The goose continues on as caretaker

The goose seems to be continuing her-his care taking role. After first gravitating to Rosie the pig in her final weeks, then Birdie his llama in need, he has now latched on to old Else, who is elderly and crippled and frail. She arrived that way and seems to be growing farther into that state. I do not know if she will be with us in the coming winter, or if it is right to let her go through another winter. But for now, she is able to nap in the sun and lives in contentment. It is just much harder for her to walk, and she seems more tired, taking longer to get up in the morning.

The goose still roams and grazes, but he seems to go back to Else during the day to nap with her, or sun near her side.

It's endearing. I know I have a vivid imagination but I truly feel she-he gravitates to those bodies trying to release. Perhaps it is a smell we humans are closed down to. Perhaps she-he just knows.

The goose has not laid an egg. I have taken to referring to the goose as she-he, or The Goose, or My Grace that is Goose a guy. I suppose by mid summer it will be definitive that she-he is in fact either male or female, and not much will change, since I call her-him simply, Goose.

Well, I think My Grace the goose is Goose the Guy

We have been waiting to see if the goose would lay an egg. We are beginning to realize that My Grace is most likely a My Lord, or a guy. I think she-he would have laid by now. When the goose arrived, the former owner thought it was a girl, but said she was no expert in vent checking geese...who is? I did attempt to research it and spent a short bit of time examining the vent but didn't see anything or feel anything that supposedly made she a he.

But, I am no goose vent expert...again who is?

I also began to think she was a he when she-he gravitated to females–Birdie, Marcella, Rosie. She-he seemed uninterested in the new male llama, and even got a cow kick out of him.

I don't care what sex she-he is, I love the goose. We have worked out the current arrangement in a way that suits many. Goose spends nighttime in the barn, safe, and sleeps with Henneth the blind chicken, Sir Tripod Goat and Else. Sometimes Opie is in the mix, but of late, she-he has gone after Opie at breakfast. During the day, the goose goes outside, but stays on the opposite side of the fence where Marcella is. This allows she-he to be safe from hawks and eagles-I hope-but also hang out with the three goats, and also have Marcella access through the fence. Marcella and she-he were getting along, but Marcella can be really aggressive around food which his a Maremma trait, and even though I separated her at feeding, if there was one kernel of food left she would snap at the goose. I just didn't want any trouble. Sometimes I put she-he in there so she can play in the puddles. She-he also doesn't get along with the male ducks.

In fact she-he is an independent mover and shaker. I suppose I will have to get him a wading pool for the warmer months. She-he seems very content, and when the goats come in at night, there she-he is, I don't have any trouble out of him.

I admit I still look for the golden egg...Earnest would love them.

Still breathing in fog...and Grace carries on

{My friends sent this beautiful poem to me after Birdie died. I have read it over and over, and it could not express better what I feel right now}

"Pavement Ends"

At last the pavement ends.

Now if I lose your scent

I can follow your footprints.

You're still breathing in the fog,

your lungs ghostly and delicate

like white lilacs.

I don't care how many or what kind

have walked here, or run.

I only care about you,

your tracks fresh and firm,

as though you're nearly within reach.

Don't let me slow you down.

I will find you.

~Connie Wanek~

We continue to miss Birdie, but the warm weather helps remind us that the earth is percolating with new births. My Grace and I are exploring the place and creatures she feels most attracted to living with now that her white goddess is gone. I have been placing her in different paddocks to watch her. She is a bit lost, and it dawned on me that perhaps her new charge has not yet arrived at Apifera...more mysteries then for her and me to come, I guess.We still are wondering if My Grace is in fact, My Lord, since she-he has not laid an egg yet. It might explain a few things.

Goose and I tend to the body

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Mar 22, 2019 at 1:40pm PDT

Over 200 comments on the last two Birdie posts on IG, have me in tears, but I am also reminded how love is a ripple wave, inspiration is too, as is soul work of any kind. People telling me they have been following for years whose name I never knew reach out after falling in love with the spirit of a llama, and her goose. So thank you for all these comments and emails and such...I am still in shock, as is Martyn...it's just a real...blow.

