Wednesday, November 08, 2017
Don't rush my melancholy
We shall see how they end up.
I fell into a bit of a funk this morning after sorting through old files, that led me to find old images from the old farm. I realize I might never be able to look at any of them without falling into some moments of sadness. I am thinking that that times was just a very special time in my life, when so much was evolving in me and so much was coming into my life-dreams were appearing right and left, animals and land worked together in such magical ways to bring surprise everyday. It was not a perfect time, no time is...but I think it will always be difficult to think back to it without longing for certain parts of it-like the gravel driveway, Old Barn, my rides with Joanne...I don't know, it is just part of me now, that empty part that was once my old farm.
And now I have this farm, different in so many ways, and still magical...I think the magic appears here in quietness, it has its own personality of communicating with me here. Perhaps this place is still recognizing I am still healing from what was a loss, even though we chose to leave.
I will take the time I need, perhaps the rest of my life, to work through those memories. And I won't let anyone to tell me to get over it already. One can be happy and content and still have sadness.
I am about to go out to Rag Tree. I've been meaning to and I want to hang some new prayer rags for people, and one for me too, and our farm here. It's a beautiful crisp day and I just keep hearing a voice,
Go out to The Wood, go out today.
So I will, right now.