Weekly ear meeting

While I'm never officially invited to the Thursday morning ear meetings, I do sometimes over hear the agenda. Today I heard some whispering about 'candy corn protocol' and 'gum remover'.

Ode to a cow

I just added this new painting for sale over at Apifera-a-Day.Our farm used to be a 100 acre dairy, years ago. That means there a lot of milk cows that were born and died on our land. I love cows. I really want one, but have resisted as milking is another 2x chore that adds to my diversion schedule. Plus, where you have one cow, you need two cows.

Anyway, I did this in honor of a cow I knew that died. Cow heaven does exist. It floats right above the barn here. I've seen it, but only when the perfect mix of weather conditions come together. Clover floats there too, and milk is served by bluebirds in frosty glasses to the cows.

I'm adding almost daily to Apifera-a-Day.

Read a little, eat a little

I had fun doing a series of about 20 b/w spot illustrations for a wonderful little food and literary publication, Alimentum. This food journal, printed 2x annually, is beautifully produced as labor of love, and features fiction and poetry related to food and cooking. If you are a foodie, and a reader, I suggest you visit their site and consider ordering a copy or two. They would make wonderful gifts for the cook in your life. I think my work will be in the Winter issue.

I always say that eggs are really a perfect food. What food when left in the roost can actually turn into an animal, but if taken from the roost can become a fritatta, or mixed into batter to make a cake. Eggs come with their own suitcase too.

Coming soon: Paco learns to say good bye to the giant pumpkins he's helped raise.

Keeping calm

It's really easy to be scared right now, isn't it? Uneasy, unsure. Wary. Weighted down with thoughts, of "what if?".

Oddly, I am pretty calm. I've weathered enough since going freelance in 1996 that I know it will be ok. It's always darkest before the dawn. This is a correction of greed. Sadly, many innocents are hurt.

So there is only one thing I can do. Look up. Keep making art. Focus on the now, the moment, and see hope in a new kind of future. I'm not a religious person but I have a firm belief in myself, and the higher strengths that comfort and guide me. I believe that working in the land and with my animals, as well as painting,is an open ended prayer to a higher entity. But lately, I have awoken around 3 am, somewhat restless, and I have taken to saying prayers in my head: wisdom for the masses to vote, wisdom to the world leaders, safety for Obama from the cynical machines, and prayers for new opportunities and projects for my art. Yesterday I took sometime at lunch to enjoy the warm day, beautiful day, to make a small prayer flag. It sounds so simple, but even in scary times, it is a choice to look up and sing a song. The song might not last all day, but it will keep coming back, if you bring it back.

I've always been an optimist, my father once said. No reason to stop now.
I painted this piece a few days ago. Called "And then the wind blew in", it is full of many things. You can make your own symbols, but it pleases me when I look at it. a few days ago. Called "And then the wind blew in", it is full of many things. You can make your own symbols, but it pleases me when I look at it.

New ideas and inspiration!

A quick update - I'm pretty excited. Emma has followed Donkey Dreams, our farm and my art and is also a hospice worker here in a large, well known, health care organization in Oregon. She came to our summer Pie Day, and we promised to re-connect and brainstorm about ways to develop Donkey Dreams.

My initial idea of bringing the sick and dying to the farm, via their hospice workers, was well intentioned, but not very practical. And the families caring for dying or sick are not going to put a donkey therapy session on their list of things that might help them or their loved ones. In fact, it might be an insult to someone to be invited to a donkey pie day for a day of relaxation. Seeing my mom go through hospice while my father died at home brought this home to me.

But, honoring the hospice workers is a wonderful, wonderful idea! Emma shared some of her thoughts and experiences as a hospice worker, and how one is so busy care taking, there is little room for debriefing, re-energizing the heart and grieving for their own clients. Their grief and stress builds up. We thought a day to celebrate the care they give to others, as well as recognizing their former and current clients, would help them on many levels.

So, I will begin to write an outline for a 'support and healing event' here at Apifera with our Donkey Dreams. I'm thinking it will be in summer or early fall '09. I have many ideas brimming in my head! This event might also benefit children and adults that are going through post-death grieving of a loved one, as Emma's hospice group often works with the Dougy Center, a national organization that provides grief support for children and teens.

I hadn't thought about giving donkey and farm therapy to the caregivers, and now, it seems so wonderful, and right, and obvious. Thank you, Emma!! This is a first step for me to build trust and a working relationship with these hospice caregivers at this organization. Stay tuned. It will take some time, but I must remember, donkeys do everything very s...l...o...w...l...y.

Sexual healing

In which Chickweed finally gets the girl, but the barnyard is in chaos....


After three years of building giant amounts of testosterone, Chickweed now has relief...I think. When we had our first lamb crop in '05, we had 90% rams. I saved most of them, thinking I could sell them as breeding stock. This of course was my way of not killing them, and I learned a valuable lesson on proper culling. One does not need three rams -that's 3 pairs of testicles the size of eggplants [no exaggeration for you non sheep people. ] We do keep two unrelated rams, as I choose to breed them in on-off years to keep the line fresh. Many breeders keep one ram, and sell him after two years and get a ram that is not related. Otherwise, "you'll end up with five headed sheep without teeth"as one breeder told me.


So, after selling more than 5 rams, Chickweed was and is left behind. I never understood why - he is charming fellow, and mellow which is nice for the shepherd. He wasn't any smaller than some of the other rams. So, I decided to prove him this season, ie show the ladies what he's got. While this is good news for Chickweed, it meant I had to provide three separate areas for three separate rams to hang with their girls. And provide another area where the young yearlings run who are not ready for breeding.

In other words, chaos in the barnyard. I hate breaking up the ewe flock. It creates 2 or 3 days of constant sheep bleating. And they have to live with their prospective rammers 24/7 for 30 days. On top of it, I put Rosie and Daisy in with Joe Pye, who shares his quarters with the Boer goats, Stella and Iris. Stella is the herd boss, so she spent a good day defending the hay area. Meanwhile the rams run around curling their lips in sexual anticipation and peeing all over - another sexual turn on for sheep. It's right out of a Barry White song.

The first year we bred Joe Pye Weed, we never saw him 'do it' with the ladies. In 30 days, not one mounting. But we had twins out of everyone. Mr. T on the other hand gets right to business. Now Chickweed, I am a bit worried about him. He is so mellow, and I only have one yearling ewe in with him just to see how he does. I thought he'd rush in there and go right to business, but he barely introduced himself. He was polite, not pushy like the other rams. Perhaps he prefers the comfort of the stall at night, when it's just him and Blue, alone together as virgins, under a tin roof with rain falling. I knew of a ram that had 40 ewes to service and they didn't get one lamb! I joked with them that '"That's what you get when you name a ram 'Lancelot'", he has a confused sexual identity. We name our rams after weeds, and I thought Chickweed, plentiful here, had a funny connotation, but perhaps it tainted his manliness.

