A capture from this morning

I caught this image this morning, right as some rain clouds blew in...I find it both mysterious and mystical. As one of my readers said, it looks like it was taken in the 1700's when the house was built.

The reality of weather...one more reason we left the West

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

We had a much needed rain this week, two days of it I think and we are grateful We are down about 5" I believe. June has been a really lovely month this year, seventies and not a lot of humidy, the way mid coast has usually been in non climate change days. I grew up with humidity in Minnesota so midcoast was appealing to me. Being on the ocean, storms come and go and often our little cove pocket here makes our temps cooler than someone just a mile away [colder too sometimes].

I feel for the West. It is dangerously hot and I feel for the earth and animals too. Our area in Oregon were seeing wells dry up. We knew it was a matter of time. We had water rights on the river so we could always know our animals could have water. But as time wore on there were more fires and less rain. The heat was always there, for long stretches. Farming in heat is horrible. After we left the fire that struck was really close to where we lived and I knew people and animals affected by it. I felt for them but was also relieved.

People ask me if I miss the West and I really don't. I loved living there though. Part of the reason I don't miss it is I feel strongly, and intuitively knew then and now, that is very spot, this very house in this very town is where we are met to be at this very moment. I loved the big open skies and double rainbows and wide open public, sandy beaches all up and down the Oregon coastline. It was all wonderful. But it evolved and the dream shifted. It was time for change and I felt propelled, viscerally, to leave, as quickly as we could. Originally it was a two+ year plan but it escalated and I just kept getting shoved by some internal and spirit forces to leave, now. It was almost like these guides were predicting something big, something big we did not want to be in, was coming. That's what it felt like.

So we did go quickly and I'm glad - even though I had much grief over many good byes. I'm glad we got here when we did, we never would have found anything now, the market is crazy.

I read an article the other day that the Pacific North West is not ready for ongoing heat and they need to get it together and face reality. Their systems aren't ready. When I moved there in 2002, everyone bragged you never needed air conditioning. I bought one immediately. Just as many people we met here said, "Don't worry, Maine will never run out of water" [wells were starting to go dry in southern Maine our first summer] many people in the Northwest seemed to think nothing would change in their beautiful Garden of Eden. But it did, and it has. And it is not going away.

Our beautiful mother ship...what have we done to you over the centuries here? And do enough people care to help you? I heard a buffoon the other day stating with great certainty that because the dinosaurs died on their own or by Nature, without any men living then, that that shows mankind has little to do with climate change.

Oooof.

My best wishes and prayers for water and rain for the West. And for Maine too, and for the Earth.

"We will be known forever by the tracks we leave."
- Dakota Tribe

I wish they could go home too

 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

Watch this sweet video-This was a  heart breaker. Dagmar is the sweetest woman.

Harry and I went back to see our friends at Cove's Edge yesterday-the first time since lock downs began last spring. It was so wonderful being together again after a winter of Llama Window Walks and Facetime Fridays. We all got here, though.

This video is so special to me. My care manager there said this is always a favorite song of the elders-they want nothing more then to go 'home'. They each handle it in different styles and ways. I happened to be standing with Harry right next to Dagmar when the song began and she knew all the words.

It reminded me too of the book idea I'm working on in my head-a woman is writing a book about the animals on her farm, they talk to her, and she to them. She eventually is finishing the book but is now in a home. Her reality becomes clear each time she stops writing. The animals in the story will come and take her home. Will they? We'll see how it turns out. It is just an idea and one I had back in the old farm, but I was not ready to write it 16 years ago. It is interesting I had the thought and here I am standing next to Dagmar singing, take me home.

Good bye to a sweet old girl

 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

 

We said good bye to Tommy last night. She was almost gone by nighttime chores and I took time to sing to her, with Inky near by. I knew in the last couple days she was transitioning and by the morning yesterday I knew she was close. It was peaceful. She was 20 years old and her time had come. 

After Walter died in May, I made it my mission to get her mats out of her. They had taken over and I could not keep up. I tried many things but each day I found if I took a tooth pick device and slowly opened the mats it worked over time. She was very tolerant. As I worked on her twice a day I remember thinking that I had to give this one last gift to her - to be mat free. I wanted that for her as she took her journey.

