The gift of the 103 year old...the most meaningful of gifts

The birthday boy shows his pony bells through the window

There was a very special birthday gathering at Chase Point this week. One of the residents, David  turned 103 years old with his daughters and family members gathered outside a large picture window as David sat inside, looking out. Due to the restrictions and CDC guidelines due to the COVID 19 virus even family members can not visit inside.

But the birthday boy had another special guest–Harry the llama.

David loves animals and back when he was 101 he first visited Apifera Farm where he met all the animals including the llamas. He was able to visit again when he was 102. But this year, due to the virus everyone is in lockdown. When I heard David’s birthday was coming up, I immediately wanted to bring Harry to the gathering and contacted David’s daughter  to confirm a Llama Birthday Window Walk with Harry.

I was going to try to do a daisy chain for his neck, but opted to decorate him in bells [these were gifted to us last year by a follower who had collected them during her many travels.] Now I realize picking the bells was one of those divine moments.

When David saw Harry’s bells he was delighted. He started to talk about the pony bells he had hanging in his room. It’s hard to hear through the window,  but the staff translated, and his daughter explained to me how he loved his pony bells. The staff went to his room and brought the pony bells down so everyone could see them through the window. David had found them long ago in his travels to India and where ever he lived he always took his pony bells. Then he asked the staff to take them outside so I could see them closer, and I was thrilled to ring them and show Harry. Through it all, David sat inside smiling through the window watching his favorite pony bells being rung. Minutes later, another staff person came out and said David wanted me and Harry to have the bells.


Verklempt moment.

I just welled up with tears, I looked at him through the window and patted my heart with my hand, and he mimicked me. It was probably the most caring, beautiful and most meaningful gift I have ever received.

As Harry and I  left with our new special bells, the family was able to visit more with David outside, under social distance guidelines. There were no hugs allowed or birthday cake, but there were smiles from David.

My birthday wish for David is he gets to be with his family up close...soon...very soon. And when we all get through this lock down, I want to get David out to the farm, and we will ring those bells.


And a postscript...It had slipped my mind...but this was also Birdie's birthday. I know she was present. She probably helped me find Harry.

Harry looks in at the birthday boy

David meeting Birdie the llama when he was 101

Katherine wearing the pony bells with honor

Birdie reaches out today....from...everywhere

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A post shared by Katherine Dunn / Apifera Farm (@katherinedunnapiferafarm) on Mar 21, 2019 at 7:15am PDT

Birdie's been on my mind. It was a year ago when we were giving her physical therapy twice a day, trying so hard to help her. We did that through mid March. This film was taken the night before she died. I documented everything on Instagram, and I even keep it all on my phone so I can go back and look at it sometimes. I don't do that as much now. But when I do , now that is has been a year since she got sick, what I see now is an animal that was fighting the fight-with me, and maybe for me- but there was a moment in the photos where-now-I could see her change. Her hair even looked duller and grayer. Even in this film posted here, when I posted that back then, I didn't think it was the end. I could still see a smile there, a tired smile, but a smile. When I look today, I see how tired she was. The next night, she was clearly...pushing away a bit, in her demeanor. I am not even sure anymore, if I did right by her, fighting so hard to save her. I do know she was trying. I'm a bit sad that maybe I should have given my usual speech, "It's okay to let go"...but it wasn't ok because selfishly I wanted her to stay, and she did, as long as she could.

Today, I got a package from a kind follower. It had a gift for Bear, who arrives in a couple weeks, which I will let him open. And a package for me. My mother was rolling her eyes in heaven because I am notorious for opening gifts when they arrive, not waiting. When I read the woman's sweet note I had to open it. The woman had been following Apifera awhile and was very fond of Birdie and was so sad when she died. But sometime near Birdie's death, her mother grew ill, and she was caring for her, which was a challenge both emotionally and physically-any caretaker can tell you the toll it takes no matter the love surrounding it. She said that in the hardest days, when she felt like she was in a fog, she would repeat to herself, "Birdie On, just Birdie On!"