I'll be glad when November 3rd is here, and all the girls are back together and rams are all back together. One slight adjustment in the barnyard creates such chaos. I did have a moment where I thought, "I can't wait to see what we get in the spring." Lambing season is always different every year, but the anticipation is palpable every spring, much like the return of the Western Tanagers, or the tulips.

Sent by a Pino supporter

One of the generous sewers that made aprons for Pino's big pie day this summer, sent me this fun picture from New Jersey. She saw this food grill and she and her kids were reminded of how much fun they had making aprons for Pino.

How sweet! Pino had heard of pizza pie shops, and thought this might be a sideline someday. Thank you, Scrappy, for remembering us, and for your aprons.

Full week, good things

It's been an intense week mixed with economic crisis and political theatrics and topped off with a case of poison oak. The rains came on Thursday, a relief, but it's amazing how you forget just how wet you get in one outing to the barn in the middle of a soaker. Still, I welcomed the smells of wet donkey and sheep hair and the way Boone smells even more like a horse in the dampness. My braids are clumpier in winter and I get to switch to my fall and winter hats.

I'm fortunate to be working happily on three private commissions this month from repeat collectors. Very fortunate. My newly sheet-rocked studio with white walls and new furniture arrangement is more open, and bright, and has me so happy. I'm just pleased every time I'm in it[Let's all say "Thank you, Martyn"]. I've even been dancing and doing some air guitar shows with Huck. That's a good sign my juices are flowing properly. I feel really 'full' of both self love and respect for my life, but also full of ideas.

The end of the week brought a visit from some artists who were teaching at the Portland Art and Soul event, an annual teaching extravaganza of artists from all over the nation. An artist requested way back in March if she and 2 friends could come meet me and see the studio and the farm. I get many requests from people, and I'm really touched people want to come out and meet me. I have to turn down a lot of requests, or be non-committal,just because one has to make choices of what energies can be diverted from art and farm. So please don't be hurt or insulted if I turn down your requests. But I'm really happy I was able to meet Tracie from Kansas. It was good to meet other artists, talk shop, talk love of lifestyle, laugh, and of course introduce them to the animals. Thank you for coming, Tracie, Marylin, and Jan. Your enthusiasm was so nice, and refreshing as was your apple butter and poetry book. And your generous comments soaked into me. You reminded me that this life I'm in is so.....mine. The One Eyed Pug got a lot of attention, and even passed gas for you,a good sign.

Next post....the sexual tension in Chickweed's 3 years of life comes to an end. Stay tuned.

Survival Tip #3

Survival Tip #2

So far, we have survived the first morning of hunting season. We are so grateful for Paco. He is preparing buckets for the flock.

Life with a goat 101

Buy a whole bunch of pasture fence. Make sure it's 5' tall or higher. Spend your whole weekend getting it up. Run electric wire on the top of the fence and the bottom of the fence.

Put goat in the fenced pasture. Explain to her that this is her side, and over there, that is your side. Explain to her that her side has electrical currents.

You are now tired. Get a lawn chair. Make a good sandwich, preferably with home grown tomatoes and good bread.

Refrain from alcohol at this stage. Sit in your lawn chair and enjoy your sandwich.
As you chew, notice the goat roaming in the nicely fenced pasture you made just for her. Call out to her,"Hello Stella! I see you!" Enjoy the sweet sounds of the goat calling back to you in goat bleeps. I will translate: "Hello! I see you too! What are you eating? You are so close, I can smell the bread! I love bread. Must have bread. I'll be right there! OH! Ouch! electric current, no problem, it's over now. There, here I am, I will join you and your sandwich."

Say nice things to the goat, then lead her back to the pasture with a bit of the bread. Ask her if she learned that touching the electric fence has consequences.
Return to your lawn chair. Notice now there are foot steps behind you. "Hello! I'm right here with you again!"

Try to refrain from yelling. Take your half eaten sandwich, forget about the lawn chair, and walk back to the goat pasture with your goat. Find a good rock to sit on. Sit and share the rest of your sandwich with your goat.

Survival Tip #1

Being a little worry wort, Paco not only has to worry about his giant pumpkin, but he now has to worry about hunting season. Fortunately, he didn't witness the bow incident last week, but he has heard the target shooting all over the coast range. Tomorrow being hunting opener, I suggested he try to channel his worries into ideas and drawings to share with others who might fear hunting season.

Frivolity

Is that a word, frivolity? It just seems to describe this recent piece I did for the Bark magazine, a great dog zine. It's a gift card for subscribers to send to friends. They wanted an every day, non-breed specific dog, festive without screaming 'Christmas'. I had much fun doing it, and the curtains and colors pleased me. There's definitely a little of my old friend Louie in that little fellow. Now go subscribe to the Bark, it's a fun read and they are avid buyers of good illustration.

I have to run, we are dragging extension cords out to the barnyard and rigging up an old b/w television. Pino wants to watch The Big Ear One Who Speaks Calmly debate the Grey Back Who Lacks Wrinkles. Apples, figs and crostinis will be served.

For him

I painted this yesterday in homage to our fallen friend. I felt peaceful and intent painting it, and more peaceful afterwards.

I was thinking how the land has seen many fall on it, blood runs deep under the ground on any farm. I am unclear as to the symbolism of the saddle like pattern I felt compelled to place on the deer. But it was necessary.

It was nice of many to comment, and email thoughts. Thank you.

Trauma at Apifera

In which a deer suffers greatly, as does a woman.

I walked back from the barn last night after feedings and noticed a white car by the river road. Our property sits on a hill, making road activities noticeable. I didn't think much of it, but took notice of three unknown men in the neighbor field. It seemed odd. When Martyn arrived home 30 minutes later, I asked if the white car was still on the road, as I was wondering what they were doing. He changed the subject, and, as our conversation is often jumbled at night, I again didn't pay much attention.

Little did I know they were tracking a wounded animal, a yearling 2 point buck that they had hit a mile and half away, across the river. It's bow season. They had approached Martyn as he was entering the drive, telling him they were following a blood trail.Knowing me as he does, Martyn kept this information from me when he entered the house, but when the white car suddenly appeared at our front drive, and three unknown men got out, I said, "What is going on?". Martyn rushed out, ' I'll take care of this."

