I was listening to that Annie Lennox song I've always loved - "Bless this head,bless this hair, bless me to the dirt in my fingernails yea, bless this day, bless this night, give me something good make me feel alright - I'm alive" ...I'm alive! It was 25 years ago John Lennon was shot at 40. He would have been 65 if still here. I wish he was still around, we need more like him. He wouldn't have kept silent these past few years, I don't think. They played a 1971 interview of him on Dick Cavett this morning and he was saying that sometimes he wished he didn't have the type of mind/head that made him need/want to perform. That he sometimes wished /yearned to just go fishing and play a little guitar at nite for himself. I get that.
I'm always thinking/seeing things, like energy orbs of color and stuff. I'm never able to verbalize it, so never try. The other day when I was working in the field at a higher point in our property, I was looking at all the different fence lines from all the cross fencing we've done and others have done over 100 years, and I thought if you took all the barns/buildings/houses out of the property and looked down there would be a fence pattern of line, and I should try to paint that. So like Lennon thought, sometimes it would be relieving to just notice that fence line, but not have a real need/desire/"must do" to paint it. But then I wouldn't be an artist, and there is nothing else I can think to want to be - and if I were something else, I wouldn't know it anyway, as I'd be someone else...hmmm
The fog of the lst week has lifted -It's impossible not to paint it, the fog, and I credit it with taking my paintings to another level. It has spirit, that fog. It's like a clan, where ever you go in the fog, there it is, one huge evolving entity. Yet, after days of it, the sun is so welcome, and adds a new perspective on things. I haven't painted for a week. I needed a break. Sometimes I'm not painting because I'm putting it off by being so busy just doing the business stuff, or farm stuff, and if I just sit down and just be with it at my desk, I can start painting again, and it's great, I get results. And sometimes you sit down because you feel you need/"should" paint, and you struggle and nothing of merit comes out, nothing you want to pursue, and that is when I just sit back and rest it, the painter in me. As my artist compadré said once recently, "I'm not a faucet".