This just made me rip open the package, I knew what it would be-a soft fluffy white llama doll. Now you don't have to all go out and send me llama dolls, but I have to say, the fact I've been thinking of her so much lately, and hearing this woman's story...I go back to my belief I've expressed many times...we are all connected-in actions and breath. It's not about not making mistakes, it's about understanding your words and actions have repercussions, and we get to choose how we'd like our repercussions to be felt-as positive, kind, sincere, authentic...or hurtful, harsh,domineering and judgmental.

As Lou Reed said so well, "Spittin' in the wind comes back at you twice as hard."

Birdie never spit, and together, I think we formed a union and partnership that helped me shine my strengths, showing the world what I wanted to be and could be if I just had a llama with me.

I think she was part of that doll that arrived today, reminding me, it's okay, she's where she needed to go, and I'm here where I need to stay for now. I truly hope we meet again.

Harry...and his magnificent haircut arrives

Harry journeys from mountains to ocean, complete with prayer flags

On Tuesday I was up at 3:30 to do chores. We were on the road at 4:45 AM headed to the Berkshires, a 6+ hour drive. I told Martyn we were not going to do any 12+ hour round trips anymore to pick up animals...but...it was Harry, he was worth it. And, we got to see the Berkshires, and the leaves had started turning. We also got to meet Harry's owners and see their beautiful place [which by the way has a sweet little Air B&B where you can enjoy the area, but have llamas outside your window].

I had so many memories flashing though me as I drove the old familiar highways I knew from my time in college back in the late '70's. Seeing the road signs that could send me up to the Saratoga area where I spent some summers at school, or small towns in New York and Vermont of college friends...it got me to thinking of memories of long ago-like driving to Canton for freshman year with my parents, and we stopped at the old village historical site, that was jogged in my brain when I saw the road sign. And the mountains. I miss the mountains. I am very happy in Maine, I love the ocean, but...I have to say the mountains have always been kindred. The ocean is more like my inner womb I swam in as a pre-human. The mountains feel like a protecting wisdom all around me.

When I first saw Harry, he was standing next to another male herd mate. He was even more beautiful in person. He is very calm and loaded right up even though he'd never trailed. He rode in the trailer for 7 hours back to Maine, with the prayer flags hanging above him that followers sent for our 6 day journey from Oregon to Maine three years ago. I never took them down and it was nice to know they still send prayers for our travels.

It was dark enough when we got home that I opted to leave Harry in the trailer for the night. He was lying down when I went in to sit with him for a spell [llamas couch/lie down when they travel]. He has a very sweet expression. He listened intently. The time between picking an animal up-when they leave their home-and the arrival is always the most unsettling for me. I want the animal to know it will be ok, and I know Harry felt this. When we loaded him, his former owner took time to say his final goodbyes in the trailer...it was sweet. I truly believe that even though Harry knew this was different, the intention of his former owner was clear to him, and my intention was also clear to him.

The next morning, I brought Harry out. It reminded me of my favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz, as Dorothy opens the door and the b/w scenes turn to color. Llamas are naturally curious, and Harry had so much to see. He had lived in the same place his whole life, so this was a big day for him. I was pleased the The Goose didn't harass him-The Goose is protective of me and when new people come in, he usually runs to them [although he has never down this with elders, which I think is so intuitive]. He heard familiar sounds of donkeys and chickens, but he'd probably never seen pigs so that was pretty new for him.

When we go to the outer barn, I let him nose Arlo, but opted to put him in a stall where he could meet everyone though the fence-sheep, horse, donkeys, ponies, White Dog...and Luna and Lucy were introduced to him too, but he will not share a fence with them for obvious reasons. I did chores and decided to see how he did, and let him out to be with the docks and Boone. My animals know llamas, and there was no drama. I thought there would be more drama between Arlo and Harry at the fence line since they are both intact [which will change come spring] but there really wasn't.