Now Inky is alone. I have been holding him a lot more. He is also 20. He has always been quite independent of the other cats and is still in pretty good shape for 20. I have a call into my shelter contact to see what elders might need a home so Inky won't be alone.

At one time we had about 13 elders at once. I am feeling a strong inclination to keep the elder suite to about three cats, and also use it for healing visits, perhaps via Facetime this winter. I think there will be many more lockdowns at my elder residence as fall approaches. I'm looking into adding a separate router and phone line in the room for wifi.

Tommy had trauma in her home before she came here. The older woman had dementia and was put into a home and the husband died in the house by tragic circumstances. I don't know what Tommy saw of any of it. I do know that Tommy liked to take her head and push it into my forehead while I scratched her. So I continued that tradition with her. She was a sweet old girl for sure.

Everyone is spuddling and the pig swoons over a poet

 

{The latest from my monthly Tails & Tales column for the county paper}

I entered the barn  to do chores and Pickles came running to me.

“Mrs. Dunn, we’ve been spuddling!” she declared, and she ran out to the barnyard.

I had no idea what that meant but figured it had to do with one of the new goat arrivals, who Pickles had named Puddles.

Pickles and Puddles came running in the barn, looking rather exhausted.

“Spuddling is hard,” said Puddles.

“I am not sure that is a word,” I said, as I mucked the stalls.

“Spuddle is a useful verb from the 17th century that means to work feebly and ineffectively, because your mind is elsewhere or you haven't quite woken up yet,” said Earnest the pig.

Well, if Earnest knows the word, it must be a word, I thought.

“Thank you, Earnest, it is most certainly a useful word,” I said.

“Do you spuddle?” asked Puddles.

“Often,” I said.

I fed the animals their hay and then sat a spell on a large boulder in the goat paddock. Puddles had been one of five newcomers to the farm that week. We brought home two more elder lady goats, including Puddle’s mother, and another little baby goat that needed a home that had lost her mother. Puddles called his mother Mrs. Puddles, not mama or mom or mother, but Mrs. Puddles out of respect.

“Mrs. Puddles, how are you today,” I asked.

“Just fine, it’s a nice day,” she said.

“Perfect for spuddling,” said Ollie the goat as he walked by.

“We can’t all spuddle at once or nothing will get done,” I said.

“I guess since my name is Puddles ,I’m a spuddled Puddles!” Puddles said.

Mrs. Puddles rolled her eyes.

“I think they will grow tired of this,” Earnest the pig whispered to me.

Just then one of the older goats, named Poetry, wandered over and took a seat next to me.

“I’m old. I don’t intend to spuddle, but it seems I spuddle more and more. It bothers me. But then, I forget I’m spuddling and it really doesn’t matter,” she said.

She was named Poetry because she came from a family of poets. She often could be heard reciting poems while all the others were falling off to sleep. Earnest the pig was charmed by Poetry.

“An older lady who recites Whitman at sunset is a fine lady indeed,” said Earnest with a sparkle in his eye.

I got up to get back to work.

“My spuddle time is over,” I said. “Spuddle on!”

That night, since it was so hot out, I was sitting in the garden in the dark, catching a light breeze from the cove. The fireflies were out. There was hardly a sound. But then I heard it, the sweet voice of an old goat, reciting the words of Whitman, and the gentle snoring of Earnest the pig.

Harry goes to town...what an impromptu stroll with a llama is like

Our final destination would be the closing reception of Polly's art show, but Harry and I [and my very wonderful volunteer, Joan] had some time so we decided to take a stroll down through our little village of Damariscotta. I have done this before with Harry and the looks and expressions from people is priceless. It brings sheer joy to so many. Plus I wanted to say hello to the new shopkeepers of The Kingfisher and The Queen, a new beautiful shop on Main St. The owners actually lived in our house and sold it to us. We had a great visit and I will be going back, maybe to get some of my art and books in their store. 

