I was thinking how holidays are multi-layered. They encompass both past and future–memories, joys, disappointments, catastrophes and old family myths. It all gets jumbled into hopes and dreams, and maybe fears of the present and future. It brings up layers of past regrets for some, and anger for others. You can't help but look back on a holiday and see what the view was like, or try to remember what the view was like without rose colored glasses.
I've had an odd week. Not a bad one, but a mixture of melancholy and fun. Watching Rudolph last night was both. Many of us feel that, I'm sure, those of in our middle years will remember being little and watching it. Of course back then the advertisement was the same every year–Norelco, all animated, with the razor sledding down the snowy hillside. Raise your hand if you remember. My mother adored Burl Ives and we always teased her that even in the year 2013 she liked to have Burl Ives on for Christmas. When I cleaned out her belongings, there was a Burl Ives CD, which I brought home. So last night, I sang along with her on my shoulder. And of course, Martyn and I love the Island of MISFIT Toys! Especially the polk-a-dot elephant. Martyn jokes that my favorite lounge PJ bottoms are from The Misfit Elephant collection, since they are polk-a-dot. It always makes us laugh.
Laughing is the key. I married someone who makes me laugh, and I make him laugh. I think I'd have to say it is the number one thing that makes marriage fun-laughing with someone that gets you. I'm so thankful for Martyn.
So, Thanksgiving is here. The firsts are hard in grief. But I'm okay! I made pie, I went for a long ride on Boone and then I hung out with The Misfits. I hugged Little Goose a lot- he still loves to place his head into my body while I hold him, just like he did as a baby. Ernest and the pigs make me laugh over and over. Stevie the gentle giant still gives kisses, and Old Rudy appreciates my touch. I can look out at any given vista from the barnyard and see layers of animals. I miss my mother, but it does not consume me. But it is still there, the hole is bigger than the surrounding space-just yet. That will adjust. Tomorrow I will be grateful for a husband who helps me out, a brother and sister-in-law who are preparing a feast and two newer friends that I've grown to really enjoy-because they make me laugh too.
I hope all of you reading will find things to be grateful for, even if you are hurting or are going through some kind of transition that has you off balance.
Late this afternoon, I took eggs from the girls and made buttermilk pie. I still thinks eggs are the perfect food. Such a complete package, and the ability to be an animal or a scramble, such smart work of Nature. I'll never compete with such wisdom as Nature, but I can walk with Her and pay attention. She is so bountiful.
