I'm simply an emerging happy crone playing with stuffed animals and dolls

I have been learning stop motion animation these past couple weeks and am having fun. I'm giving myself time to learn the app and am experimenting with the whole process. I have much to learn.

For this reason, I reopened my Patreon site and you can follow along there and see me leap and stumble. For some reason I can't load videos here anymore so I hope you might check out Patreon. Right now, you can see my first attempts at this process, for free. In time, as I evolve, the videos will be available to members. I of course will post other creations there too.

I've also added some perks for members depending on your tier: free books and prints.

Working in new mediums is good. It expands one's thoughts. I saw this young woman artist on IG do a post about how she will always follow her heart and muse and even though she grew her following on one medium, she likes to play in other mediums and she often hears followers tell her they came to follow her for that first medium. She gave them a little message: I do what art I want and am moved to do.

I feel the same, especially at 65 and a HALF. I once had a semi well known painter tell me I should focus on painting if I wanted to be in 'serious' galleries. It made me ponder, are there 'funny' galleries? I was somewhat taken aback as I was relatively new to painting and she was more well known than me. She also thought being in Sundance was a bad idea. Sundance has done for me and my continued ability to sell my art and make a living than any gallery and I have no interest in being in a gallery again. I'm grateful for Sundance, I've been with them a long time.

So playing with my art creatures, experimenting with little sets, how could I not being having a wonderful adventure?

If you venture over to Patreon today you'll see two baby elephants meeting.

Just let me be old. I merged into it. It's fine.

 

This photo is us back in Oregon farm, I was maybe 50 I think. Recently, I realized that I have been slipping my age into certain conversations, such as, "Well you know since I turned 65..." and I realized I am growing into that new identity. I am no longer young [do not call me young, as I am not, I am older now] and I simply want to be what I am, older. I just want to be 65, naturally. Why do we post old photos? I think it is two fold-to show ourselves where we are now and try to merge with what we see in a mirror versus a photo from what seems like yesterday, but also to kind of wave to the younger set "Hi, it's old me, I was you once, I'm fine here though but I was once a young something."

 

I read where the beautiful actress Addie McDowell was critiqued for not dying her beautiful silver hair because it made her look older [she is stunning] and she said, 

 

"I do think there is the importance of seeing beauty at every age and it's not limited to a certain age," said MacDowell, adding, "Every once in a while, I'll say to someone, 'I'm old,' and they'll say, 'No, you're not!' Like it's some horrible thing to say." MacDowell continued, "And I'll say to them, 'But what if I say I'm young? Don't have a problem with that, do you?' The truth of the matter is, I'm old and that's OK. That's what I really want people to think about. We're towards the end," she explained. "We have no time to waste feeling shame."

 

Nor do I have time to try to look young. Think about it, why should I try to "look" young. I'm old. When I was 20 nobody tried to make me look older, why do we create products called anti aging. Why is anti? We are evolving bodies. Do we tell the little sapling in the yard, 'Please don't ever get old".

 

At some point in this whole aging thing I thought, I'm not ashamed of my aging, but I have to keep it to myself, I don't have to declare my age-because if I do people will start watching...is she still okay working with those animals? Oh, she fell, she said, is it getting to be too much? I wondered, maybe people won't donate to the non profit because they wonder how long I can do this.

 

Then I came to my senses. It took a bit of merging into the entire age of 65 though.

 

I am not young, but I'm living as I am until I won't be alive. I'm actively living, which means I'm aging. I am not young. I am no longer pretty but I'm not ugly, I'm just like the old animals, I am what I am. I shine really brightly, so much so that that is why I'm looking older now-it takes energy to shine. A flower shines and shines but it can't be the same flower as when it bloomed.

 

"You can't do everything forever," said Bob Dylan. 

 

And I'm smarter about many things-like what I will and won't tolerate, what I just don't care about and what I do care about. I don't tolerate drama queens or kings, grifters or phonies. Gotta use my energy for my healing, my animals and my art. Most of the time, I know what I am supposed to be doing and I do it.

 

 

The man who keeps the place standing...and a good chicken love story

As I age and especially as I work with more elders, I think of what will come of me, of us, and our animals when I get really old. I will be sixty in spring...this is not old-old, but I am entering my final quarter. After the riding accident, after any bad fall, it does change your perspective on falling. I always assumed I'd carry on as usual into my final years, always walking, always working outside, always with animals in my life.

