Apifera Farm - where art, story, animals & woman merge. Home to artist Katherine Dunn

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Wednesday, November 03, 2021

Focusing on what I can do...I don't need to know everything about you and vice versa


This is not a political post, far from it, it is more a self healing post. I've been sad about our country for some time....and scared for democracy, to be honest. I wondered if it is wrong to simply turn out all news, all of it...is that selfish, is that the right way to handle all the upsetting [for me anyway] news? I think tuning it all out is irresponsible as a citizen and voter, so I am not choosing that path. I do get my news from online reliable papers, not social media and definitely not Facebook. And I find I'm just passing by certain articles-usually becasue the media, no matter which outlet, likes to rehash something over and over, and it becomes numbing, kind of like the last 4 years. I read it, explore what I need to, and step away...until I might yell at the tv a bit before we watch one of our shows.

But I was thinking that we know way too much about everybody, thanks to social media.

If I knew every thought of every elder I love at Cove's Edge....would that change how I feel? Perhaps. I know many people I enjoy running into in my weekly errands have very different thoughts than I do on many things, but it doesn't matter, because we focus on things we share. For example, at the feed store I have no idea what thoughts or beliefs are in most of their heads, I could assume I guess, but I focus on the fact that I can go in there and they know me and what I do and I can ask for advice on a sick chicken.

I get very depressed about our mother ship more than most of the other madness going on-and that includes important stuff like voter suppression, COVID, congress infighting, women's rights, and more. I am very sad for our Earth and I am not that optimistic, and I have always been an optimist. If we can't get along better than we are in one country, and men continue to rule the world with their main desire being power, I just don't see it changing enough that our beautiful Earth will be helped in time.

Still, I want to help people in my area, and people that are hurting, and animals. That is my plan for emotional survival and health. Just keep making art from my heart, keep writing, keep reaching out if I see someone is down, keep sharing my animals with the elders, keep smiling and being there for them in small ways which to them are big ways...keep my head down in the wind. The local paper had an article from the police departments that are suffering from staff shortages, and they pointed out how many more people are being arrested for road rage and anger disturbances–it makes me even more picky about the people I interact with. I prefer my elders and a handful of people, and my animals.

Because of my age, and because I see elders who must leave their homes or lose their mates, I have never been more aware of what I have. Each night, I really mean this, I look forward to being with Martyn by the fire, talking, sharing, his cooking...falling asleep together and his kiss goodbye every morning at 6:30. It can be gone in an instant, and it often is for people.

I have also taken in, soaked in, life more this year than I think I ever have. My time table is mine more than it has ever been and I've earned it-as many of you out there reading have. I've been a self supporting artist/writer since 1996 and I worked my butt off to get to this spot. I'm blessed to live on my farm, and see the sights I see, like this image of old Luci as I opened the door very early this morning-so regal she was in the sun and crisp air and autumnal colors all around her. I've become stingier with my schedule and rarely -unless I have to -make an appointment before 11. That is not laziness, it is practicality. I do not want to rush with my animals and morning chores which take about 2 hours. Not only to I want to move at a pace that will help me not trip and fall, I want to enjoy them. There are so many ways to fall! You don't think about it much in your younger years. But after the concussion, after aging some, I am very aware of it.

I want to see, like the sun lighting up the tippy top of Pino's mane at sunset.



4 comments:

Carol Kitchell said...

I really identify with all that you're saying. Sometimes it seems like negotiating the American terrain on a daily basis is like crossing a minefield. Especially if we allow ourselves to get caught up in all the awful news. But how can we not be affected by the world's pain? When one suffers, we all suffer. What can I do in my sphere of agency? What filters do I need to have up for myself? What are my core values and am I living them? The natural world, my animals, my creative work, and as a friend said, exquisite self care (what I call self-shepherding) - these things help me. Thanks for sharing deeply.

Katherine Dunn/Apifera Farm said...

I so agree...I always say we do not take a leaf off a tree, we take a leaf off of the entire ecosystem...ripple effects...and I love the term 'self shepherding'...

Cynthia Valero said...

Thank you for your post, Katherine. It is hard for us humans to not be overwhelmed when we are delivered so many stories of pain from around the world every single day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Humans have never had so much access to so much all at once. I think we are still learning how best to stay aware and compassionate without saturating our much-needed energy with what we cannot directly affect or change.

I believe the way the world heals is each of us becoming more aware of our own inner terrains--our personal emotional ecosystems--and working steadily on our own personal healing. This is by no means selfish. By virtue of our internal work, we begin to become an example to others regarding healing. I think healing, many times, is something unexpected (perhaps both in what needs healing and how it is healed). It is scary to face what needs healing, but the more healing we do internally, the more it will--by sheer quantum physics--heal externally as well.

Start internally, start small, start local...and healing will build energy outward from there!

Hugs to all!

Katherine Dunn/Apifera Farm said...

thanks for writing Cynthia. I agree with your idea that our own healing promotes healing in others-as it is energy we are talking about, right? {so if we express constant anger, we expand other's anger, for example] I also like that you say that it is scary sometimes [or often] to address what needs healing, becasue that usually means a change is needed in some form and I think all creatures are stressed by change. Yes, start local, even if it is your neighbor! We can't all be Noble Peace Prize winners.

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Thank you for reading! The farm and my art/writing keep me hopping, so might not respond immediately. Thank you for understanding. ~Katherine & Apifera ~