my elder friends at Cove's. They are once again in a 2 week 'can not gather, no visitors' place due to a staff positive test. I just felt we, they, are all drained from staff to residents to onlookers. We talked about how it all seems to go in starts and stops, this recovery. My main gal friday was off today so Amy, my second in command gal friday, did a great job. Since they could not gather in groups, she walked the halls and we visited that way. I got to see some familiar faces I had not seen for a year...including Earnie. I also learned of two passings I did not know about. Everyone is just tired. How can they not be, if I'm tired of it how must it be for them?  One gentleman had just moved in and was not happy, how or why would he be? He wanted someone to help him speak to someone-it was out of my realm and it made me feel upset for him, or anyone in that situation.

I am not sure if seeing a goose in a tiny phone screen helped. I feel sadness.

I am going to think of something to drop of for residents next week, and staff, to lift their spirits.

This just brings me peace

 

Who knows what goes on in his mind?

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Apr 6, 2020 at 8:17am PDT

I know life is serious right now, but I moved this green ball into the orchard today for the dogs but Goose has decided to conquer it. Some have suggested he thinks it is an egg. Perhaps, who knows what lurks in The Goose's mind? Bear is trying very hard to befriend him, but since The goose seems to have decided Mud needs more protecting [I have a theory he can smell his arthritis} so Bear will have his work cut out for him.

It's The Wind, not the wind

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Feb 27, 2020 at 7:20am PST

I have always felt that Earth, and Nature and all they encompass, is like a big community of individual characters that work together, sometimes push against each other–but they are all entwined, as are we.

I refer to many elements of Nature as proper nouns–The Wind, The Wood, and The Big Water–because I'm very aware of them as independent spirits. I can't tell them what to do. I love hearing and seeing them, but they have much greater power than me and I respect that. But they, and we, are all entwined. You toss a log in a stream and it not only has consequences to the impact area, but everything that is connected to that water is impacted. Our environmental situation is dire. I wish schools would continue teaching science, but I wish too they would teach more Native American and Indiginous traditions and cultures. The Indiginous are so much more in tune with Nature, and sadly many are losing their Nature because of greed and exploitation and climate issues.

All of these characters seem magnified in Maine. In Oregon, The Wind was beautiful and of course could wreak havoc, just as it does anywhere, but The Wind here comes off the sea and it has an entirely different sound than when it came off the coastal range. The Wood here is more mysterious, for me anyway, as it feels like it holds spirits more firmly. The back Wood is much more uninviting than the side Wood. I don't go to the back Wood, except maybe once a year to make sure nobody is dumping on it like they did years ago before our time [sadly, a common practice, like a midden of trash].

Having a view of The Big Water is not something I even knew we had when we bought the house [we bought it without physically visiting]. It is actually a cove that we see - but sometimes I look at it and just get very happy, "Oh, that's right, we live by the sea."

We have lots of gusty days here, which is part of sea living. I think it is beautiful and physically satisfying to live here because of its location and history–it is a very visceral place for me. There of course is sort of a romance to living in Maine propagated by writers and artists over the centuries, I suppose. It is actually a lot like Oregon in some ways, renagade and independent. But it is very different in the people, I feel. I feel like there is a stronger work ethic here. If you don't work hard here in summer and fall, you will freeze to death come November, it's that simple.

When a goose and an old goat come knocking and sometimes we fall and tinkle

The Goose and old goat come knocking

“I think you should knock,” I heard a whispering voice say as I stood near the front door getting ready to put on my coat.

“I’m crippled, you do it,” another voice said. I recognized it as Sophie’s voice, the very old goat. Which led me to think she was most likely with The Goose who tended to chaperone her, or any needy animals.

I peeked out the side window. I considered crawling on my hands and knees under the window to get back to the kitchen, but the intrigue of what they wanted got the best of me.

The Goose and the goat, and any barn animals to be clear are not supposed to be at the front door. It is the domain of the humans, and the house dogs. So when they crossed that gate line, it usually was for a reason and I learned over the years not to ignore them.

“What is going on?” I asked, as I opened the door.

“We have an issue,” said The Goose.

“Yes, we need issue advice,” said the old goat.

I sat down on the stoop and shut the door. It was chilly but I enjoyed the winter’s crisp air and I could smell the wafts from the cove.

“I’m listening,” I said.