I liked what a woman in her eighties once said to me, that she did not like, nor did she deserve, to be 'detracted' from. At the time she wanted another dog, she missed her dog terribly but due to her age some family members felt it was not a good idea-so many things could go wrong-she could trip on the dog [she could trip on the carpet], the dog might out live her and be homeless [the dog might die before her, and if she did die the dog might end up in a wonderful new home, just like my pug Hughie ended up with me]; walking the dog might cause her to slip on ice [there are solutions to these things, perhaps a small outdoor pen on the deck or outside the door for winter months, something my parents did for a short time].

One has to be practical, but too many times I think we treat our elders like they don't have experience and inner knowledge of their own. They have lived 80+ years, they must have some clue of what works for them. I saw an article this week about a farm setting elder home in the UK where they are incorporating chickens into the daily lives of the residents. One of the residents had had to leave his home, and he was somewhat depressed. The manager spent time talking to him and found out one of the things the man missed was his chickens. So she decided to see if they could help him with that. And soon, the home had a chicken coop and the man had some chickens which he cared for, and other residents helped too. The man's depression went away and he talked more, smiled more, felt more like himself.

As someone who has moved, a lot, and also had to leave my beloved farm in Oregon, I know how unsettling it is to leave animals and a place that once gave me a purpose. I loved the article about the chickens, and realized I want to make something like that happen here too. I have so much work to do, so much. If I was rich I'd buy the property next to us and turn t into a farm-eldercare place, so there could be a few animals, and I could help. I've even thought of trying to raise funds for it, but I need to focus on getting our barn built, and continuing our elder work. We had our first annal meeting with our board and many good things were discussed and one was to recognize the 501[c][3] is evolving in its own time frame, in its natural way. I sometimes get ahead of myself.

I wonder if I could stay here without Martyn. I am a very handy woman, I have lived alone most of my adult life until I met Martyn in my forties so am very self sufficient in most ways-but there are many things here that I rely on him for. I am grateful for each thing he does. He keeps the place standing, fixes the things that need work-important things like electrical and plumbing. He can build things-crucial to any small farm.

We talk about what we would do if one of us died. It gives me comfort to hear him say he wouldn't leave if I died. He loves Maine and he loves our house. I think one of the crucial reason we landed here, in this state, in this region an din this house is it was right for both of us at this time, but it was crucial to Martyn's well being. His life here is better with less commuting and less stress. I know I would stay too if he died, but, it seems the reality of what is coming in the final decade or two is present everywhere in my work with elders. I don't dwell on it, but I don't think a day goes by where I don't thank the skies for what we have together.

And he's stinking' handsome in my eyes.

{If you like the work we are doing with our non profit, helping animals and elder people, please consider a donation which are tax deductible.}

Crone and donkeys

Available at shop

As an emerging crone myself, I think often of my life with animals, and how my crone-ness has been helped by our silent communions.

When I'm really old, I hope they are still with me.

This piece is dedicated to all the crones out there who live with animals, or once did, but could not continue. I hope you can still feel them. It will be my wish at that time, my hope, to die with animals still around me.

What do you think?

I had shown this piece a week ago in other places and it generated a lot of conversation and had meant to post it here too.

This piece was inspired by some recent discussions with close women friends, all of whom are my age or older. We were discussing the question-do you feel more invisible [in your career, or stature] now that you are 59-80 or more, specifically among younger women in your line of work or by others in your field or social circles?

One friend said it felt more like she was felt marginalized by some younger women, when she had so much more experience [not only in her respective career, but as a mother and woman], but felt they weren't as interested in her thoughts, skills, words. [Please note I am not lumping ALL young women or people into being marginalizes.}

I have felt marginalized several times in the recent weeks too-this piece was inspired by that. We all agreed on one thing-we may come into contact with people who marginalize us, but we don't have to own that feeling, nor do we have to tolerate the behavior.

We three crones- a successful workshop

The Emerging Crone Workshop was a wonderful day for us all. We had a very intimate day, a quiet day with perfect weather, and the group was small due to some last minute emergency type cancels. At first I was bummed about that thinking the other attendees might feel let down, but I knew from experience that things usually happen for a reason, and that was the case yesterday.

Because of the small size the gathered crones were able to really share some intimate details of their lives, and it turned out, they had a shared experience of one being an adoptive mother, and another being a mother that gave her child up for adoption years ago. This shared experience allowed them to really help each other with their wisdoms in ways that never would have happened had it ben a bigger group. I felt like a conduit for them! It was really special-and we also just had wonderful conversation about family, death, aging, life....moving, changing, and finding sense of place and the importance of that.