They spoke some words, and the men got back in his car, and Martyn followed them back down . At this point, I looked out, and saw a young buck leap the fence and enter our front ram field, about 200 feet from me. He was clearly bleeding at the mouth, but had managed to jump the fence, and was headed towards the old barn, the normal path the deer take up into the woods of our property. The rams and sheep stood still, watching. The buck made it another 300 feet and was near the old barn. He was clearly dying, slowly. And this is the point where I can see his face so clearly, and his expression, his stance. He was about 50 feet from me. He was still standing, but wobbly. I stood still watching, but physically upset. He looked at me so intensely, and then collapsed. But he was not dead. Martyn had returned, and had left the hunters at the road, wanting to assess the situation before letting them come on our property and enter our fields. He gathered the rams in, and I went to assess the buck. He was struggling to breath, blood was pumping out his mouth. I was only 15 feet away. I could hear the gurgling in his lungs, he was drowning in blood. The blood was so thick and the color of movie blood. He finally let his neck collapse, and I told him to let go. But he couldn't, yet.

Martyn came and forced me away, and said we had to let them come finish the job of a badly placed arrow. I was livid. I returned to the house, and Martyn went to tell the hunters to come up and finish the job. By the time they returned, he was dead. What really gripes me is one of the hunters had said to Martyn, 'Once they go down, they're basically dead." Not true. That animal was shot around 5 pm, or earlier. He crossed a river and found his way to the deer path he had taken many times. He came on our property at 7pm. He suffered a long time. He suffocated slowly. He died completely in stress.

What upsets me most is I did not have the skills, or tools, to help him on his way. He came to our refuge, and I could have made it easier for him. I failed miserably as a steward. Not only that, but I was not calm. I was crying as I sat near him, asking him to let go. I added more stress to his death. I never want to be in a position where I can't help an animal out of it's misery again, quickly. I will consult my vets, and some hunter friends, and I will learn to shoot a gun. If this seems shocking for those that know my sensitive side, I can only tell you, my sensitive side is what propels me to learn this skill. It's the responsible thing to do.

I am not necessarily opposed to hunting. But I am opposed to bow hunting. I seriously doubt there are too many skilled bow hunters that can place a bow in an animal to cause it to die right away. Elk have been known to walk for days, slowly dying of blood poisoning. While the hunters did follow the law - they were hunting with approval of the landowner, I assume they had a permit, it is bow season, and they did ask Martyn for permission to come on our property, I do wonder if the event had an effect on them. They knew it caused great trauma to me, and when they said to Martyn that next time they would be more careful, Martyn made it clear, "there would be 'no next time on this property". I don't care what they think of me. I care what the animal felt, and what I felt, when suffering was presented to me.

Back at the house, I couldn't get the color of blood out of my head. I cried on and off - watching the economic and McShame news didn't help. We finally turned on "Grumpy Old Men" which made me laugh. But even there, the two old codgers are hunting a giant fish. They put it back after catching it - if only it could be like that in real life.

The idea that the young buck had actually come here to find a safe haven to die in, may seem like wishful thinking. Oddly it is an underlying theme in the first novel I have started writing. Did I create the storyline and it came to be, or did I only see the storyline in real life because I want it so much to be true? I choose to believe there is an understanding of what our land is for creatures near and far. If that means looking like a fool around neighboring hunters, so be it.

I slept poorly. By dawn, I could hear Boone out in the pasture, snorting and eating. I wanted to rush out and put him in a stall, forever away from stray arrows. But just as that unrealistic thought entered my head, Martyn rolled over in his sleep and put his arm around me, and Big Tony pushed his paws into me.

Simple sightings bring pleasure

Simple pleasures are abundant anywhere, and this season there is so much that feels juicy to the soul. Certain things bring back times of pleasure, or safety. These sunflowers greet me every morning, and lift me up in tiny seconds through out the day. How can one not hear them, "Hello there! I'm here and shining, do you feel me?"

I wish I could take credit for raising these beauties. Martyn and I went to a special event this weekend at the Portland Flower Market, the wholesale floral market for all of Portland. We are now members and have a booth there, which Martyn oversees during the week. One of the growers there, The Sunflower Kid, grows quantities of these giants, along with other fresh cut varieties. So I brought two bundles home, and ever time I look at them I feel ...so...satisfied.

Other bounties are arriving. Our little apple trees have giant fruit on them - their young tiny branches drooping as they are full of their offspring. Boone is relegated to taste the first harvest. Our little Asian pear tree too is full. We have one pear, and already ate the one plum of our other fl edging trees. I know someday I'll be sitting around, and it will dawn on me, 'Wow, I remember years ago when we planted these, they were so small..." Autumn brings out nostalgia of many kinds I find. It is my favorite season, but it is also the season I am at my most sensitive. This is not a negative thing. Channeling sensitivity into my art brings good things.

It's just there aren't enough hours in the day. Another feeling brought on by fall for me is the sense I must do many things, create many things, as my life is a gift, and it will not last forever. It is always a shock, to really grasp I will not live forever.

Paco's Pumpkin

In which you learn about Jimmy the mouse lord, and perhaps feel enticed to enter Paco's art raffle.Enter as many $5 quantites as you'd like. Enter by October 5th.

In case you thought I was just making it all up, I took this picture this morning of Paco guarding his giant pumpkin. For those of you who loyally follow my blog, you know that little Paco is a grumpy creature with a good heart, but with a tendency to over-guard everything that moves - that includes leaves and hoses. I have also been accused of giving too much attention to Pino. This of course is not true. Paco has no desire to be in the spotlight and press. He just wants something important to guard. So this year his wish came true when I planted these giant pumpkins just for him.

As I explained to Paco, and I will explain here for you, the giant pumpkins were created by a mouse lord way back before, well I don't know when. It was a long time ago. The mouse Lord, named Jimmy, bred the giant pumpkins for geodesic home domes for his colony of mice, of which there were thousands. Mice workers would tunnel in and carve out the giant orb, creating a perfect winter home for a large family of rodents. Mice prefer round objects to anything with sharp angles, allowing them to pile together in a natural ball form.

So I told Paco we must guard these giant orange creatures until the descendants of Jimmy [thought to have lived in the Northwest in his final years of life] take over.

Paco did not show any emotion when I declared him Pumpkin Guard - not his fashion to show any kind of joy. He simply asked where I would plant the pumpkins. When I told him the 'black gold' pile - years of horse and sheep manure all composting into rich, black 'gold' - he did seem to show a glint in his eye. For the black gold pile is where the donkeys are often found rolling and sunning in leisure hours.