Anyway, many things happen when you walk a llama in the village. 90% of the cars going by slow down, roll down windows and take snapshots, and smile. The 10% that are expressionless  must be having very bad days to not smile at a llama [and there are many reasons why people can be having bad days, so Harry and I understand]. We were walking by the bookstore where people hang out and drink coffee, many with dogs, and the dogs just don't know what to do about Harry. I apologize tot he gentleman that had to leave because his very large shepherd became out of control. Harry is not concerned about dogs however. When we got to one corner, a little girl of about 10 was rounding the corner and her mouth just dropped open and she couldn't move. It was so funny. The diners at King Eider's were pleased, and of course I had to walk by Colby & Gale and say hi to our gas guy. We stopped at The Kingfisher and talked for some time to the shopkeepers and then headed to the reception.

As we walked up the busy main street, a guy was driving by with rap on and yelled out to the rap song, "Llama llama". At one of the busiest stop light intersections, where the oncoming traffic had the green light, cars stopped to let us cross. A man yelled out a window in a Maine accent, "Now I've seen everything."

I always say that when I do a village walk I should send a quick notice to the paper so people know we are coming. But I always realize part of the fun of these walks is they are a total surprise to everyone, including me.

The reception was in a shady, breesy spot overlooking the water. Harry did just fine. I did learn though that due to the tight quarters he had the new experience of having people all around his body which he had to adjust to. He did just fine but it was a new experience for him. My volunteer noticed he seemed to take notice of black cars too... interesting!

The art reception raised more than $3,000 for Apifera. Polly is in the throes of living with stage 4 lung cancer. She is having a series of art sales and is giving all of it to Apifera. She volunteered for us and really believes in our animal healing work with elder people. I got to meet her relatives and friends and people said such nice things about us. 

I was also a bit verklempt when I saw David's daughter's there, because I had David's Bells on Harry [ I always do-as I wrote in an earlier post it was one of the most meaningful gifts ever given to me] and they were touched to see the bells. We all said how happy that would have made him.

I don't know how it will play out for Polly. None of us do. She is being practical though, with optimism. I hope to get her to the farm in the coming weeks with help of her friends. She said she would like that a lot. We all have to face death. We have very little choice in how we die. We can make choices while facing impending death, get the house ready so to speak. I know if I was facing death I would have lots of things I would want figured out-like animal care and all that. I suppose though, I feel this, that at some point...we give in, we breathe, we relax to what is coming.

 

 

Good news!

Two bits of good news! 

Firstly, the lock down at  Chase Point is over [hopefully it will stay that way - please get vaccinated if you choose to work at an elder home] and so tomorrow Harry and I will be attending the closing reception of Polly Steadman's paintings at Savory Maine. Polly just found at that her stage 4 cancer has not worsened and she will now begin a new drug sometime soon. Polly is donating any sales to Apifera. It is heart warming for us to be loved like that. She is also having a series of art sales and supply sales to benefit us.  People have been asking about seeing and buying Polly's paintings and I'm afraid they are not online. This was out of my jurisdiction and the woman running the restaurant and art show is also helping Polly with her medical and health issues so she is really doing triple duty. If Polly has future sales I will suggest they do a free blog or something. I will post photos after the reception tomorrow.

The other good news I got yesterday was that Harry and I can visit Cove's Edge again and sit in the garden with real living elder friends! I have not been able to do that since March of last year. I am so excited and hope to get there very soon.

My one wish if I were to be granted one

We work hard here, but we enjoy it. I get so uncomfortable when people suggest we need to relax more. Um...I do relax, it's called tv time and bedtime.  We really love to be physically active and have projects. If we didn't like it, we'd stop. I find that people often, with good intentions, project on to other people. When I moved to the old farm out west, I was 43, and a woman who had lived on a small farm for 25 years and was starting to transition out of it, suggested that I should hold back on acquiring lots of animals. I said I was just getting started on something I'd always wanted-a farm, to raise sheep and have a horse. I realized though that she had been-there-and-done-that and was just projecting that on to me.

So when people make similar comments of 'you and Martyn deserve to relax more", I just know it is because they either want to relax more in their lives, or they do relax more in their lives and they have their life confused with mine.

I have a wonderful routine here. I get up and take the dogs with me, and they romp around while I do front barn feedings and chores. Then I put them back in, because I won't leave them alone with fowl, and then I go out to horse barn and feed and do chores. I come back at some point and let the dogs out and I sit and have coffee and watch the animals roam around, I smell the sea, I look at the garden...then I either do studio or office time until lunch, and then it kind of starts all over again. I have gotten way better at not over scheduling myself because I like lots of in between time for just percolating. So you see, I really do sit a lot, and think, and feel.

