Tasha T. floats off

Tasha Teats Tudor has died.

While I knew a few weeks ago her strength was limited and appeared to be waning, I had hopes she would get to Spring for the warm weather. But it was not to be. When we left the farm on Friday to fly to California to celebrate my mother's 87th, Tasha Teats was no better or worse than days before. She was eating well,was able to get up on all fours and had a good expression. I explained everything to my farm sitter and all appeared
fine that first night when she did feedings. It was a very cold nite. The farm sitter found her on her side in the morning, almost unconscious. She held her but her neck was listless. She said her expression was blank. Over emails and phone calls, I knew Tasha was in the death spiral - something I've seen and know it is not to be altered - especially with an elder who is already weak and thin. I opted to let her go without the vet's assistance - I could tell from the farm sitter's descriptions of her movements or lack of them that she would be gone within an hour or so. And she was in and out of consciousness so to speak. The farm sitter held her all the way through, with Rudy near by. She did everything I would have done and I am so grateful she was there to hospice her. As far as deaths go, she had a peaceful one surrounded by human compassion and her life long mate.

It was very cold all weekend and I wanted to bury her properly - and have my own closure. So upon returning home, I let Rudy see her one last time. He was not interested really - he had said his farewells a couple weeks ago. I remember his expression a couple times as I'd go into check on Tasha T, her head resting on him - he looked at me with a very specific expression, one that told me he really got what was happening. He also began separating himself more from her. So I carried her to the pumpkin patch and we dug the hole he did come to the fence and bleated. It's easy to place human emotions on our animals, but it was not a grieving bleat, he was greeting me. In the past weeks he has become one of the 'followers" - escorting me in the barnyard. This morning, he seemed so light in his step, with a bright, content look. I think he took his role of care taking seriously, but he was ready to move on.

I snipped a lock of his hair and laid it on Tasha's body in the grave. So no more pain from crippled little bent legs.

I don't know why things happen in any given sequence. I wanted to be there and beat myself up for not being there. But it's just part of nature's call. Having a farm sitter that took such care and thoughtfulness with her meant the world.

She was only with us such a short time but left a mark, and a space. The space will be filled with life.

Little old lady morning

If you'd like to help Tasha and the other Misfits of the Apifera barnyard you can visit the funding page.

Tasha Teats Tudor has been struggling of late. When she arrived in November she was just as crippled from arthritis, but was able to walk more without falling. When she did start falling a couple of weeks ago, it was usually on a slight incline, and she often ended up "cast", which can be dire or even deadly for a little pygmy or elderly goat - if they can't right themselves. Fortunately I found her each time, and immediately started leaving in her suite during the day so she had less chance of getting knocked or stumbling.

Then last weak her appetite fell off and she seemed very weak. I dosed her with vitamins and shots of B12 but her eyes still had lots of pink in them making me feel she wasn't totally anemic. She is very thin and I wondered if her time had just come. She will be 13 in April.

I have a theory that an animal that has struggled in life, has been abused or neglected, or is just in a bigger herd where they don't feel they can let their guard down - that these animals fight the circumstance they are in in order to stay alive. But when they are brought to a place they feel safe in, these same animals let their guard down and feel safe enough to let go.

Tasha and Rudy were not neglected. Their owner for life lost her husband and found herself, after a year, in a situation where they couldn't keep the goats and she sent them to New Moon Goat Rescue. There was another goat, a larger goat, that was a bit over zealous with Tasha. Maybe now that he is not bugging her she feels safer and is letting go a bit.

Today I got her out to see how she'd do in the barnyard. She was only out for his brief movie, and did fall going back in the barn - but, she was strong enough to get up. And tonight at dinner time, she got up from her nap and was bleating to eat dinner - a very good sign.

I don't know how long Tasha will hang on. Maybe it was a cold. Maybe spring will come and she will live many years. I know she can't be left alone in certain places because she will fall so she is very special needs at this point. I considered investing in a wheelchair for her but I just don't see how that will alleviate the danger of her casting herself.

I took these photos today of her eating in her suite with Rudy, and additional guests in the form of pig and Lofa. I thought the light and essence was quite spiritual.

Old Rudy gentleman in a goat suit

He's not a goat, he's more of a dignified elder that greets you at the front door, welcomes you in, always with a kept beard and good posture even though his arthritic legs might be wobbly.

Rudy and Tasha are settling in amazingly well. These two are so sweet and gentle, and though very arthritic and somewhat crippled from it, they get around on sunny says, not afraid to explore all over the place. I have yet to capture a good shot of Tasha, as when she is moving, she is fast on those crippled little legs!