For now, I'm letting him stay with the equines, he seems content. And I can still work with Arlo and keep him more focused on me in training...I will let them in together soon to see what happens, but all indications are it will be fine. Arlo is very content now I think, he has his little Misfit herd of ponies and White Dog at night...and me.

So, welcome, Harry. It will be much fun to see how you settle...will you like therapy sessions? We'll find out. No pressure, Harry. And maybe your purpose is to smile at us....who dos that remind you of?

Harry enters Apifera for the first time

Harry smiles...who does that remind you of?

"What am I doing?" I asked Birdie.

Please meet Harry. He is coming to live with Arlo soon. Harry has a fabulous hairdresser, for sure.

But it took a winding path to get to Harry. I was a bit....well, read on....

So, as you know if you follow along, it has been a whirlwind llama year for us. We struggled and tried to save Birdie for months, but lost her in April. I vowed to Birdie On, and we have. The plan was to bring home Arlo along with old Luna, and then from the same person there was old Lucy who had been bred even at this older age and we were to take on Lucy with her baby cria. The baby, Button, died at one month right before we were to pick them both up. But we agreed to help out and take on Lucy so Luna would have a friend, which was always the plan. The two old girls could live month or a couple years, but they are old.

SO then, since Button died, I had picked out a young female, and a young male for Arlo. These would have been costs out of my pocket, since they were not animals in need but I wanted to Birdie On.

My stomach told me, as did my heart, and my wallet, that perhaps this was all too much, and it was unecessary. After all, I was working well with Arlo, the old girls were settled, and if I brought home two more youngsters especially another male, well that was a lot of training to do.

"What am I doing?" I asked Birdie.

And then I remembered Harry. I had seen Harry back in spring when I found Arlo and liked him but decided I should get a young male to train. But now, I think Harry and his disposition will be not only a good friend and herd teacher for Arlo, but he might rise to the therapy llama category.

I guess this might all sound nuts. I had told Birdie last spring to help me find the right llamas [not easy in Maine, there are no llama breeders here] and I believed the original youngsters I picked out were the right choices. How could I go against Birdie, I thought. But then I realized Birdie has been helping all along, she just knew I needed to walk through this or fumble through it, in my way and that in some way I was trying to actually FIND HER.

Birdie was gone. I had to try to find her again, somewhere, but I couldn't, of course, but I had to try. And my gut told me to stop, my heart told me to embrace Arlo, and now Harry. And that will be plenty of llama love to go around, with Birdie popping in on clouds when I need her.

Summer's first therapy visit...and we Birdie On

I am excited for our Wednesday visit, with a group of elder residents coming down from Camden. This is a day of firsts in that it is the first farm visit where there will be a hole where Birdie once stood. But we will have Arlo at his first official therapy day. I plan to also bring in Matilda, and maybe Paco as this group seems enthusiastic about bigger animals.

I am excited but found myself feeling anxious this weekend. I began to realize it was partially sadness that Birdie-a natural at these things-was not there as my partner. I never had to think with her, she was a lady and a love star. With Arlo, he is in training, but is doing very well and I have had people over to due test runs with him. But I will have to watch to make sure he doesn't wear out. And Luna will have to be in the barn I think so she doesn't get anxious and then he will get anxious. He likes people and is also behaving well with learning his ground manners. I have several volunteers coming so am also feeling good and appreciative about that since this day will take some moving animals around. I'd like to have Ollie in the mix too but he is getting so big and is like a giant puppy, so he will be on a halter for control.

I think I miss Birdie more than any animal I've ever known and loved and lost. I think because we were partners, right through her illness and death. But, there is only one thing to do, Birdie On...and I know Arlo is going to bring smiles. He is so soft, and he is caring. The other baby female llama is supposed to be coming this week or very soon and she will be fun to train. She is also black as is her elder mom who is coming. We will then have two elders who will live out their months or years with us–it is hard to know how long they will live but they are up there on the age scale-and the two youngsters. I still would like one more, a white faced or speckled/white one. Selfishly I miss seeing a white llama. So I am putting it out to the old universe, and Birdie. I'm in no rush, and just am keeping my eyes and heart open for that final llama to add to our family.