As Paco's pumpkin has grown, he has taken his duties even more seriously. During day hours when the donkeys are in the lower sheep field, Paco has relegated Ward Schumacher the rooster to guarding the pumpkin. So fitting, what could be prettier, that red comb against the orange body. I sense a real pride in Paco when he sits near his pumpkin. Like many things we raise here, I remind Paco on a regular basis that this pumpkin is not ours to keep, we are just caretakers.
Still, I can see him slowly getting attached not only to the orange creature, but also to the feeling of duty that comes with guarding it.

So, I will buy some wood and such and build a special guard hut for Paco. We will place special items in the hut, and tell Paco they are his forever, to guard. I am not telling him until it is all done. It will only cause him worry. And he needs to focus on his pumpkin duties.

Pino's concern for elephants

Pino participated in the new blog which encourages animals to give their feelings, concerns and opinions, if any, on the political turmoil of the season. He is joined by many others, including the pug whose fear of baths brings him concerns about waterboarding techniques. A light hearted way to let some steam off for all creatures, so give your animal friend computer priviledges for a few minutes [risky I know - once they know your passwords it's all over].

Always

In which a song is heard, at the same time the sky speaks...

I was watching you, from above, long before life there was love

See those little girls dressed like China dolls, all for one, then one by one they fall
high on a hill where the world passes by
you never came back but I know you tried.

'Cause I was watching you from above, when it all falls apart there is love.

All these years to prove how much I care
I didn't know it but you were always there, until September when you slipped away
in the middle of my life on the longest day
and I hear you say

I'll be watching you from above
'cause long after life there is love...© R.Cash

The little worrier

What's going on in the little head? How are his thoughts constructed - in shapes and senses strung together like a little movie? Perhaps, just as we ramble on in our heads in full sentences, he rambles on in his own thoughts, only in brays, and snorts, and hoof scratching strung together in a symbolic code of donkey language. I am still learning the symbols, and hope to someday write a dictionary of donkey sign language for human observers.

So while I can't write the donkey symbols in his head, I can try to translate it here into human language. I know Paco quite well. He is a worrier, he is insecure. He can't quite get used to the idea he is safe here. He is the kid in the school yard who is invited on the team at recess, but insists on keeping the ball all to himself, because he just knows he'll never get it again.

So I imagine his conversation to himself in this picture might go like this: "I see them over there. Together. I see them. They have my hay. I ate the hay first. Now they are eating the hay. I need to go over there. They need commands. They don't know how to do it without me. They are always together. I need to make sure everything is properly done, like I do it. I'm worried about the hay. What's that noise now? It's a chicken. The chicken is in the hay. It's my hay. I hate the chicken being in my hay. I have to go there now. I'm worried."

Each night, I spend time hugging and grooming the donkeys. Even then, the chatter in little Paco's head can be felt. He feels he must dominate the herd even in a time of relaxation. I work with him to show him I am the herd boss, hoping someday he will see he doesn't have to be the boss of all. It's a lot of pressure on an animal to feel he needs to be in charge of everything. That is why I gave Paco pumpkin duties this year. I will write about that in the next post.

Magic can now be mailed

I have opened a side arm to this blog called "An Apifera-a-Day" which will offer hand made items and hand picked items from our farm. It might be a collage, a sculpture, a folk doll...a wrench, a wheelbarrow of chickens. I've also been wanting to do something with the many photographs I take, so am selling archival sepia printed photos.

There are a lot of bloggers doing one-a-day art, one-a-day poems, etc, so I thought, I can share things that are bathed in Apifera energy. Many people who visit speak of the energy of our farm being soothing and kind. I feel that way about it. So An Apifera-a-Day will give you a chance to have some of this energy, like a vitamin. Maybe I'm nuts, but it's my response to the new Palin doll that just hit stores, made in China I'm sure.

The online art store will remain up for higher end art pieces [and of course Pino's Apron Gallery]. I will have art on Apifera-a-Day, but I'd like to keep it farm related, and in the $25-$250 range.

It will keep my wheels turning. Like, how can I turn these crushed donkey droppings into something? So bookmark it, you never know what will strike your fancy.

Elusive mama

The ever elusive Mama Kitty, mother to 75% of Apifera's cats, is next to impossible to catch on camera. This photo then is fitting. She is such a beauty. But as I have written before, one can not touch her. The closest I came in 4+ years was to touch her nose. Still, she now hangs out at least and doesn't run. She still waits for me to leave the deck before she joins Little Orange, Plum and BW for dinner. The sweetest thing is Mama Kitty and Big Tony, once lovers, still rendez-vous in the morning sun, and again after dark. Mama doesn't play like the other cats, but when she is on a date with Tony, usually in the front driveway where there is plenty of dust to roll in, she flirts with her tail and her squeaks. I try to give them privacy and not watch any further. Fixed or not, lovers deserve their time.

I do feel like the original ferels are starting to lose steam. They are 5 years old now, so Mama must be 7 or more. I'm glad I could give them more than the one year most ferels will live. Still, it saddens me to think of the day when they will be gone. It will be a new era, and I suppose there will always be cats coming and going to the land of Apifera.

Nature's cover

I was thinking while picking vegetables tonight, how nature so wisely protects the bounty of each plant from large predators. I thought there were no zucchini [impossible!], but there hidden cleverly under green leaves, was a green zucchini. And the beans are so deceptive as they hang amongst their green hair, and green legs and arms. Tomatoes stick out wonderfully, like a red bird on a green tree [oh I miss the red cardinals of the Midwest], but then, animals don't eat them - except for Billy, he loves them.

We humans, no cover there. We walk the earth with faces exposed, ears sticking out and all perfumed up with soaps and shampoos attracting every predator in the area. Perhaps our only cover from such predators are hidden thoughts, disingenuous smiles, and eyes looking down as we walk.

One eye stroll

The veterinarian who recently purchased one of the animal prints, liked this new portfolio piece I just did so she purchased a print for her office. As a vet who specializes in eye issues, she loved the idea of a one eyed pug still having an enjoyable life. I wanted it to be bright and cheery,appealing to both child and adult.

And the little one eyed pug does have an enjoyable life. He has been gorging on fresh hand picked cherry tomatoes. He loves those darn tomatoes. Perhaps anything bulbous and round brings him comfort, like the full moon.