And we sewed dolls. And laughed. One of the guests had a dream the night before about prickly throne turning to wings, so she brought rose stems and feathers for her doll. I loved that.

And as usual the backdrop of farm and Misfits was soothing and the weather could not have been better. Birdie the llama was a hit with guests, the flock was admired by the knitter in the group, and Rosie the pig was...well not that grumpy! People really love seeing the donkeys, Boone and all the other creatures in the real, after reading about them on the blog for a long time. I have to remind myself, this life is a storybook for many, including me-it's just I live within it, others get to jump on the pages from time to time and experience it.

I learned a lot too since this was the first small gathering here. I have logistics to work on, that is true of any event no matter how big. I remember that after each Pino Pie Day in Oregon I learned something to make it better the next year. That will happen here.

I also got got grounding from my guests, and it brought even closer to the realization...all is well, all is as it should be now, I am where I need to be now, all is well, all is well.

More emerging

I worked all afternoon on the doll I posted a day ago. As you can see, she evolved. Like an attempt, there was struggle involved. I layered and layered her face, with scraps. As I worked I thought,

Oh, so this is how it is going to be, she is made of pieces all put together, but still is whole.

As the day went on, I reworked the eyes and mouth a million times. As I added more layering, I realized her eyes had become wings. I like that. I felt the young soul in this doll, is part of my emerging crone self. She reminded me yesterday she is still here, still whole, although bits that might have felt loose or scattered are being sewn back in, to stay.

And her eyes see and create, and expand-like any functioning wings.

It is my time to recreate myself once again.

{Visit the workshop blog to read about the September 17th doll making day here at Apifera}

Emerging Crones

There is still plenty of time to sign up for the workshop. I am keeping enrollment open until the 15th. Today I started creating some forms just to loosen up and get ready for the class. I plan to have some beginning forms for students so they aren't intimidated by the blank slate.

The class explores our intuitive natures, strengths, wisdoms -through communing and doll making. There is no sewing experience necessary.

Read more at the workshop blog.

The Crone Cabinet

The Crone Cabinet-including a doll from Ireland my mother gave me when I was five.

There's an old cupboard in the house that I have named The Crone Cabinet. As I am now entering my emerging crone years, I have placed some things in the cabinet that remind me of the years ahead, and what will be important to me as I age. Animals, of course, warm cloaks of felt, baskets of flowers...a donkey I certainly hope, as Pino and the gang are only 1/3 of the way through their life. I hope I am in a position to have them with me. I try not to dwell on the future, but I hope there are animals for me.

The upcoming workshop in September is all about us emerging crones, how we are growing in strength...deep inside our bones so to speak. I hope to encourage a communal day where we share story, offer optimism to the pessimists, or peace to those who need healing...little wisdoms exchanged over needle and thread as we make our crone dolls, and surrounded with the animals of Apifera.

And I am SO EXCITED that I will have some fiber of one of Apifera's recent additions–one of the new CVM Romeldale sheep. It is fitting that her fiber will be available for the workshop attendees, as she is the elder matriarch of the flock. Her name is Annah Assumpta which is also fitting as "Assumpta" her birth name means one who is ambitious, independent and not easily influenced, with courage and boldness. Not only does this suit her personality, it certainly holds true of the wisdom of the crone. Her face just exudes strength to me.

I have adjusted the price a bit for the workshop. People who needed to travel far way have a lot to pay for, so I adjusted it downward a tad to help. August is never a time for me to get people too motivated, but I really think this is going to be an inspirational and healing workshop. I plan to start some doll work next week to get people excited about doll making– remember, you don't need to be an artist or sewer to enjoy this class, it is hand sewing and intuitive doll making. I will have forms started so people don't feel lost.

Emerging Crones workshop is set for September!

So very excited to announce that the Emerging Crone workshop is now set for Saturday, September 17, 2016 here at Apifera Farm in Bremen, Maine. We will work in the current barn, with stalls of Misfits around us, sewing dolls, sharing crone wisdom, learning from one another, healing each other, guiding out stories lurking in us-or just listening.

The idea for this workshop has been long in the making, and when I had my painting workshop a summer ago at the old Apifera in Oregon, one thing we all realized was the love and story that comes out of gathering together at a table and working with our hands, and sewing is a wonderful way to do that-our foremothers knew this, of course.

Read all about it and register at the workshop blog. There is an Early Crone registration until July 15, and then you pay the regular price after that.