More Llama Love arriving!

Hours after being born-look at those legs!

This sweet girl and her mom are coming to Apifera! She was born on Wednesday and we have been waiting for what seems forever but she finally popped out. These pics were taken hours after. She is pure black.

When Birdie died and I began looking for more llamas, I quickly found that it is hard to find them in Maine. So I began to really pursue llama people in New England as I didn't want to go too long without a llama. I also knew I wanted more than one, and if one died, I would not be llama less.

So I found a woman with the young male now known as Arlo, and she gave me the 19 year old we now call Luna. Luna is old, she could live to be 25, or not. SO when I picked out Arlo and Luna, I also was on board to take another elder llama and her baby. The elder llama is 19 which is a bit up there for having a baby and I won't go into details-but there is no 'bad human' story here–and the baby was born healthy and all is well.

Argo can not be gelded until he is at least one and a half, it has to do with his ones and joints forming properly. This of course means I have to separate him out very soon from Luna and will do so once the baby and mama arrive in coming weeks. I was hoping for a girl, as I really didn't want to train two in tact males. I was also hoping for more white, but...I think this is exactly as it is meant to be. A black llama is so different than Birdie and it will remind me of that, that she is her own llama this little girl.

Argo has been doing so well, in fact, I had a volunteer come this week and I wanted to see how he would be with a newcomer in a therapy setting and he was great. i really think he is going to be a good therapy llama. He is inquisitive but has learned boundaries well-something I work on everyday. He is gentle with his head and not spooky. Luna is also getting settled, she is not scared, just a bit shy. She will not be a therapy llama, her job here is to be herself and retire with ease.

I am excited to meet her. I will have lots to do this summer but what a gift!

Hours after being born

One of our volunteers gets to know Arlo

Time to get busy-you might take this art home

We are entering The Final Barn Addition Fundraiser Freakout with the work scheduled to begin mid July. We have only raised $2,000 of the $20,000 needed. This is pretty much my fault as I just stopped fundraising to give everyone a break including myself.

But, time is of the essence.

I will be sharing lots of goodies you might take home if you donate.

Once we hit another $1000, one person's name will be picked out of a bucket-this time by The Goose [USA only, or you will have to pay shipping]and you will receive this beautiful 20x20 print, signed on the front. Includes a 1" white border.

I am also asking anyone who can do a matching donation to let me know, be it $10 or $1000 or more. It all helps.

The final barn addition will allow better mud and winter management, and safety, for the equine area. It will also allow more hay to be stored in the upper loft, freeing up more space on the ground level. Mud management is essential to foot health, as Paco will tell you who we are still helping resolve his White Line Disease which we are doing well on.

Of course, if you prefer to pay with a check, that is fine, just let me know it is coming and I will add your name to the list of possible print taker-homers.

Fundraising is a challenge and I really appreciate the many people who repeatedly support our efforts! You will be most likely greeted in the after world by old goats, llamas and donkeys.

Donate >

Good Mornin' from Luna!

Her name is Luna

I am naming the older lady "Luna". I think the boy might be Arlo, but not sure.

Inspired by floating llama and grounded ones

"Upside Down World" {available through studio, contact me}

Yesterday this came out of me. I found it so tender, and sat back and felt comfort from it. I still hurt from the loss of Birdie but the life around me carries me on. The new llamas are so very different than Birdie, in every way, color, personality...everything. There are moments that is a sad thing, then I snap out of it, that is most likely Birdie above, or my guides reminding me how lucky I am to be working with all these beautiful creatures everyday!

I was pleased with this too because I captured, if you look closely, the teeth of the old girl [some are suggesting I name her Kukla, which I thought of too, but it doesn't suit her, she is like a gargoyle on a skyscraper and needs something to fit that]. I also caught the tiny wisp of white on the boy's top notch, and his sweet legs with puffy hair and how he stands. It's amazing how they get in you if you have an open door.