But she is okay now.

People are asking about My Grace. I am a firm believer in not suger coating death for readers or the barnyard, and my experience is the animals know this stuff way before we do. After all, it was the goose who was right by her when she died. That is comforting to know. I think the goose is a healer, and I think like other animals, like Stevie the goat, she will continue to find out what animals need her. Let's not forget her first charge when she arrived was Rosie the grumpy pig for her final weeks.

Goose is still with Birdie who lies in state in the barn. We will have to hand dig a grave which will be rather difficult but the mud and permafrost will make things impossible with the tractor. Getting her buried is very important to me, and I will not be at rest until that happens. I choose to leave Goose with her, with her classical music playing, and her giant bucket to swim in. She will be allowed to help us take the body out to the 150 feet to the grave, if she chooses to come.

Goose knows where Birdie is. When I entered the barn last night, she was on Birdie, a common occurrence, but she was much more demonstrative as you see in this video. Many will have opinions of what Grace is saying, but for me, she was telling me she will stand as protector of the body until Birdie is of earth. I feel the same way.

I sat with her body after barn chores, and removed all her bandages and wraps. I wanted her to be free of them. It is all very hard, and sad to have to carry on without her. We were just getting started her and I.

It was really windy this morning, sea wont through The Wood. I closed my eyes and held my hand up to the sky and said her name. Within an hour the wind died down.

Sometimes woman and llama, and goose, just need to "be"

It’s been two harder days of therapy for Birdie. I took this photo after our session this morning and was pleased at her expression. She has been a bit off in the past couple days, just not as happy. Certain areas that used to be warm to the touch, or give her a definite 'zing' have subsided [for now] so that is positive. But her front leg is giving her trouble and I think she might have strained it, although there is no heat to it.

I know she understands my intention. I seek out hers everyday. I hope my eyes are clear.

I have worked on hard cases before with animals, but never one like this. Usually in the past, I was trying to revive an elder goat back to some normalcy after a life of neglect. Aunt Bea comes to mind, I fought hard on that one, and so did she-what a trooper she was. Three weeks of vet help and nursing her, making a sling out of seed bags, carting her out to the sun in a wheelbarrow of straw...and we couldn't save her.

I don't know what is going to happen. I have had days where I felt dejected, but as my physical therapist friend said, look for the recovery to be a net gain of days-it's like the stock market, things can go down but over time you want an upward trend. So far I have felt there is a net gain in recovery.

But one has to remain clear eyed, and it is a slippery slope when one is bonded with an animal, and one works with an animal in a certain way that is slightly more intimate than with other animals. I can count White Dog, Marcella, and Birdie in this mix, Pino too, as well as my old departed friends of Stevie and Guinnias. All the Misfits are special, but these are the healers. Boone is on some levels too, in fact I think our time has not yet come.

So things felt positive, and then two days ago she had swelling again which we got down with anti inflammatory meds. Oddly, it was the opposite leg this time. We can only assume things when this happens. There were positive things but her front leg [her front has been very strong the entire time] is troubling her. We wonder if is strained although it is not hot- sometimes she scoots around in a circle [lying down]and uses her front end mostly. I have been working on the leg and got some release from her this morning [ie she was freezing her leg stiff, and I got her to relax it], but I’m not sure why it is happening. I also wonder about neuropathy. I worked points on her feet and hocks which are associated some with spinal issues. Because the dead worm is not passed out of the body [they call this being a 'dead end host' unlike stomach worms that are passed out in the feces]it is absorbed by the body but bits of it can float around and cause issues. We can only surmise. Her neck had also really curved all of a sudden but I really worked on it for past few days -which she liked- and this morning it was straight. I think she is compensating for the front leg. My Grace has not been massaging her or pointing out spots and I am taking that as a positive thing-but there are no answers on this journey. I've begun rubbing her feet pads with a topical I like, and her elbows-so far we have prevented any kind of bed sores. I think the last two days she had discomfort in her front leg. But not her spine and other areas that used to be sensitive to the touch.

