Thursday, January 17, 2013
How to get happy Apifera style
Get a sock, preferably one you have found lying around in someone's shoe or closet that has been worn, preferably worn a lot, perhaps in wet Wellies while mucking stalls so that there is a fair amount of manure smell soaking into the somewhat damp sock.
The sock preparation of this is very important. For one's senses, especially taste and smell, are key factors in obtaining certain free forms of happiness.
First, lie around awhile with the sock firmly in your mouth. Chew it, suck it, toss it up and catch it, chew, and suck again as many times as you feel like. Whatever you do, DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE THE SOCK AT THIS POINT - you must get the sock to maintain an overall slime quality.
Once you have achieved this state of wet slime all over the sock, run up to the nearest person you can find, and shove the wet sock into their clothes or hands. Taunt them. They want that sock badly, but you have it.
Now, wag your butt around and feel your backbone move, and move back and forth. Feel it. Move it. DO NOT STAND STILL!
Now, when you have done this for some time, give your beloved sock to that other person who you originally were taunting it with. Let them see you are a lover, a giver, not a warrior. You would give up your most beloved of all possessions - your wet slimy sock. For while chewing,sucking and throwing a sock in the air make you happy, it is the sharing of that sock without being asked that brings you true happiness.