I have worked him on the halter daily since his Sunday arrival. Today he showed more 'I am me' attitude but is learning the right distance to stay from me. We also worked on him just standing calmly while I sat a couple feet from him. I worked today on dragging a tarp around with him, to help him be used to odd sounds and sensations. I also took him into the orchard to meet the crippled Misfits, and the goose. The goose came over, the boy put his nose down, the goose got a bit nosey, and bam, he got a cow kick. No harm done. But the goose shows no signs of interest in him which does not surprise me. He has been very happy in the front barn with Tripod and Else, and then can be near Marcella outside during the day.

So, stay tuned as llama Love grows here. It will be some work but if I brought someone here today and sat them on a bench I know the boy could do the job, but we will keep working together to give him confidence and let him grow to partner with me. I don't want to rush him. He has so much to see and learn here.

Two of the new llamas arrive, Birdie On!

First steps into Apifera

We made the long drive on Sunday to bring two of the group of llamas back to Apifera. I will tell you that it was nice to see the Berkshires in the distance, but more than a few times we laughed that we had no idea how we made that 5 day journey three years ago from Oregon and survived! Our older bones were sore!

But it was worth it and the meet up at a designated exit off I 90 went off smoothly.

This is an exciting time for Apifera. After a year and a half of becoming a non profit, I feel so good about how our mission to help animals and elder people is really jelling. We are getting more known, thanks in part to the monthly article I write for the paper, but also because it is a small, vibrant community of people that are interested in what we are doing, and word travels. I feel really good about the coming months and am so excited to get my elders here to meet the new animals.

I have not named them yet. The older female was really loved, and I know the farm thought good and hard about all this. I'm grateful they took so much time to understand my needs. We decided the young male-he is 5 months-would do better with an older llama around, and since she is retired and had her last babies, she became that llama. She is 19. No spring chicken and I really hope she can live another few years at least. Llamas can live well into their 20's but 19 is considered old. Aldo came to us back west at 19 but was not in good shape ad he lived another couple years. This lady is in very good shape, good weight, strong, gentle, good teeth too. Her pastures have fallen, just like with Aldo, but she gets around well. She has this cute front tooth thing going on, like Kukla the puppet.

The little guy is so great! He has hardly been haltered but is doing great with that, and today I did his first bit of lead training. The most crucial part of working with him will also be a challenge-at least initially- and that is not to 'love on him' too much. Obviously, the first thing I wanted to do was hold him like I did Birdie. But because he is an intact male, and can't be gelded until he is at least 1.5 years, he has to be given clear boundaries, for my safety, and his well being. You can find all sorts of stories of people who bring home a cute fluffy camelid, intact, love on it like a puppy and all of a sudden when it gets a bit more mature it begins to act in a dominant way-jumping up, even biting like young males do in a herd. It is a lot like training a young colt, or Maremma. I can pet him, even kiss him every so often, but right now, I am teaching him that I set the boundaries. When we walk, he can not lean into me [like he is in this sweet pic, which he is doing for reassurance]. As much as I'd love him to lean into me, he needs to learn there is a boundary between him and me. It's kind of like a kid that loves to hug, but as he gets older didn't learn that you don't run up and jump into someone's lap without being invited.

At the same time, he needs to be exposed to sounds and situations, and he seems to be a great fit for therapy. I will be challenging him as we go forward, making him go into rooms, across a bridge, over buckets, etc, just to show him I can be trusted and we can go anywhere and be safe.

Having said all that, he has beautiful eyes, and lashes, and adorable legs. His color is like a slate blue. his fiber is gorgeous.

The female is gentle and calm. She is more personable than Aldo was. We did not think she will be a star therapy llama, but you never know. But her role is to relax and retire and be a role model for the little guy.