“Do you have any crackers or perhaps toast in your pocket?” asked the old goat.

“No, is that the issue?”

“Heavens no, that is not an issue, I’m just hungry, you have not given me breakfast yet,” she said.

“I haven’t fed you because I just got up and I’m sitting here waiting to help with your issue!” I snapped.

The Goose took over.

“I have asked Sophie here to be my valentine. There is a dance on Saturday night,” he said.

A dance, I thought. I have not been invited.

“And I’ve been asked by Ollie the goat,” said Sophie. “I accepted both invitations, but I want to go with The Goose.”

Hussy, I thought.

“Why not just all go together, as friends. I used to do that in college and it was more fun than a date,” I said.

“Was that in the World War? I saw a movie on that,” said The Goose.

“No, I was not in a World War, thank you very much,” I said.

Then old Sophie leaned into The Goose and whispered to him.

And The Goose explained, first clearing his long throat. “Ahem. Sophie fell when we practiced the box step. And that made her tinkle in her dance dress. She likes the dances because they bring her warm memories of being at her grandparents’ dances, she likes the music, especially the fiddle.” Goose said.

There’s going to be a fiddle? I thought.

He went on, “She wants me to be her jealous suitor so nobody will dance with her, so she doesn’t tinkle in her pants.”

I held Sophie’s old head, and said, “Ah, lass, we all tinkle in our pants when we fall. I can be Ollie’s date.”

The Goose practices his two step

Leaves let go so must we

"Getting old isn't for sissies", my mother used to say. But, like my mother, Sophie puts one foot in front of the other and keeps going, keeps doing what her body wants to do even if it is limited.

A day go, I went to feed the goats in the front stall area, nine of them varying in health and age. Sophie is the oldest in that group and despite the condition she was born with and crippling effects of it, she is not a pushover. But a few days ago I noticed Sophie seemed a bit weaker than her normal state, and yesterday as I walked into the stall, and all the goats circle around and tried to position themselves, Sophie was unable to lift herself up.

I helped her and she seemed fine, but I knew this is a new stage of her elder years.

After my chores were down at the outer barn, I came back to find Sophie cast, outside her barn, laying in wait for me to help her. I got her up and held her and she seemed okay, but she also seemed tired.

I assumed that the slight incline of the terrain there, and the other goats rushing about and bumping into her, caused her fall. So I moved her out to the area where Opie lives with his few chickens, The Goose, and the very elder and frail Else the goat. I was pleased to see Sophie out in the sun this morning, The Goose escorting her around. The Goose and Sophie have a fragile relationship in that The Goose over care takes her sometimes, and then Sophie grabs at his feathers. If I find a clump of feathers, and then find The Goose hiding in the hay room, sullen, I know they have had a slight encounter. It is actually both funny and heartbreaking, as he looks like he really has hurt feelings, and I pick him up and tuck his head into my coat [geese love this swanning position]. No harm is ever done and when I put him down, he waddles off back to his happy Goose self, like a little child who cried over spilled milk but cheers up the instant Mom dries his tears.

You know we have no control of death, or much else. And you know my rule is to not ask any creature to 'not die on me', {note: I have failed at this on occasion} but I have to say I don't want her to die, not yet. But someday she will. They all will. You take the old ones on and you know this. You take the young ones on too and know this but it isn't presented to you on arrival. But you still have to talk yourself down sometimes, reminding yourself what you already know, that there are signs she is transitioning. And even though it might not be this week, or this month, I don't get to pick the date when I say, "Okay, I am prepared now, take her if you must."

Nature is not interested in us being ready for anything. Nature is Nature and allows herself to just be. She doesn't judge us but she doesn't listen to our needs, she is just Nature, there to teach us that leaves let go, and fall, and die, and feed worms and dirt.

If you open a space, they will come to you, they will shift

Captain Sparkle leans into my guest

I wanted to write about this before I get swept up in the next days of the annual event [on Saturday]. Some beautiful encounters took place in the last couple days. I can say this is a daily thing here, but sometimes even I am reminded of the intuitive skills of nature and animals [and humans if we can recognize it and practice it].