Just say no, Joe

Please visit the Donkey Dream blog to read about a wonderful therapy visit we had with Nuansi, who is challenged by apraxia and aphasia of speech. As you will read in my entry, Nuansi was able to have a reciprocal encounter with this sensitive little creature, without words.

I needed a bit of my own donkey therapy this morning after suffering through a certain speech by a certain governor of a certain state way up north, where, I guess, some people believe Polar Bears are not effected by global warning, and young teens aren't given adequate, oh excuse, aren't given ANY education about sex, but are told to abstain from those longings of the loins. Perhaps I will try this on the farm: "Joe Pye Weed, ignore your testicles brimming with hormones, go not forth to that ewe, for I have not married you together, and you must be brave and noble, and like them, you must simply abstain." And even though we are solidly behind the Democratic ticket we will vote for in November, I just wish I'd known that I could have run - I mean, I was a block leader one or two years in my old neighborhood. Martyn would have been a perfect VP pick for me- shoring up the white male fishing vote. And while I've never skinned a mule, or shot a gun, I've banded a ram testicle.

So all the groaning and shouting I did at the TV had me exhausted, and quite depressed. Obviously the cynicism of last's nights farce has left a bit of cynicism in my hand. I apologize, dear readers, as I do not use my blog for political rants. To cleanse myself, I took time this morning to sit amongst the donks, as they bathed in the fall morning sun. Pino was not concerned. Do you know, I felt so upset about world affairs, that, I confess, I shed a small tear or two on Pino's mane as I held him. I held him hard, and heard his breathing. And then he transmitted a message to me...it wasn't a sound, it was a group of letters that formed in my head as I hugged my donkey......o b a m a

Communicating without words

Pino recently had very special guests. Nuansi and her twin sister Ganjana [and wonderful artist friend Holly who took pictures] were making a long coastal trip down from Seattle. On their way home, they emailed and asked to visit for a Therapy Day. The twin sisters are film makers and artists and Nuansi is challenged by Aphasia & Speech Apraxia, which makes it difficult to speak. She uses short phrases with significant words, making it difficult to understand her, and for her to express herself. In addition, she has limited control of her voice box, making her voice unclear and difficult to hear.



What is so charming though, is Nuansi got out of the car with a huge smile, and continued smiling the whole time here. Her heart is huge, as is her sister's - this is further exemplified by the fact the two sisters traveled to Cambodia [with Holly] and along with 20 volunteers built 10 houses for a village. They have a made a short film of this effort, and left me a copy. It is a heartwarming, gentle look at a gentle country, torn up by genocide and poverty. I was very moved by it, and encourage anyone to purchase it. I really didn't know much about what the country looked or felt like, and I came away with a sense of that.

Nuansi also uses drawing as a way to communicate. She showed me some little sketches, maps really, of the places they'd been on their Oregon coastal journey. And she sent this one to me today. I am so pleased that she notes her day at our farm as 'best voice day'.All three artists took time to bring their sketchbooks into my studio and we shared as artists, which is always special.

I was also so amused that when they asked to have a Pino Therapy Day, they also requested to meet Ward Shumacher the rooster! Ward was honored! And of course, as you can see, Frankie the pygmy partook.

Pino once again showed his intuition. While Martyn and I gathered our three guests around all three donkeys, it was Pino that leaned into Nuansi. I really felt, I know, he sensed her communicating in unspoken ways. He did not need clear speech from Nuansi. Oddly, the night before their visit, I had watched a PBS show on using dolphins and horses to help a variety of speech challenged people. I had not opened my mind up to reaching out to this group of people, and I felt Nuansi's visit was a gift, and a nudge. Allowing such children and people to hug a donkey allows them to feel as a whole communicator, with or without words. It is the heart these animals sense. Pino senses fear in you, sadness in you, anger in you and calm and joy in you.

These are the kind of visits that make me feel good about Donkey Dreams. Thank you, Nuansi, Ganjana and Holly for writing us and opening your world to us.

Consequences of rooster love

While Papa Roo remains as the head rooster of the hen house, Ward has crossed the line into 'pampered adult cockerel". As one crosses the line from 'owning' a rooster, to 'loving' a rooster, there are consequences. Ever since Ward's battle with Papa Roo, brought on by Ward having blatant chicken sex with one of Papa's hens, I must now separate Ward out at night from the hen house clan. Ward has it pretty good - a 12' stall in the sheep barn, complete with windows. Since Ward really isn't part of the Papa Roo flock, he has developed a flock of his own - consisting of the barn cats, Frankie, and the donkeys. Ward even does the classic rooster dance around Frankie in the morning [roosters do a funny circle dance around their hens, to announce to everyone, "Hey, this is my lady, hands off."].

Nightly feedings have become complicated, as Ward wants to partake in not only the barn cat dinner, but also the sheep and donkey repasts. If getting a two year old to bed is hard, just try a rooster on a nice evening who thinks he's a cat, or sheep, or a donkey. Every night, I prepare strategies to win the game of "Pretend I'm Not Trying to Catch Ward". Now in the dark, or subdued light, catching Ward is easy. But free roaming Ward, enjoying the cool late summer sunset, is a different game entirely. Ward has a variety of moves to put the NFL on watch. Some nights, I confess, I have let him roost with the cats in the hay bales. I don't like to do this, fearing the barn owl will get him, but at a certain point after a long day, catching a rooster, even a loved rooster, loses it's appeal.

Yes, I love the damn rooster. Holding Ward when I do catch him, is very nice. Each sound he makes is an individual code or word. He likes to have his claws supported, and his ear flap rubbed make his eyes shut. I have learned that while sitting holding a rooster, rubbing his head and eyes brings him to a comatose state of relaxation - to the point that he can feel so relaxed that he ...well, let's just say I've learned to strategically locate his rooster rear so as not to promote droppings on my pants. [Another reason aprons come in handy].

I will continue to love Ward, and I will not cull him out of our farm. He will never be a stew. Silly as it is, his charm brightens my day.

Night swimming

I did two pieces after reading a story about a woman who disappears after swimming in the ocean under a full moon.

I love water, I love to swim. But not in the ocean, ever, never. Nor big lakes. My river I can handle as I can see the earth at my feet. I've always been drawn to the water, but my worst nightmare would be being in it at night, alone. I love the colors of these two pieces.

Now, I must run. I have to get to the feed store - it's worming weekend at the farm! The fall weather is coming, and there are many things to get done before the winter rains come.