Then, we are waiting for another of the llamas to have her cria [baby] in late May or June. I hope its a girl! We will be bringing the mother and baby back her a few weeks after she gives birth. As exciting as it was to maybe have a birth here, we all decided it was much better for all concerned, especially the llamas, to have the baby there where she feels safe. Once born, cries and mamas can travel without problems.

When I got to the barn this morning-I had left them inside barn, for safety at this point-I knocked. That amused me-there I was lightly knocking to alert them. All was well and they ate well which is good. It was just so cool seeing llamas in there. I had two sensations-excitement and joy they were there...and the realization Birdie was not. But later, I realized it was meant to be that I found llamas that are dark colored, and so unlike her. Because. That is why, because.

I also had a beautiful moment where I felt Birdie's spirit. After I had walked the young male, I returned to the barn, and decided to turn on some classical music for their first real day at Apifera. They have access to the pasture, but can come into the barn of course. I stood looking out one of the front doors, and could see the two llamas in the distance, and the empty barn in front of me, with the music playing just like it had for Birdie. I felt her spirit, like she was telling me,

"Okay, good first step, keep it up."

Children artists inspired by Birdie...Birdie On!

I shed some happy tears on this. An artist and teacher, Suzie Skugstad, shared these with me. Her class was following the journey of Goose & Llama on IG and they were moved by the story and created clay sculptures.

I was once again blown away with another concrete example of the power of Birdie, and her love..but also, I'm realizing too that it was and is the power of the love Martyn and I gave to try to help her and the energy and determination Birdie gave back that also resonated with readers.

It also reminds me of the importance of my stories, and sharing them, that we learn from them, and are inspired by some or helped by some. Stories have power and depth capable of opening minds and hearts.

Thank you Suzie and please tell the children that there is more llama love coming, and that Birdie knows what they did.

We will Birdie On! Final Barn Addition!

We need to add one final addition to the barn. This addition will house some equines to take pressure off the current equine area. This will not only provide a safer area in the winter [it gets a bit crowded at present in winter, and feeding can be a challenge in winter and rain], it will allow us to manage mud control better in spring, helping equine feet issues which we are experiencing for the first time since having them. And, this addition will provide loft space for 1/2 our hay, meaning the current barn will have freed up space and get hay into lofts versus on the ground/pallets. Martyn and I will be doing a lot of the work on this barn, the ground prep, siding, loft finishing and interior details. We are slated to get going July, and hope to have the frame and trusses up by August. Then Martyn will do the siding before winter.

The addition we did last year became the physical therapy suite for our beloved Birdie the llama, who died after trying so hard for two months to make it. We are so devastated as are many of you that we didn't have a different outcome. But, we learned that that area is necessary to have as an emergency area -now complete with a 500# lift should we ever need it again. I feel Birdie there all the time, and I asked her to find me more llamas [a hard thing in Maine]. I talk to her all the time. I began looking for llamas knowing it would take awhile and that they would be out of state. I didn't want to rush it, but didn't want to wait so long that a whole year went by. Birdie gave me so many things, and one was she taught me what llama love is all about. Well, low and behold, I found a woman through a woman through a woman who is like a mentor to me in my heart and we have brought home an elderly llama, and a young male we have named Arlo who is going to be a wonderful therapy guy-I've been working with him.

When I go into the suite where Birdie and I tried so hard, I feel her smiling, telling me to BIRDIE ON! We are naming that area the Birdie Memorial Llama Love Room. While the llamas will live there, it is also a good gathering spot for events and therapy visits for able bodied people. The wall I put up planning to make it the wall of hope for Birdie, is sitting there blank...but I think that is fitting. It is a clean beautiful white wall, white like Birdie, white like the clouds she floats in, and that wall can be filled with extensions of her-stories that will be coming as we add our next llama family.

It is a whopping $20,000 to get this final addition up. If you are interested in doing a matching donation, let me know.

If you prefer to send a check make it to Apifera Farm Inc.
315 Waldoboro RD, Bremen ME 04551
You will get a receipt immediately after arrival if you send me your email, and a written one too.

Our EIN # 82-2236486