Since I'm 63 now, I know many people who are well into their 70's or older. Many are downsizing, as they say. I think about what will happen to us. I hope we can live our lives independently, here. It's the kind of farm we could maintain on our own with a few adjustments. I can't imagine -at this writing-leaving. But that too is my current state of mind projecting onto my future state of mind. Big changes in life require a process [unless a change is thrust on us through no fault of our own, say, losing a spouse]. I know I never thought I'd leave the old farm when we did, after 15 years, after putting so much love and sweat into it...but we did, but that decision was made in a series of epiphanies, probably over about two years. But once made, it went fast and here we are in Maine. It was such a good decision on so many levels.

This is our third garden we have created together. I never thought I'd have a garden I loved more than the last two, but here it is. The sea is right across the road [we do not have water property, which has its blessings, but we get to see the cove]. I think of my parents a lot when I'm in this garden, so many flowers here they would love, especially the peonies which we had in Minnesota. We have their old teak garden benches they always had in all their many gardens and they gave them to us when they moved for the last time. I cherish them. How many times did I sit with them on those benches in their rose garden, sipping coffee, sharing gossip or crying over some old boyfriend?

I guess that is one wish I would grant us, if I were able to grant wishes–that Martyn and I live together, in a home, until we die. I put that out to the universe all the time. I pray for it.

 {Garden photos and daily life here at Apifera are posted daily on Instagram}

A name is chosen...see what I go through?

If you follow along you know I take naming an animal very seriously, treating it like any other creative project. I guess it is my imagination, but I always feel a huge responsibility for naming or renaming an animal. It can take me weeks sometimes, to get to see the spirit or intent of the creature. Sometimes it comes easily but often it doesn't. The other thing is I often think, if  I give a name that is not matched with the true destiny of the animal am I shifting its path in life. I mean, if Officer Mittens had been named, say, Macbeth, would he still find a way to join the police academy? I was about to be named Mary, but my paternal grandmother died on the day I was born and I was named Katherine. I can not imagine being named Mary [no offense to all the Mary's but I just am not a Mary].

I posted a list of finalist on social media a few days ago. I was immediately alerted to the fact that one of the names had other insinuations-I think you can see which one. I just didn't see it! But when I did, I decided to leave it on the list since I thought it was a funny misstep. The choices were: Franklin Muffinpants; Spencer Catfish, Esq; St. Francis Buttons; The Honorable Puff; Chief Mittens; and Master Bates.

I assume you can see the one that was deleted, everyone else did but me. 

We were feeling the Spencer Catfish Esq. was the choice. But I realized that night he just did not feel like a Spencer or a Catfish. I have always loved the name and it has been on my animal naming lists over the years. But the kitten has this innocence about him, not really that mischievious, not bossy [of course this could change]. I loved the idea of having a Chief but again, maybe he doesn't want to be an officer. Maybe he wants to be a writer, like Earnest the Pig, or a poet like Paco. 

I suppose too, he might just want to be a cat.

See what I go through?

It became clear to me he had to be Franklin. Not Frank, or Frankie [we've had both and I love thaat name] but he is a Franklin. Franklin Muffinpants. 

But I'm going to keep that list for future needs.

New arrivals...lots of them...and i just don't know

It's getting to the point where Instagram has become my go-to announcement site. I started this blog as a journal of the first farm, and a way to share my stories and art and photography-before social media [remember those glorious days?] I still like it for a way to share longer ponderings and thoughtful pieces that might get lost in the manic highway of the internet.

But I do feel a bit frustrated as I find most of my followers now follow on Instagram and Facebook. I'm feeling like maybe I need to revamp or retred or regroup the site. I do like that I have a history here on the blog that I can easily look back on. I always felt too it was a safer place for people to converse and leave comments-but we all know most people post comments mainly on social media. I've experimented a lot and people just hate leaving their social platforms. I know one wise guy who claims he doesn't need FB any more, that people will flock to his blog no matter what, and when he made a grand announcement that his blog now could have comments [this is news?], there were none and he still needs FB whether he likes it or not [some of you know who I speak of...meow.]