Next week, stay tuned, as I have put Paco Giovanetti in charge of the giant pumpkin we are growing. Paco is so grumpy, but very good at guarding, so I thought he would be the best one to guard the magic pumpkin. I'm also hoping it will keep him from mounting little Lucia. Paco is the grumpiest donkey I know, and I'm not going to try to change that. But if he can take charge of a giant, magic pumpkin, perhaps it will help him to be less of a sourpuss. Sourpuss or not, he is loved.

New gallery work

I've been working on some new gallery pieces. Some are acrylic on heavy paper, and some I'm drawing with pastel and pencil, some acrylic, directly onto archival prints of my abstracts. These are online now, and for sale I might add.

I'm starting some new illustration portfolio pieces today. I've put so much energy into my illustration portfolio this past year, and with my new reps, I feel really good about the direction I'm going. Someone recently said to me, 'You never seem to be down about your work...'. Ah, well, so not true. I actually do get quite hurt, not for me, but for my work, when I see other illustrators getting juicy jobs. It's like my work is an actually being, and I want it to get noticed. It's probably how a mother must feel when she sends her 10 year old off to school on the first fall day of the semester - you want everyone you know to understand the qualities of that creature, and see how wonderful they are.

When I look through my online illustration portfolio, I really like it. When I look at work of other illustrators I admire, I feel inspired to do more, be better, learn, expand, try. But I can't lie, sometimes, I get really down, and I question why I'm not hired for a job when someone else is. I wonder if anyone is out there. August can be brutal on one's artistic ego. A lot of it is I took a brief hiatus in the last couple years from promoting my illustration so I could focus on the move and the farm and gallery work. It takes time to re-build, re-focus, and I feel my work is so much stronger than it was in 1996, or even 2005. I'm so lucky to have been picked up by Morgan Gaynin. And I get very cranky when I do see illustrators that are very busy complaining about it on their blogs - um, you know the Apifera code - 'no time for whining'.

I'm a grounded old gal. But when you work alone all day on your art, no matter how confidant, or happy you are, it can feel really frustrating when the phone's not ringing. I've been a full time freelancer since 1996, and I've learned to keep going through the slow times, and focus on the fact that this is what I want to do in life. I've never thought otherwise. I've also learned that when it is slow with 'real' jobs, there are things percolating job-and-art wise that I don't even know about.

Letters to Pino

We recieved this fenerous letter from someone and wanted to share it...

Dear Pino and Katherine:

Hello! My name is Delisa, I am 45 years old and I live in the small town of Ellabell in south east Georgia. I came across your delightful story in Somerset Life magazine. It is so beautiful and inspiring! I loved all the pictures and your website too.

My husband came home this evening after an especially difficult day at work and I read him your story. He laid back and listened with his eyes closed, his breathing relaxed and soon the tired lines around his mouth softened and gave way to a calm sweet smile.

I suffer from some health conditions that have left me with chronic pain. Some days I am able to get around better than others. Some days, I am able to walk, other days I must use a cane or wheelchair. I have a golden retriever named Barkley who is my dearest animal friend. We spend the days together and he is always there with his playful spirit, unconditional love and reassurance. Like you Pino, he has a happy and calming effect on everyone he meets!

Thank you for your endearing story. My husband and I felt so uplifted. It is hard to explain exactly, but it really touched us and made me feel more in tune with what I love and enjoy than I have in awhile. I will think of cherry pies and daisy painted hooves in the days to come with sparkly eyes and a smile. My heart will gently jump and I will find myself humming for no particular reason. I hope you two will have a wonderful week ahead.

With Love,

Delisa

"Did she say 'blackberries?'"

I will paint this morning and into the afternoon, but then I will take a break and gather the donkeys in the field. "Line up, quality control will now begin!"
Pino tests one berry for ripeness, then Lucia gives her opinion on tartness, and finally Paco rates texture. I follow up with overall sensuality of the berry.

Last year I gathered so many berries I made blackberry breads and cobblers through July. You know the berries are entering into their ripe stage when all the animals
come to the barn at night with red juice stained noses. The white headed Boer goats are the funniest, as they will climb up into the bramble, and end up with purple spots all over their bodies.

Feeding a blackberry to Pino is one of my many farm delights this month. He takes the berry, tucks it in his mouth, takes a tiny 'suck', then s...l...o...w..l..y chews, very carefully, very deliberately.He moves not one muscle of his body, but focuses solely on that one berry in his mouth. Would we all focus on each bite, how the world would slow a bit, how we would all take notice of so many more subtle nuances of nature's bounty.

The bounties of the vegetable garden are coming full force now. We are very fortunate to have space to grow food. Next week, our lamb meat will be ready for pickup. We increased our hanging weights [this is the weight of the actual carcass by 5-10 pounds this year. I'm so proud of our boys. And Mr. T, as his genes helped too. It will feed us through the year.. We will be eating our own land, so to speak.

The story of the Giant One

In which Billy Baker the one eyed pug shares a secret of his breed, knowing the audience is open to the many mysteries of the universe, or at least not judgmental.

As a young pup I knew my daily life was unique, as I could see much more like a fly. While I was often ridiculed by even the best of friends, I just got used to the stupid comments. People are much worse than the creatures with what they think are humorous pokes at my facial look. "Did you run into a wall?", they'd asked, in that baby talk voice they use on their own fledglings. I got so tired of it. At some point, I just couldn't stand it, and I took to passing gas, silently of course, if they told a joke about my face.

I lived just fine for many years with my over weight eyeballs, until one day, while living in the presence of the chocolate lab named after a pie, I was partaking in a good game of 'run around the tree really fast". As usual, I was slower, but since I am much smaller, was able to trip the big chocolate fellow up. This unfortunately caused him to fall, and I don't know if it was his toe, or a stick, or grass, that grazed my bald eyeball. But whatever it was, my eyeball fell ill, and did not improve. The Two Footers squeezed cool liquids and medicines into my aching orb, but one day later, my eyeball felt so heavy and so strange like it was swirling outside my head. When blood squirted out after one medicine was applied, the Two Footer rushed me into the Medicine Keeper in town.

They shot giant streams of light into my aching eyeball. I knew already what this meant. Our breed is forewarned even before we are born, in dreams and embryonic classes, on what life is often like with our bulging eyeballs. We know that there are many obstacles to our eyes. And we are raised to appreciate every day with out having something run into our eyeballs.

