Sunday, March 27, 2016
I don't see me and I am fine
The lite in the morning is always so beautiful on the animals. The deep rich colors– almost black–of the coats this year is dramatic in morning light which is warmer than mid day light.
Everything is happening...fast, but slowly. I am breathing, and trying to go for walks. The rain should stop for a few days so I can get out more. In Minnesota I used to walk four miles almost every day, with my sidekick Louie Louie, the wire haired terrier. We'd hop in the car and drive ten minutes to one of the many city lakes. We'd walk in freezing temps too. There is something about walking in rain that has failed me, or I have failed it. I've put on good old fashioned middle aged lady weight, despite all my riding and barnyard work. It's the way it goes. Hormones and lack of them are a reality. My goals are to remain strong, and trim some blubber off my middle. That size 8-10 sprite I was at marriage is gone. I have become more used to it though-the saggy neck, the wiggle in my thighs. Hey, my butt is still small and somewhat firm, it's my best family genetic asset from my father. The body is my vehicle here, not my soul.
What does it have to do with morning light and the lambs? When I am outside busy, or just being in nature, I don't see me, I am not looking at me. I feel just fine as me. When I'm painting, I don't see me, I am just fine as me. In the past year or so I have become more acquainted with the chubbier, older me in the mirror. She is doing fine, as best she can. I don't judge the sagging backs of my elder animals or the jowels of my women or men peers. I remember their smiles when they leave my home, or their expressions and thoughts. It's the essence, not the physical matter that resonates.
Responding and interacting with the world does not require analyzing one's appearance, or pant size.
And in Maine, I will be walking again, daily. You can bet on that.
Easter is a beautiful celebration. I am not religious, but Easter to me is the best things a religion could present to the world–rebirth, renewal, change, and evolution to our higher selves.