So I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I feel so attached to the blog, but all things shift and change and evolve.

So anyway, that long introduction is over, I have to tell you that we brought home two elder lady goats on Friday, and two babies. I had picked out a playmate for Pickles, and she had already named that baby goat Puddles, but there was a runt on a bottle and I decided she should come home with us. And, I brought home a retired buck, now whethered who happens to be the brother of...Opie. I was not sure about that but said I'd meet him and see. I thought I might compare him too much to Opie which would be unfiar to him, and upsetting to me [I truly miss Opie almost every day especially with the therapy work]. But when I met him, I loved him, he was of course a bottle baby too, like Opie, as they lost their mother at birth. He has a post-buck strut but is very sweet and sometimes I see a bit of Opie in him.

 And then when I was picking up the goats, there appeared this beautiful mellow Maine Coon...totally chill and huge, reminded me of Mister Mosely but bigger. I swooned not once but many times. They mentioned they just happened to have kittens needing homes.  

Oh I'll just look, in case, I said.

I think you know what happened. {Kitty madness is being posted in videos on Instagram}

 

 

Old Matilda

 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

Mother Dove leaves...but they always come back

I've been wanting to write to you about Mother Dove who has been sitting on a nest in the gutter for weeks now. This is taken from the ground floor looking up. The gutter is right outside my second floor office and every day and multiple times a day I look out to see her patiently sitting, waiting. At early evening she would sometimes leave but then another dove comes. I hear the mate daily. 

Well, this morning she was gone. And she has not returned. I hear her cooing though. 

I wondered if she said goodbye last night-that is the human in me asking, the story teller…but if you have followed me a long time you know a dove came to me hours after my mother died [2013] and I was so raw that day-I was painting the living room out west and she came to the window area and just stayed for such a long time…like 30 minutes or so. 

So doves have a special meaning to me. And they always leave just like my mother left in death, but they always return.

Postscript: 3:30 pm She has returned. She was gone all morning and past noon. It rained a lot today so maybe that is why she is back. I have never been able to detect if there was a hatchling so maybe it is still just an egg. Such a loyal creature to sit in a rainy gutter waiting it out [her nest is high enough it appears to be safe-let's face it, she knows what she is doing and does not need human pontificaters interjecting about her nest building]

The Sergeant is feeling good!

 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm)

A new book ready for pre-orders!

Visit the shop to pre buy this lttle gem of a book today.

Pre sales are important to an indie author like me-to offset the upfront printing charges for the book. There are different levels to buy at in case you want to give a bit of extra love, or you can just buy a book. PLEASE NOTE: while production will begin now, the book will not be shipped to me until September. But by buying a pre sale book, you help.

"Walter" is the illustrated story of one of the elder cats who was adopted into Apifera. He arrived at 17 with his buddy, also 17+. They were born wild and a woman fed them for all those years but never domesticated them, and then she had to go to a elder facility and the cats were taken to the shelter. The staff contacted Apifera to see if we could try to help them. They were non adoptable and euthanasia was the next step.

When the cats came to the elder cat suite, they did not bother the other old cats, but they were wide eyed and untouchable. Upon entering the room, I was hissed at and they would retreat to hide together. This went on and on. I called them The Grumpy Old Men. But one day, there was a teeny change, and this change was followed by many other baby steps. This is the story of that evolution.

I eventually named them Walter and Lemon, in honor of the actors who played the Grumpiest Old Men.

This is a story about courage. This is a love story of sorts between a an old cat and a woman. It is about letting a creature be itself on its own timeline. It's about love and honor.

A beautifully printed full color hardcover book, with illustrated end sheets [the sheets inside the cover]. Signed by artist. 56 pages, 6" x 9". Illustrated with both art and photography.

 

---

Earnest and his free haircut day

 

“Mrs. Dunn! Mrs. Dunn!” the little voice said as I left the house for the barn. It was, of course, Pickles, the little goat full of Pickle power. 

 “Mrs. Dunn! Someone took all of Harry’s hair off! It must have been a very big rat.” 

I immediately knew she was referring to the newly sheared llamas. 

“Pickles, every year we shave the llamas, that’s all it is, no need to worry,” I said calmly as we walked to the barn. “Harry needs to be comfortable in the summer so we take his hair off.” 