So by the tones of the Two Footer, and all the kisses I was getting, I knew my eyeball was moving onto the Great Place to live amongst stars and other magnificent orbs. This did not worry me. I knew my eyeball would be returning to where it originated, to the Giant One in the night sky. The Two Footers call it a moon, and they say it orchestrates tides of the ocean. The Giant One sends off little eyeballs to all the earthly mother pugs precisely at the time the mother pug gives birth. We pugs don't bother to tell the Two Footers that our eyeballs are born from their moon, because we know they would scoff at it. But I am sharing it here with you, in case you live with a pug, so you can be more respectful of 'full moon' nights. We pugs call it "Giant One Calling" night. For once a month, on the full moon, all pugs instinctively gravitate to the garden, or window seat, and sit amongst the loving shinings of the moon. And for those pugs who have lost an eye, they look up at pride to the night sky, knowing their eyeball is now with the Giant One. It will be nourished by starlight, and in time, it will return to another mother pug, and placed in a young pup to once again see earthly delights.

--The End--

Cultural rooster help

Today I will carry a feather from Ward in my pocket. In the Vietnamese culture, during the Tet (New Year's) Festival, rooster feathers are used to sweep out evil and bring joy and peace.

Clearly thankful

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
Tecumseh, Native American

I have written about the day of slaughter before , and this year I will not write about any internal personal conflict I have with killing an animal to eat it. Let me be clear - it's a process to get to this stage of thinking when raising animals for food. Secondly, you have to walk in it for a time to really understand it well. And I just don't want to keep writing about it every year, as I've worked through it. Four years ago, I wasn't sure it did make sense. But now I know, for me, it just doesn't make sense not to raise our own meat. We buy our chicken and turkey from a free range grower, and only a few times a year buy pork. And while we eat vegetarian about 75% of the time, our particular bodies desire meat, and love it.

I have lived on the farm now 4 years and this is our third year of harvesting lamb. We have a local butcher come to our farm and do the actual slaughter. It is fast, humane and professional. The initial conflicts of my first two years have subsided. This is due to the fact that the more I live on the earth, the more I see animals interact in the barnyard and in the fields and forests and streams, and the more I understand and accept my place in the food chain. As a friend said, "Some creature's always eating something." Please don't write and scold me, telling me to become a vegetarian. I did that for some years, and I have nothing against you if you choose not to eat meat. After much thought over the years, I came to realize that if one is going to scold a human for killing a sheep for meat, they better start scolding the bird for eating the worm. Who is anyone to tell me that I am not in a food chain, albeit, I'm at the top of the food chain. I'm grateful for that. But after many years of my own individual experiences, I choose to eat meat, as does Martyn [who was also a vegetarian for many years.] But it is meat that is fed from the grasses we maintain, and the grasses are fed by the rain that fills our river. And the water from that river gives moisture to the sheep while they spend a days work eating the grass to fill their bellies. It is only fitting, and right, that they die here too, under our supervision and blessing.

I used to put the meat lambs away the night before slaughter and pretend it was like any other night. I'd say, "See you tomorrow" in a cheery tone like I do every night, hoping they would feel as if all was well, as it is every night. But that was really for me. They really didn't know what was coming the next day, but I did. But this year, I have turned some kind of corner. This season, every night I put the meat lambs, or "chosen ones" as we call them, into their night time stall, I said to them, "Good work today, thank you." I said that each nite. And tonight, on their last night, I will simply say, "Your job is almost done now, and you did everything very well. Thank you. You'll do just fine tomorrow." And they will. When the butcher leaves with the hanging carcases, he will give us the kidneys, liver and hearts of each animal. It's the clearest looking liver you'll ever see. I'll cook it in some garlic and onions and rosemary for dinner. Let me tell you, it is a very reverential moment for me.

For the animal lovers

I have new prints online now. These composites have proven to be popular, and one just went up to a veterinarian who specializes in dog/cat eye issues. I thought that was nice. Sorry for the huge garish © symbols [they are not in actual print], but due to the masses that don't quite understand that printing images without permission is...how shall I put this, stealing, I added extra here.

So, if you want some of the farm life on your wall, then the Farm Friends print is for you. Cat lover? Seek no more.. Bird fanciers might like this one. And those of you that combine combine cats and dogs in your life, this one is for you.

And of course, I had to do a donkey collage too.

Other site news: updated Original Art section at the store. Marked a few things down, getting ready for my annual fall/winter painting explosion. And, you can also visit the portfolio site and see paintings in the 'Painting" section that also can be purchased online.

Apron energy

I received this wonderful picture from one of Pino's supporters. Terry B. made a wonderful apron for our latest Pie Day and also purchased aprons from the apron gallery.

I can just feel the love and happiness in these three characters! And the aprons too!

With all the nutty stuff going on in the world, with all the complications of each of our daily lives, people smiling and donning aprons is a wonderful reprieve.

Mystery no more

Yesterday it was over 100 degrees. And what was I doing? Around noon I was helping hold a sheep for my vet to take blood samples. Standing even in the shaded barn for 45 minutes nearly killed this Irish blooded lass. The vet left and I returned to the studio, where Martyn had rigged up an old air unit, delapitated but it works."Anything to keep my bride cool, " he said.

I ventured out around 2 pm to do an errand, and again, felt like I was dying. I've written before about my history with the month of August. It is not my favorite month, not only because of the heat, but because I feel like a dead leaf. Just grind me up, give me to the worms, please, get it over with. Surely I'm worth more to the world as compost than an over heated human.

Back in the studio, I had much to do, and attempted it, quite well with my dandy air unit buzzing. It also saved the pug from cardiac rest. But then I was saved. Saved by an email. The email was only 3 words long: "I'm goin' in" and I knew exactly what it meant.I jumped up, changed into my special nymph outfit, gathered my towel, and got my body, now dewey and crisp all at the same time, down to our river front. My friend and savior Annie met me at our river front and we descended from our bank into our birth waters. In an instant, we ceased to be women, but had become the air-water creatures, most of our bodies under water, and only our faces sticking up for air. We are graced with this river front, and while the river is not 'ours', it feels like it. No cars from our road can see into it, and the shore line is secluded. And even more wonderful, we have about 40 feet that is deep enough to do laps.

We swam, we floated, we ate blackberries that were spewing over the bank. We found our spot where we could sit with our bodies in water, and just, breathe. We were being nibbled by the 1" baby cutthroat fish. Martyn has since explained they were eating the dead skin that was floating off our bodies. I had this moment in the water where I felt "of the river".

