Apifera Farm - where art, story, animals & woman merge. Home to artist Katherine Dunn

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©Katherine Dunn.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Starting from scratch is just fine with me

From "Itty Bitty & Big Etta"
I've had a recurring conversation with many people who have lost parents, friends, loved ones and animals. It is something that I learned over time, that is the only way I get though losing someone-it is an acquired skill of being a living human...left behind at the party after another departs.

One must find their own unique language with the departed love one. No matter how strong one's personal belief's of an after world, or lack there of, it is very hard as a human to live with out the physical presence of a loved one. All the trappings we latch onto as humans are gone- the voice we reached out to on the phone for laughs, comfort, and advice; the image of a pet at our feet; the reality that an old friend is not going to suddenly appear at your favorite bookstore-it's a cold reality that comes with staying behind in the living world.

I also find, for myself, that this language I must learn with to communicate with each passed creature evolves over time–Like learning any new language, one has to work at adding to the vocabulary.

Dreams are important for me, a way to visit in a more visual way with loved ones who are gone. My parents are often in dreams. Oddly, before they died, I used to dream about dining with them but we were also always looking at empty houses, and I was always thinking in the dream I needed to get back to the farm, and find Martyn. They weren't frightening dreams, but those dreams seem to have subsided. They went on for years though. I now tend to have encounters with my parents in the woods, through the sounds of the leaves, or in a snowfall, a red cardinal, the full moon is always my parents together, the wind is always my father, and my mother comes to me in voice all the time-usually in encouragement, or motherly advice.

This art is from the "Itty Bitty & Big Etta" book. Itty doesn't come to me as much in dreams now as she did when we first moved, but it was always with the same message, that she is where she needs to be to be her true self.

The Kick campaign is winding down, ten days to go and we are only at 44%. I have analyzed it to death, asked questions of past and present backers, and am at peace whatever the outcome is. I'm done analyzing it. I just want to work again so am focusing on my studio. Marketing these campaigns is not for the shy-one has to keep asking followers to pledge, and as one successful Kickstarter campaigner told me years ago-you will lose some fans because of it, but will gain others. That seems to be true.

My life is shifting. It appears some followers weren't willing to make the shift. And that's okay. But I'm going forward. I have lots of ideas for shuffling the blog around, how I use social media [I failed last month at deleting my Facebook profile, but I have some new ideas on that for the coming weeks] and what work I want to generate in coming months-including my sewn creatures, and the novel idea I keep procrastinating on.

I'm starting from scratch. I finally figured that out.

I'm rebuilding my intentions. It meant letting go of some things, and some followers.

"Soon or later it all gets real, walk on." {Neil Young}