But Rudy, ah, Rudy, he stands for me, poses, calls out to me as I leave the barnyard.

In other related news, Rosie the pig has two beds now - her overnight sleeping area near Stevie, and now a napping lounge in Rudy and Tasha's stall. Knowing that little pig sleeps next to the newcomers during the day and Stevie at night makes the cynical deed of the outside world melt away.

Meet all The Misfits of Apifera and hear their stories >

Thankful for the Misfits

The Head Troll coordinated the Thanksgiving Prayer for the new Misfits, Rudy and Tasha Teats Tudor. Old Daisy attended for the flock and Pino led a touching version of Gershwin's "Someone to Watch Over Me."

I've always been a bit of a Misfit myself. My art never really fit neatly into one category, nor does my writing. When I was little I had short curly red hair and always felt like I stuck out. My feet were freakishly small with very high arches yet I was not graceful like a ballerina. So I feel like I finally fit in here with my Misfits.

I think Apifera was here long before it manifested itself to me. She was waiting, ripening, exploring - just like I was - until we could come together at the right time. Any sooner, and the relationship might ave have sputtered out of control, or one side might have dominated the other, or lost interest.

I feel so grateful for Apifera and the Misfits in my barnyard along with the donkeys, sheep, horse, chickens, fowl. To every feral cat that now calls the barn, porch or couch a home, I am glad you showed up. And of course Apifera would fall down without The Dirt Farmer.

But I'm also grateful for all of you. Some of you have been loyally following along since the start, others are just coming on board. Some of you I have come to have real life friendships with and you have supported my work as an artist and an animal caretaker. Thank you so very much. It's a lot of hard work here, but it keeps me breathing and vibrant. I still get excited when a new animal comes aboard, still cry over birth and death, still love the smell of my horse's neck.

Apifera has evolved right along with me and it blows my mind sometimes when I look at my life from a bird's perspective - a woman scurrying around, with buckets, and lots of crippled goats following her. I hope you will stick around for awhile with me - who knows what will happen tomorrow or the next day.

Peace and love,

~ Katherine & Apifera ~

Safe landing of old goats

Rudy and Tasha Teats Tudor - I took liberties with her given name 'Teats" - have arrived safely at Apifera. They are snug as bugs wrapped in a blanket of Mother Earth's hay, resting up after a long road trip. We were so lucky to have someone volunteer to drive them here for us all the way from New Moon goat Farm Rescue - thank you Chery! The kindness of strangers.

These two old timers, ages 11 and 12, are very crippled from arthritis but their former owner took very good care of them. I hope I can get them walking some more, but right now they seem content to rest up. They have been through a lot of changes in the past couple weeks, leaving their home of 10+ years, stopping at New Moon for a couple weeks before taking a long car trip to Apifera.

They are locked in my heart already - a very gentle twosome.

Two more old goats coming to Apifera!

Visit the  Apifera ChipIn page to contribute to help with monthly care costs of all the Apifera adoptees.


Their story - and their owners- grabbed my heart when I read it. A woman and her husband had the goats for most of their goat lives. They were loved and cared for.

But her husband sadly passed away in mid life. The woman's situation changed immediately - and I think any of us can understand this. She did not panic and looked for almost a year for a caring home that could care for her two pet goats - both very arthritic and needing medication and the right home. So after a year, with much thought, she relinguished the goats to our friends at new Moon Goat Farm & Rescue. She really fought it, but knew it was what she had to do.

I am really happy to know they will live their lives out here. I have seen a movie of them and they are very arthritic so they remind me a lot of Old Man Guinnias, and Gertie of days gone by. They come with the names Rudy [the red one] and...wait for it...Teats. Now, I was rather bemused by the name Teats, but the story is the first breeder of the goat called her that because she had an extra teat or only one, I forget, and the name stuck. I imagine I will let Apifera find a nickname for her, if it so desires.

Now would be a great time to let you know that I am trying out ChipIn fundraising.
Many of you say how you'd like to help out but live far away, or you can't get away, or you don't have a lot of money. But you can help in tiny ways monetarily. Each month I spend about $250 on feed alone just for the adoptees - and that doesn't count vetting, extra medicines, materials like gates, straw, hog fuel and more.

Visit the ChipIn Widget on the upper right hand sidebar to contribute to the monthly, or my ChipIn page to contribute. If emergencies arise, or special needs, I will add it on to next month's amount to raise.