Apifera Farm - where art, story, animals & woman merge. Home to artist Katherine Dunn

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©Katherine Dunn.

Thursday, October 01, 2020

How do I keep doing it, she asked

You might have already read elsewhere that sweet little Fuzzy died. I knew she was dying a few days ago and she went into pretty much a death slumber 24 hours before formally passing. The video was right before her body finally let go. She was very much 'not here' and not in stress.

Sometimes people ask how I keep facing loss over and over. I guess you could ask the same of elder caregivers at residences. Someone once said people have to be wired for it.

I don't know.

I think maybe I am just at a place in my life where I can keep doing it, keep going on after a death. Some hit you really hard of course. Some are a relief when they pass [like Fuzzy, due to her chronic cyst issues I was relieved for her]. And I won't say one gets desensitzed to it the loss, one just evolves into the role.I still have so many charges here, that after I buried Fuzzy, I came back to the ct room and hung out with the other cats for awhile. They all need me.

Maybe that's reason enough. Other animals need me, need a place like Apifera, so you don't question going on. Maybe someday I will question it, but not now.

The video below is this morning's Walter Song. He came over to me everytime I was attending Fuzzy in the pass days, even more than Noritsu. I have noticed Walter has lost a teeny bit of wight. I asked him not to go yet. But then I told him I can't do that and it is out of my hands but I sure do like having him here.