Many of you are following along and we appreciate that. I know that part of my life here is sharing these stories. Sometimes though, I have to keep parts of my time with the animals all to myself. I am getting lots of emails and messages-99% with good intentions and kindness, and that is very kind-but sometimes I feel I want to retreat with Birdie, and just be private. If a day or two–or more-goes by without an update, don't read good or bad into that, don't assume I am depressed or overwhelmed-I just might want to be. And just wanting to be does not require social media.

When I arrived at the barn this morning, Birdie was sitting straight which was good. And when I left, she gave me her classic look, and I took this photo. It made me feel good to see that, after a couple days where she seemed a bit down, or just a bit uncomfortable with her leg.

A beautiful moment of quiet this morning

The Morning Chew...with Goose & Llama

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Dec 28, 2018 at 5:26am PST

Odd animal friendships-it's all the rage, but we knew that long ago

In case you haven't noticed on social media, it's all the rage to post sweet videos of odd animal friendships-emus and donkeys, chickens and cows, dogs and ducks, on and on. I enjoy many of those videos too. Although I do sense many are propped.

Many people are out of touch with Nature and I feel like some of these videos present Disney-ized versions of real creatures. There are people out there that truly believe all pigs are teeny [um, those are called new born piglets] and should dress in clothes and live in houses, or that a horse lying on the cold earth in winter is abused and they call a sheriff [please don't do this, horses love to lie on the ground even in winter].

So, I hesitated somewhat to share my Goose & Llama evolving friendship, but after weeks together, the goose, who we named My Grace, does seem bonded with her llama. And I like that, she has a defender. I find them sleeping together, they eat together, and for the last couple days I've allowed Birdie to go outside and get some sun. I wanted to make sure she was stable enough, the last thing we want is for her to fall or pull something due to her nerve damage as it could set her back.

I now have Birdie on anti-inflammatory pills and we have gone to pills every other day after getting good results for one week of daily pills. The idea is to taper her off as much as possible without losing ground. Nerve damage is a long road of recovery, if at all, so I feel we will go a year before we see what recovery we will have.

But I'm pleased with her progress, and she seems like herself too. She tried to do a little llama 'skip' something they do as they run, head and neck down-it is like a frolic and I so miss seeing her do it, it is pure joy. But she couldn't quite make it work, and I encouraged to stop and stand.Still it was a sign of progress.

So Goose & Llama will not be appearing in any viral videos, I am sure of that, but their friendship does seem real. And lets not forget My Grace was there for our old friend, the World's Grumpiest Pig aka Rosie. I've seen these inter species friendships many times, and sometimes they stick, and sometimes they evolve.

I have a crazy theory that My Grace admires Birdie's long neck, and Birdie admires Grace's neck too and how it can twist and turn.

Birdie update: patience and the goose is named

Birdie and My Grace this morning-still smiling

Birdie continues to improve, with some days of what feel like set backs, but it is all part of the healing process of nerves damaged by the nasty Menigeal worm.

Each time I talk to my vet, I seem to understand more about this dreaded parasite, and how different it is than other worms. For one, it does not leave the body when it is killed, like stomach worms do. Nerve damage recovery is a long process-only after a year will I assess what we have. I read about one llama that was much worse off than our Birdie, completely down every day, and a year later after the farm did everything they could for her, she simply stood up one day and lived to be 15.

If Birdie can get up on her own, that is the key. Even if she is permanently wobbly, it will be okay. If she were a working guard animal, it would be a problem, or if she were a breeder, which of course she isn't.

So when the vet was here to put down Rosie, we also had her assess Birdie [along with a Cushing Test and shots for The Teapot]. The vet and I were concerned that we had gotten all the worms in our first round of treatment. After that treatment, Birdie was doing well, but then two weeks later, her hind end weekend again and it seemed so sudden. So we gave her a different dewormer-a one time shot that the vet gave her-and we dosed her with something for anti-inflammatory via a shot. We also have switched her anti-inflammatory medicine because the one we were giving daily can cause ulcers in camelids. It means I'm giving Birdie six pills a day instead of one shot. I find she already accepts the pills pretty well, with my 'firm guidance'.