Yesterday friends came to visit for the morning all the way from Oregon. It was so great to take time with them, since they knew Apifera out west from the onset, and actually delivered several Misfits to me to help out, including goats and dear sweet Hughie. But what was even more special for me was to see how some of the animals responded to the visit. I was surprised but also delighted that of all the current animals, I never thought Captain Sparkle would show such camaraderie with a guest. I've only had him out with strangers once as you know, and he did fine, but was a bit sidetracked since we were in a strange place. So when we stepped into his paddock where he lives with Arlo and The Teapot, we we all so happy to see that he almost immediately went up to my friend Lisa and leaned into her. He was so quiet and calm, and even started napping. He stood there the entire time. I felt a real shift in him in the last week or so. I think he definitely understands now that he is safe, and that I am the leader and protector against the boss pants, aka The Teapot. Captain Sparkle just swept me away on this visit, and I knew that in time, this little chap will evolve his purpose here, and get great reciprocal healing from it.

There was also an exciting–for me–shift with Harry. We went into the new barn addition to hang out with the donkeys and Harry, and we probably stood there for a half hour or more chatting. Within time, Harry started coming over to me. Harry is not scared or mean, he is still just ungrounded here, but he has begun to recognize my role here. My friend noticed he was paying close attention to me [wow, someone really listens to me].

It dawned on me that the way to put this into words...is that when we give the animals space, they can feel comfortable making their own intuitive response. If you back a horse into a corner and he doesn't trust you, it's dangerous and scary for the horse; if you give that horse space to understand the situation, he responds more calmly. 

I realized that having some people there that I was focused on, allowed Harry to feel more open to exploring...me.

It was a shift.

And then this morning a heart in throat encounter. Many of you who follow along know the beautiful story of friendship between The Goose and Birdie the llama. He was with her through it all. And you know that The Goose seems to gravitate to those in need. I do not take his skill lightly. We all know that Else is very old and crippled and fading...but this morning when I came back from the outer barn, she had brought herself outside to sun, without my help. I squatted down to take a photo as Opie stood near her. And in seconds, The Goose came over to make sure things were as they should be. He preened her some, but not a lot, circled her, and they tilted their heads together for seconds.

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Oct 3, 2019 at 9:22am PDT

The Goose checks on old Else

My friend Lisa gets a surprise visit from Harry

I embraced winter so I guess I can embrace this

The Goose and Miss Lilac both stunning

Many years ago, when I was living as a single woman in my little Minneapolis bungalow, I made choice to embrace winter. I actually loved winter, but it could and can get to you, especially when I lived alone and had to shovel and all that. But I began walking almost everyday, no matter the temp. The other day as the weather warmed, and a flock of mosquitoes - or are they a herd since they are as big as elephants this year?- followed me everywhere, I decided I had to embrace summer.

Summer is my least favorite season, always has been. I have fair skin so heat and sun are hard for me. Humidity, which thankfully midcoast doesn't suffer too much from, kills me, literally shuts me down. If it is over 78 and sunny, I slow way down mentally. The flies leave scars on me no matter what protections I take.

But this year, I decided to start focusing more on small elements of summer. I have no trouble loving the snow, I need to open up to...heat? Anyway, I have been relishing many things this year. It was the most beautiful spring we've had since arriving in 2016, and the garden is already gorgeous. Last night, we saw our first fireflies. I walk the garden twice daily, and love my time with Martyn examining things we've planted and nurtured. Yesterday, I held a yellowtail for seconds.

I can also say that the mosquito traps we've found are working, for small areas, so I also embrace those.

Matilda in the seas of Runaculous

Arlo embraces summer by rolling in the pile of dirt

The goose continues on as caretaker

The goose seems to be continuing her-his care taking role. After first gravitating to Rosie the pig in her final weeks, then Birdie his llama in need, he has now latched on to old Else, who is elderly and crippled and frail. She arrived that way and seems to be growing farther into that state. I do not know if she will be with us in the coming winter, or if it is right to let her go through another winter. But for now, she is able to nap in the sun and lives in contentment. It is just much harder for her to walk, and she seems more tired, taking longer to get up in the morning.

The goose still roams and grazes, but he seems to go back to Else during the day to nap with her, or sun near her side.

It's endearing. I know I have a vivid imagination but I truly feel she-he gravitates to those bodies trying to release. Perhaps it is a smell we humans are closed down to. Perhaps she-he just knows.

The goose has not laid an egg. I have taken to referring to the goose as she-he, or The Goose, or My Grace that is Goose a guy. I suppose by mid summer it will be definitive that she-he is in fact either male or female, and not much will change, since I call her-him simply, Goose.