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Friday, January 06, 2017

Bunnies and the gloomies

I sat in the studio looking at the painting desk, bunny at my feet. I just kept painting bunny blobs. Bunnies are pretty addictive I guess. It raised my dull mood. I was sort of blue all day and I really don't know why, so I just worked through it, walked through it as I did chores. I sort of wondered who I was. I guess as artists and people we might be swimming along and all of a sudden the thought comes into our heads,

What am I doing?

I feel like I'm making good art, have my portfolio online really up to date. I've made some nice books. And then I did the very bad thing we artists sometimes do: I compared my past accomplishments to some current successes of other artists. You know, you see a very good and nice artist getting a book deal and you go into that Self Debbie Downer conversation in your head?

It's pitiful to think that way. I snapped out of it. I began to think about:

What project do I want to work on more than anything?

And I didn't have an answer today. That can lead me to the gloomies, when I don't have a focused direction-like a new book or series of pieces. It will be okay.

But I bet a lot of you artists friends out there have the gloomies and Debbie Downer moments. It's part of it. It always passes for me, at least it always has.

Here's to bunnies.


Cynthia Valero said...

I think the gloomies are a part of the process. I think it's one of the real badges of courage that artists have to constantly earn. It's why some people give up, I think. But you have too much courage and too much to give to do that.

L. Jensen said...

I've been having these same feelings lately. They usually come at the beginning of January. And furthermore, I've been having completely random dreams about rabbits. "Bunnies." So when I saw your post, I wondered if their is some deeper connection. (?) Thanks for your post.

Anonymous said...

Comments are back!
You seem to be a master of just putting one foot in front of the other, Katherine...but even Super Woman might expect some sort of hangover or emotional/mental 'time out' from all the changes you've been through in this last year. It will pass. Winter is for hibernating and visioning too, they say.

Katherine Dunn/Apifera Farm said...

Hi everyone. Cynthia, I think many don't realize the courage of the creative. Or anyone that 'shows up' each day to their challenge. L.J. well, maybe there is, bunnies and moods...make a person think. Yes, Susan, I torture myself with the comments turned on [not by the lovely, thoughtful comments such as here] and then I torture myself with the no interaction, or people only commenting on FB and they only comment on the headline. I can't win so am giving up!

lishofmann said...

Living life attentive, open and present is NOT for the faint of heart. Choosing to show up day after day with love and curiosity is the only way I want to live my life BUT it takes its toll. It is easy to understand how "numbing" activities rule the day for so many. I come here because your work, your life inspire courageous living on my part. This past year I had no project/plan and it was an excruciating experience! I have felt like the Hanged Man in the Tarot dangling out there ... and I still have no idea but I feel something shifting. For me, returning to Play in my sketchbooks and journals and experimenting, making messes and learning new ways to use materials has kept me going. It is like I am paddling across a wide expanse of water with no land in sight, but I must keep rowing lest my entire life is spent adrift. Oh, how I LOVE bunny blobs!

Katherine Dunn/Apifera Farm said...

Maybe being adrift is how you had to function, to let go of some things? I was thinking of you today, Lisa, thinking about what is the best kind of workshop for me to teach...the doll one was really fun, but I'm thinking drawing and intuitive paint...I don't know yet, but I thought, I'll ask Lisa!

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Thank you for reading! The farm and my art/writing keep me hopping, so might not respond immediately. Thank you for understanding. ~Katherine & Apifera ~