Harry was in ear shot and walked over to us. Pickles looked him up and down. She touched his newly shorn body. 

“It’s so soft, like a baby bottom,” she said. When she had touched a baby bottom, I don’t know, but I had to much on my agenda to ask. 

I went about my chores in the outer barn and left Pickles to her day. I was just about to leave the house later that afternoon when Earnest the pig knocked on the door. 

“Mrs. Dunn, may I borrow an extension chord?” he politely asked. 

 Extension cord plus pig plus electricity, I thought. Hmmm. We walked to the barn together. 

“May I ask why you need a power cord, Earnest?” 

 “I’m giving free haircuts today,” he said, matter of factly. 

As we entered the barn there was a standing line of little goats and chickens near a sign– Earnest’s Haircuts free today! And there was my electric dog clipper. 

 “How did you get my clipper, Earnest? I keep it way up high in the feed room,” I asked. 

“I have a step ladder,” he said. Who knew? I thought. 

I was about to put an end to what would surely be a disastrous day of haircuts, but I stopped myself, and I thought of go-to mentor, Andy of Mayberry. What would Andy say? I thought a bit and said, 

 “Earnest, have you ever given a haircut?” 

“No,” said Earnest. 

The hens were getting restless as they stood in line. 

“A lady needs a new hair do every couple years,” said Victoria, one of the elder chickens. 

“I want a racing stripe down my back!” said Pickles. 

 “Can you do stripes?” asked Ollie the goat. 

As the first hen stood on a box Earnest had dragged in, I quietly stepped into the feed room and pulled the cord from the wall. Earnest turned on the shearer but it was silent. 

 “Oh dear, it must need some maintenance, Earnest.” I took it from him swiftly. “I need to add oil to it and we’ll get Mr. Dunn to examine it too.” 

Earnest looked a bit disappointed, as did the others in line. But Pickles appeared from the back of the line, and rushed up to Earnest. 

 “It’s okay! I found the scissors!” Pickles said. 

{PS: I confiscated the scissors and nobody lost a hair, or feather. But Earnest did ask me how one might attend beauty parlor school.}

Don't be afraid to make a big change

Five years ago we landed in Maine. This is still one of my favorite pictures of Martyn. I took it the morning after we arrived. We had arrived the night before at 10pm in the dark so the next morning was like Dorothy stepping out of the house to Oz. The grass was tall and lush. There was one little barn and none of the gardens or fencing you see now in my photos. There was something really vintage about the fact the house looked out on a sea of grass. But we of course had needs with the animals, so Apifera began to take shape with lots of fencing and outbuildings and barns.

I think back to that trip-six days and five nights-driving from Oregon to Maine, to a house we'd only seen online, to a town we did not know or a state we had never ventured too [I was there once in college somewhere]. It was courageous, people said. I guess it was. But it was not the first courageous thing I'd done and I knew that even with moments of fear, even when leaving a wonderful home or life, the next stage opens up even more remarkable encounters, sometimes in ways one can never imagine. 

I remember one person, I hardly knew her, only online through my blog, questioned me when we announced we were moving. "You said you'd never leave your farm, Katherine,"she wrote, and I felt a bit of resentment in her tone [part of the problem of online conversing, there is a lot of room for misinterpreting one's intended thought]. She had always wanted what I had, and here I was leaving it after 15 years of blood, sweat and tears. "I'm leaving here, I'm not leaving Apifera, dreams evolve," I told her.

I was leaving the land though and the friends scattered under the dirt in the land, and Old Barn, the one who had spoken to me when we first looked at the property in 2004. It was all a collaboration then, between me and Martyn and the animals, the land. It was so important, that time in my life. To be a shepherdess and learn good animal husbandry was so helpful to all I do now even though we no longer raise sheep. The zero supply of farm vets here in midcoast-real farm vets, like the ones I had out west who also farmed- I am grateful I had a lot of basic skills before getting to Maine. I was warned there were not vets in my area for livestock, and it is true. Lots of equine vets, many who say they know pigs or ruminant or camelids, but they really don't. I think that is the one thing I miss about the west, my farm vets.