The heat stayed well into the evening, so I didn't do barn chores until 9pm. The moon was one day from being full. As I returned to the house, the sky, moon, and sun merged together into some kind of mystery, or moment. I was somehow lifted out of my body, only for seconds. Returning to the ground, I stood alone in silence and watched, but felt compelled to try to document the moment, or feeling. As I returned with a camera, the donkeys had appeared, right at the spot of my earth lifting. I took this picture not worrying about camera settings. Was it in my overheated head, an over creative imagination? I think not. Encircled in an energy orb of the moon, Pino is looking directly at me and reassuring me, "Yes, it did happen, I often leave the earth for seconds too."

I love this tail

One more sneaky look

I had to do a color spread for the book dummy of the new children's story. So, you had a sneak peek at Old Mouse in the entry below, and now I'll just say that Pino's ears play a prominent role in the story.

Sneek peek

Some of you have asked me what's going on with the children's stories I've been writing and illustrating. Well, here's sneak peek at a rough spread from my latest story. I love this book. I actually think it is the best one to date, as it's very focused on one idea...It's a story about a little donkey named Pino who loves to paint, but his choice of subject matter isn't quite the norm, at least for some viewers. Pino's friend Old Mouse is a good source of wisdom for our friend Pino, and in the end, well...I guess you'll have to read it...not if, but when I find a publisher....

I find the mouse so endearing, and he has become a constant character for me in my stories.

Writing and illustrating this story, I couldn't wait to get up and work on it. I might just wet my pants if the...oh I mean, when the day comes that I get to really work on it for a publisher. Pino and I are practicing the power of visualizations, so I expect it to go something like this....Ring, Ring, Ring..."Hello, home of Pino Blangiforti...I'm sorry, Mr. Blangiforti is in the field, sunning right now, may I help you? A book deal? You want a 10 book series from Pino? Hmm, well, I will take it up with him as soon as he is in from his sunning...Thank you too, goodbye...pause, gulp, scream, PINOOOOOO! "

I am starting a new series of personal pieces. These are coming to me as I go to sleep, or when I wake up, I lie in bed and think in sort of a mantra in my head, "What is it, what is it" and certain things come to me...slowly." It's hard to explain. I'm liking the illustration portfolio pieces because it is so clear what I am painting - and illustration is a nice balance to doing these personal paintings. It's a relief to try to paint a Madame Butterfly after sitting and wondering, 'Why is there something compelling me to have a tree trunk in this painting?"

Maybe answers aren't necessary.

But I do sense there are many things out there lately, that are there for me. Thins helping me in invisible ways. One person recently commented that all my recent work has a veil of sadness and it 'must be about your father's death."...Ummm, well, not really. While I do think of my father many times of each day, they are tiny seconds, of memories of him that come at odd times - his death is not anything I am trying to figure out. I think my work has always had a tinge of sadness though, I do see that. But I just feel that's because I am very aware how fast it goes by, or that it will go by. While my father's passing has highlighted many things, it is perhaps the realization that life is here now. I feel very fortunate to have grown up in a normal family with love and consistent guidance. While we certainly had our family dynamics, we are basically a grounded group with a maintainable amount of quirks. To my knowledge, we're not bothering anybody.

I'm pretty sure there is somebody out there though.

New work

I had fun doing this. I struggled a bit to get the colors right, but I liked it in the end. It's sort of sad how Disney really dummied down so many old fable/stories. In an older version of the real story, the puppet actually throws the cricket across a wall and kills it. Yikes. I guess killing a cricket though has consequences, and helped the little puppet to get his act together so he became a real boy in the end.

Magic moment with Boone

In which no picture could be taken, as the rider and horse were busy just experiencing life....

Boone and I were coming up the long gravel drive from a ride in a nearby friend's arena. Our driveway winds around corners and runs along the lavender fields, and on the other side, the goat/ram pasture. We came up almost to the top of the 1/2 mile road, and there were the two fawns that have been living in our pastures. They were only 20 feet from us. Boone is bomb proof, and unscathed by wildlife. He pricked his ears forward and we kept walking, figuring the fawns would go away from us into the ram pasture. But as they saw us, one fawn perked his ears up and rushed towards us, in a happy romp. I think Boone's chestnut color made them see their possible mother. We haven't seen them with their mother lately, and they are very young to be weaned already, I think.

Selfishly, I'd like to think they were running to both me and Boone. "Hello!" said Boone with his posture. "We come from the low flats!" say the fawns. "We were told the one with strawberry blond braids and the man with hoe allow part timers." "That's right," says the horse back. "But leave my hay to me."

It was the look on that fawns face. It seemed so glad to see us. I still haven't seen the doe, but have seen the twins in the lavender fields.

Goodbye, again...

In which the reader is reminded that creatures and nature have their own paths, and it doesn't always include us humans...

I have resisted writing this entry, as I thought that by not writing it, perhaps the truth can be avoided. But after 7 days, I have to face facts that the tiniest member of Apifera is not going to return. Sweet Pea was of the first litter, born to Mama and one of five. She was a runt, and the most feral of the bunch. She was also the most aggressive hunter.

She must have weighed no more that 5# her whole life, which only numbered four years. She remained independent, but in the past year, began to relax, and tender up to me. Every morning when I would walk to the barn for feedings, she would be the first at the gate, and would roll on her back. I'd pick her up in one hand, and say the same thing, every morning...."Good Morning, Sweet Pea....who's the smallest one on the farm?"...Squeek, she'd jump down and run to the hay barn. Sometimes at night feedings I'd say, "Sweet Pea, did you get any smaller?"

I always assumed she would not last that long, as she was so small. Four years is a good life for a semi feral. And she had a barn and a tribe. She never suffered through having her own litter, and heaven knows those kittens would have killed her. So she did okay.

But I was saddened when I realized she hadn't been at breakfast for two days. I'd been busy doctoring Phinias, and Ward, and sort of didn't notice. But the energy had shifted, and I knew it was a bad sign on day three. Still one hopes. You torment - or my imagination does - about what happened. Did she suffer? I suspect it might have been raccoons that she tangled with - we heard a big fight the other night and she might have run into mother at the wrong time.

This morning I thought, well, if I write a blog entry on her, won't I feel silly when she shows up tomorrow? But my written words don't have that magic in them. For the past week, I have asked neighbors to be on the lookout. And I asked Pino, "Have you seen her, Pino? Surely you know where she is." But this isn't "Wind in the Willows". Moles and otters and rats don't rush into the woods at night to find lost animals, and succeed. It's just a real place, a real farm, and things die.

Death just keeps coming in waves, just like birth and life. You have to catch the high wave, keep your balance, don't look down too much. Eat as well as you are able. And don't worry to much about the cracks in the ceiling.

So we all say, "Hail, Sweet Pea! The tiniest member of our farm!"