I've had some really good days with Marcella since I wrote about some of the inner challenges I was placing upon myself.
For me, working through inner fears is a process that can chug along for awhile, and then one day, it resolves itself-not by magic, but because I worked through it in my way, and in my time. It's very similar to writing or painting-there are moments of insight and clarity, others of frustration and loss of hope, and then clarity.
My turning point came with the fact that kept coming into my head-
She knows how to go anywhere, let her be.
I just got up one day, opened the barnyard gate, and said, Let's go work and then I kept walking, trusting her to stick around, go off and come back. And that is what happened.
Because most of you have never been here, it is difficult to explain where each and every gate is, what fences have the best escape routes for her to get to a pasture if needed, what paddocks have what animals in them-and it is unnecessary to tell this story. It is not a simple set up, nor is it a set up than can simplified easily because of rams, ewes, elder crippled goats and pigs all needing certain living arrangements. But as I got more comfortable with her freedom, I decided to let her figure that out.
I suppose you are wondering what took me so long. I had to do it my raggedy way with my over thinking hat on.
So after a brief trip with her up to the highest point of our land, where the sheep currently are, and where I can not keep my eye on predator activity, I was feeling more relaxed. She was exploring boundaries, wasn't driving the sheep off, and also as important, Otis was quietly doing his job, not in a panic, but simply walking the flock away from her if she entered.
I don't want her coming to the porch or merging with the house dogs. That is not her job and a guard dog can easily be softened that way. So when I took Mud for my walk yesterday, she came out and followed us to the gate. I got tight again, knowing she could easily find a way under the well fenced area we were leaving from for our walk. But she didn't, we walked away and she went off up to the field.
She truly is a remarkable creature. Her ability to suddenly show up at my side is sometimes eery. I believe if I fell into a well, she really would help me–cue the music. The other thing I'm proud of is that she is responding much more quickly to my needs at the moment, partially because she is maturing, but also because I'm not over correcting her.