But back to change. I felt compelled to move. I remember when I first knew we would move, and it was something I had not even asked Martyn about, I just knew in my head and heart we were going to, and it would not be down the street. I knew it would be far away but I did not know why or how or where. It took me a couple months to even ask Martyn about it. At that time, the thought of leaving my farm made me sick. but one day, I asked Martyn,

"Would you ever move to Vermont with me? I asked.

"Sure!" he said.

And that was the beginning. At the same time a good friend was moving back to her original homeland of Maine, and said we should check it out, that the prices were much lower than Oregon. And they were, which allowed us to buy our house. 

From the minute Martyn said that one word, Sure! I was on a mission, and it went fast. I had many moments of fear, and heartache-I knew the flock could not come with us, and I had to leave much behind, including my riding buddy and 83 year old friend and mentor. She died a year later.

But every time I got scared, I would get his very strong, positive message, "You have to go, and you have to go now, as soon as possible." I think within 6 months from Martyn's, "Sure", we were on the road.

The first night on the road, sleeping in a tack room at a farm, I think in Idaho, was cold and scary and unsettling. All the animals stayed in the trailer except the three dogs. The next night was more comfortable and a sweet little barn and by the time we got to the next two nights the anticipation of arrival was rabid. Entering the part of the country that felt like New England was just so wonderful we were both meant to be here. We were meant to be back there, and alsom meant to move here.

I had a list of homes as prospects, but many were in slight different areas. They had to have a barn even if it was too small. And the house had to look like Maine-those were my requirements. When our old farm sold, some of the places I had found were already gone and that was a scary moment. But I looked at the realtor sites constantly and had email notifications set up, and one morning, bingo, I saw this house. It had literally gone on the market that morning. I could feel sensations looking at the photos, I knew it was our house, it had to be. The house we found-I had seen it the morning it went online, and called the realtor and put an offer in on the phone-could not have been more perfect for what Apifera was about to become. There were rough spots-the busy road was something that depressed me immensely in the first year, but my mentor pointed out "You need to ask what the road can bring you." She was right. And we have since done lots of privacy upgrades.

It was a lot of creative thinking to get here-how to pack the animals in the trailer, all 33 of them, including 4 surprise piglets born to Eleanor four days before we left. The equines left a month before us, and stayed at a stable until we got here. That was hard, but they got here safely.

I was telling a friend I've known for ever that my life here is like all the things I did in the past 30 years in both my career, and my life, it all came together and was wrapped in a bow when I arrived. The work I wanted to do with elder people out west never happened-we were way too far out in the rural area and there just was a different mindset to what I was trying to do. And where we landed in this part of midcoast is so perfectly entwined with our mission, it is kind of a miracle.

I think I am doing my most creative work, in both art and writing. And while I don't crank out paintings as much as I used to, I feel the work is stronger than most of what I did in the past. I have reached a point in my art career where I can say 'no' and I do say 'no' and mainly paint and create what I want. I have no patience for impatient deadlines, I've been there, done that and I did it well which is why I am able to do what I do now. I paid my dues over and over.

The non profit takes a lot of creativity too, but I like that. I love it all. I love my elders-both human and creature.

So, if you feel a rumble inside of you, a voice saying change is coming, listen to it, don't fear it, just remember change expands things...it can be unsettling and exhausting, and yes, scary, but change will settle and you think, "I never knew I would be doing this, here, and I never knew it would be so good or better than I already had it, but it is."

We swoon every day over her

I am so enjoying spring this year, and all the crab apples are blooming together. It is spectacular. So every day I can't help but take as many photos as I can. The bees are buzzing! 

I am watching out for two mother birds who are roosting-one is the mother dove outside my office window, the other is a robin in the rafters above the pony area. The five chicks are feathering out but sill under heat for now. The garden is popping! The vegetable bed is planted. The sheep are being sheered and the llamas were sheered last week. Spring is so full of work, but hope, and beauty and reemergence.

Everyday of spring I am aware that winter is coming, every day of being 63 I know that 80 is right around the corner. It all goes in a flash. It goes fast every year, just like our wise mothers told us. And that is why I will be outside most of this week, just looking, smelling, gardening, brushing horses...because there will most likely be a day when I can't. We work hard and we rest easy.