And the good news is, she has been standing every morning when I get to the barn which is a relief. And walking better, less 'drunken walk' some call it. She is eating well, and she has her goose nurse.

By the way, I have named the goose My Grace. If she doesn't lay eggs in spring, I guess she will be M'Lord!

So thank you to the many who are showing concern for Birdie. I don't wish this on any llama. I will do whatever I have to to help her through this, and remaining positive, even on the bad days. I must show her my intent each day-that we are in this together-and I know she is trying to.

The new odd couple? Goose & Llama...a developing story.

I once was contacted by Animal Planet some years back, a producer was looking for unique animal couple stories. At the time, we had recently brought home Earnest the pig, and he and the newly arrived Marcella, a pup, were the starring couple. Pig and Pup I called them, their friendship went on for years, and still exists although they have entered a new stage of their relationship-where Marcella is the boss. And of course I told them about Stevie the crippled goat and Rosie the grumpy pig.

"Do they do anything special together?" the producer asked.

"You mean, does the pig carry the pup around on his back?" I asked.

"Exactly," she said.

I said they did lots of charming things, like caressing each other, watching out for each other....but I said they did animal things, like biting out if the other got too close to food. These were real animals, I reminded her,not Disney characters. I swear some of the animal videos we see out on the internet are staged, people training their dogs to ride equines or chickens on bikes...nothing wrong with that, it brings a smile, but not my thing. I mean, my donkey writes poetry and my pig thinks he's still going to meet E.B. White someday, that's good enough for me.

So I am cautious to tell you that the goose seems to be bonding with the llama.

They have not sung a song together, and so far the goose has not gotten on Birdie's back. I do not think I have to worry about them going viral, yet.

I do believe in letting animals work out their own dynamics in the barnyard, if it is safe. The goose, who I have not named yet and must do that, as she is too beautiful to not have a name matching her grace, since last night has seemed to have attached herself to the llama. Now the goose came here because the farm where she lived felt she was lonely, and she was not able to bond into the duck yard, and the goose's own mother pushed her out after she had more goslings. So the goose more or less imprinted on the farmer, and I often sit with her, and she loves to put her long neck under and into my warm coat, and I pet her.

As you know, I have Birdie inside the barn because she had a set back with the horrible M worm, and we are once again giving daily shots of anti inflammatory med, which as we are day three, appears to be helping. Last night when I went to do feedings, there was Birdie, standing comfortably on her feet, not as stumbly. And beside her, was the goose. I took a picture of it as it was charming to see two differently sized white creatures of such grace, an odd couple for sure, side by side.

This morning, Birdie was standing when I got to the barn which was so good to see. As I did clean up and feedings, I kept hearing the goose roughing up the ducks, one in particular. I figured because Rosie was still finishing her breakfast, that the goose was being territorial about that. But then I fed hay to Birdie, and the goose went right out there, and defended Birdie's hay from the ducks. She made them walk away, and then she stood with Birdie and I took some photos.

So stay tuned. I do know in my many years of care taking, that certain animals are more prone to be caretakers themselves. And you never know who it will be. Sometimes it is a complete surprise. In watching the goose try to interact-or not-in the past couple weeks with the ducks, my sense is that she is not a 'fowl' fowl. She prefers other creatures, even making her way into the Boone stall, which was fine, but I took her out since he could accidentally step on her, but he was fine with her. I like to let animals make their own living arrangements, if possible.

So, we will see. It might be the beginning of a wonderful relationship. And since Birdie might need to be kept in the barn like this, where she is safe if she falls, I think I, and she, will welcome one more caretaker. Birdie can see her sheep and White Dog, and the barn is very open so she is not alone.

Stay tuned to see the [maybe] the developing relationship of Goose & Llama.

Last night, the first hint this might be the beginning of Goose & Llama