Harry and I finally go to town and see special friends again...we must find a better way for our elders

This week Harry and I went to see our friend, Polly, who has been a longtime volunteer with us, and is  a lover of animals and all that Apifera does. She has supported us in many ways and we love her. So when we heard she was facing the challenge of lung cancer, we were all pretty sad.

So Harry and I were so happy to finally see her again. And this time, we got to hug!! A momentous occasion. I have not hugged another person except Martyn for a year. I'm sure many of you are in the same boat. Polly chose to leave her house temporarily to reside at a local care facility in a single suite so she can rest and focus on her body and what she is facing now. I thought her attitude was strong, realistic and in true Polly fashion she was looking at the positives of being at her rest home since it was helping her and she didn't have to think about shopping and such.

Cancer. Something is going to get us all in the end. But cancer...and the fight of the chemicals that usually goes with it is daunting. I told Polly we all loved her here and we would visit whenever she wants us too. Polly is also selling her art and sharing all proceeds with Apifera. Harry and I will go to the closing reception on May 26 at Savory Maine in Damariscotta. It's Harry's first gallery show and I'm pleased he will be getting his summer haircut on Saturday so he will look spiffy.

We walked over to Cove's Edge after visiting Polly-they are right across the road. My care manager was expecting me. We were limited on what we could do but we walked outside windows like the old days, and this time, we even could open the windows. Baby steps out of a pandemic. We are looking into puppy meetings soon. One of our lady friends was being picked up that day to go to her grandson's softball game. She had not seen any of them for over a year. She was so excited. I was so happy for her. Baby steps.

What I noticed was how quiet it was. Usually on a nice day the elders can sit in the garden, there are caretakers and spouses coming and going. But when I did look into windows at people-many I've seen for the last couple years-I felt the energy was low. I felt the worn out bodies of worn out souls that got worn out even more emotionally from the lock down.

Something has to be learned from this and perhaps used to reshape how we deal with such pandemics in elder homes. Shutting people away from family...in order to keep the spread of a disease-for a year and a half-is not an answer. I don't have the clear answer. And I certainly know the steps were taken for good reasons. But it should not be applauded as a role model for elder care in the country. I feel we need to have specific people in the various health departments and CDC that specifically deal with elders-maybe we do....but it can't be one size fits all either. Not all homes are the same and they aren't funded or staffed the same. It's complicated, I get it.

Imagine you have a year to live. In fact when you are 80 or older you don't go by years you go by days. And imagine each day, no family, no touch of loved ones, perhaps your spouse is kept from you....imagine  it. Is that living? We help people that are suffering at the end of life. We must find ways to help people in their final days also live a healthy emotional life. It is part of a life-the heart, head and mind. These care managers are stretched to the limit. Staffing is a real issue. At some places, the staff changes 100% every year. Many of the staff are holding down multiple jobs. I care deeply about Cove's Edge because most of the people that wind up their are born and bred Mainers and they are on Medicare and they do not have assets. Some have zero assets. Many end up with about $40 in their pockets after the care is paid for. That $40 is used for haircuts or a sweater or a gift for a child-but we all know $40 does not go far. So Cove's Edge is the top of my list for our animal healing work. 

Maine skies

I like Maine. I feel very at home here, with the terrain and feeling of the area. Of course, Maine is big and varied, I might not feel that way farther north I don't know. Maine to me is a mix of my homeland of Minnesota and my memories of New England when I was in college.

But the sky here is very intense. It changes dramatically on an hour by hour basis. We are on the coast so the storms that blow through gives us drama in such a beautiful way-tones of Payne's Gray all over.

I caught this photo the other day and I especially like it.

Swooning over other people's mothers

This is my friend's mother who turned 90 and she secretly asked people to send cards for the affair, and hoped to get 90. She ended up with 140 or more. Her mom was so thrilled. I sent a Harry shirt and she posted this. I guess the package really made her happy since she has been hearing about our animals from her daughter for years.

It's kind of like seeing babies in the grocery store. Sometimes you want to sqoosh them. I'm like that with elder mothers. I want them to come be my mom for an hour or so. I'd hug them, smell
their motherly scent and maybe we could drink coffee and talk about old friends. Or bake something.

So I hope you all have a mother from a distance to swoon over if you are missing your mom like I do.